Raisins cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues
Or
The only club I am interested is sandwiches
Or
Someday I am going to make onions cry
jokes: Raisins cookies that look like... - Anxiety and Depre...
jokes
34 Replies
•
I was asked to re-turf a field for an English Civil War re-enactment.
I thought: sod that for a game of soldiers.
My boss wasn’t happy when I phoned him at 5am from the south coast this morning.
He shouted: “Why are you ringing me this early?”
I said, “It’s your fault - you told me to be in Brighton early this morning as we have lots to do…”
I’ve just read that taking your bike to work every day is good for the environment, so I thought, yes, why not - it’s not like I’m using the roof rack for anything else.
• in reply toBazzak
😂🤣😆hilarious !!
😂🤣 That making the onions cry one actually made me chuckle out loud!
Yes about the raisin cookies!
Want to have some fun? Walk into an antique shop and say, "What's new?"
• in reply toAdlon57
love it 😂😂🤩
He's such a phony that he gets cavities in his false teeth.
• in reply toAdlon57
so funny 🤣🤣🤣
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant twice a week - a little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.
• in reply toAdlon57
that got me 😆😆😆
My wife called me. She said "There's water in the carburetor.
I said, "Where's the car?"
She said, "In the lake."
• in reply toAdlon57
😂😂😆Got me!
Man goes to the doctor. Doctor says "I've got two pieces of bad news for you. First, you have cancer.". Man thinks awhile then asks what the second piece of bad news is.". Doctor says, "Well, you are suffering from dementia ", Man thinks again - and smiles. "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
In Ireland/Northern Ireland we have "Craic" a black/sarcastic sense of humour;
MURPHY'S LAW
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
The other line always moves faster.
Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
MURPHY WAS AN OPTIMIST
• in reply toAdlon57
I have few favourites but LOL all
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
So true!!🫂🤣😜🤩😆
There's a good one about a three legged pig in a field I can't quite remember, but it ends with the farmer saying, "You don't eat a pig that good all at once".
• in reply toCatsandCheese
😆😋🤣
worlds worst joke teller here made this up for Halloween...how did the gardener become a millionaire...because his business was raking it in.
• in reply tokenster1
🤣 Best brain in the business you have!! You could be comedian and actually make alot🤗👍👍
You have me laughing on those jokes, Vonus! Especially the first one.
• in reply toDowninil
Brilliant xxx
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