JOKES!

[Vonus5591]

I have a flat stomach.

But the L is silent.

or

My mum asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”

I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”

or

I’ve just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

😂😂😂

What is the easiest building to lift? A lighthouse

Why are most people tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a 31 day March.

I enjoy telling really bad puns. That's just how eye-roll 🙄

[Vonus5591 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

lol 😜 😂 😂

[Downinil]

Bonus, The original creator of those three jokes is a creative genius.

[Downinil in reply to Downinil]

*Vonus

[Downinil]

I Need more jokes, Please!!

[Adlon57]

I said to my wife, "Where do you want to go for your anniversary?"

She said, "I want to go somewhere I've never been before."

I said, "Try the kitchen,"

[Vonus5591 in reply to Adlon57]

😂 😂 😂

[Adlon57]

A wife told her husband that the doctor said she wasn't well and needed the ocean breezes. So he fanned her with a herring.

[Vonus5591 in reply to Adlon57]

Lol 😜 😂

[SayNOtoPanic]

ha ha ha ha ha luv this

[Adlon57]

My arm started to hurt me, I said "Doctor, examine my arm."

He looked at my arm, brought out a medicine book, and studied it for fifteen minutes.

Then he said to me, "Have you ever had that pain before?"

I said "Yes."

"Well, " he replied, "You've got it again."

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Adlon57]

🙄 💜💜

[Zhangliqun]

Wife: Do you want some super sex?

Husband: I'll take the soup.

[Zhangliqun]

Picture this:

A saloon in western Kansas, circa 1875, gambling, drinking, saloon girls, gunfighters, music, etc.

A guy comes busting through the swinging doors and yells: "Big Bad Bob is comin' ta town! Big Bad Bob is comin' ta town!"

Everyone busts right out those same swinging doors and any other exit they can find, leaving only swirl marks in the air and playing cards drifting down to the floor like autumn leaves.

The only one left is the saloon owner, an elderly little man with coke-bottle glasses. He can't go anywhere, so he stands behind the bar, watching the doorway nervously as he polishes some glasses with a rag.

Meanwhile outside, a giant of a man, 7'5" if he's an inch and at least 400 lbs, rides up on a massive bull, dismounts, ties the bull to the hitching post and stomps into the bar, each step shaking the floor.

He leans into the bar, which creaks under his bulk, and grunts, "Gimme a shot o' whiskey." The owner complies. The big man downs it and grunts again: "Gimme another 'un!"

This goes on for awhile and the saloon owner gets up the nerve to try to make conversation to see what the big man's intentions are:

"Say, uh, mister....uh...you, uh...you plannin' on stayin' in t-town long?"

The big man looks up from his latest shot glass with the coldest, most terrifying glare.

Then he reaches across the bar, grabs the owner by the collar with both hands, pulls him halfway across the bar til their noses are almost touching:

HELL no I ain't stayin', are you CRAZY? Ain't-choo heard?? BIG BAD BOB IS COMIN' TA TOWN!!!"

[Adlon57]

What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?

Please close the door, I'm dressing.

[Vonus5591 in reply to Adlon57]

😂 😂

[Adlon57]

"Say it with flowers!"

Give a triffid!

[Vonus5591 in reply to Adlon57]

Lol

[Adlon57 in reply to Vonus5591]

Groan? that's one that really show's it age?😵🙄

[Vonus5591 in reply to Adlon57]

Me too x