1) Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
2) If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
3) If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.
4) My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
Thanks Vonus, we all need some lighthearted laughter in our lives 
xx
Love the octopus joke!!☻
These are great! Thanks for the laughs!Stand by...I have some juicy ones today. But I'll save those for later on. I have to think of what those are first...
👍
When you have a landlord who likes to joke, the following conversation ensues when asking to walk their dog:
Me: "would the hairy member of the household like a walk?
Landlord: sure, I'll be right down'
Me (second try): would the floppy-eared member of the family like a walk?
Landlord: she's in her hutch. I'll get her.
When you have a landlord who thinks he can fix everything:
Me: "the light in the bathroom doesn't work" (We had a central hanging fixture)
Landlord: (on his step stool looking at it)
"I wonder what this does...."
CRASH!!!! 3 pairs of eyes watch it fall to the ground and shatter. Silence ensues, then...
"Well, at least I don't have to fix it now"
Greatest 😂 laughed so hard
My landlord needed to store his boat in the driveway one winter. Here's how the morning went when the boat "disappeared" (was picked up):
I woke up, went to the front window, looked around, texted my landlord, and said "I hate to tell you this, but someone took your boat". He texted back with a laughing face and said it was picked up. I responded "thank goodness! For a second there I thought we had a boat thief on our hands"
Love them. Did you know that a rabbit can jump higher than a house ?
Of course it can - a house can't jump.
Most bald men still have a comb in their bathroom cabinet.
They just can’t part with them.
Loved #1!!!
A horse walks into a bar, the bar tender says why the long face? 🐴
😂 😂 😂
