A guy proposed to a woman in the gym but she said no 🙁 Well that didn’t workout
or
I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that’ll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote.
or
After weeks of keeping it secret, I confessed to my gym buddies that I had taken the bench press out of my workout schedule. That was a weight off my chest.
or
I asked my trainer at the gym if I could start shadow boxing. He said, “Knock yourself out!”
I was in a restaurant in Paris and ordered the 'Napoleon Chicken.'
When the dish arrived, I was surprised to find very little meat on it, and it was mainly carcass.
I asked the waiter why, and he said 'We only use the 'Boneypart'
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?A: Because if it had 4 doors it be a sedan
2 fishes are in a tank. 1 fish says to the other fish, "How do we drive this thing?"
Because it's almost Halloween 🎃 how about a Halloween joke.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling 🪄 ✨🧙🏽♀️
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A lawyer is swimming in the water. A shark comes toward him and veers away - professional courtesy.
I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
A woman shot her husband with a bow and arrow. She didn't want to wake up the kids.
A man brags about his new hearing aid.
"It's the most expensive one I've ever had; it cost me £20,000."
His friend asks ,
"What kind is it?"
He says
"Half-past four!"
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her
😆😆
You know what the Pentagon is.
It's the big building in Washington that has five sides - on almost every issue.
Less funny when you actually live here.
When you go into a restaurant, always ask for a table near a waiter.
If you don't like the way women drive, get off the pavements.
😂😂
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, and then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Oh, seriously?🤣🤣
lol😂😂
