Happiness?

[Pizzacat1]

I am so afraid to be happy or have something good happen. I know that not too long after something bad will happen. It always does.

All I want is to either just be neutral or not have to be afraid to be happy.

I have had depression and anxiety for over 30 years. Medication keeps my head above water but never gives me a break.

Depression is so tiring. Anxiety is beyond stressful. I am doing online therapy which seems to be helping.

But nothing helps with situational depression- something heart breaking happens and nothing can make me feel better.

It’s probably wrong to ask why me - so let me put it this way - why us? When will we get a break in life?

[jbjacksoncfc]

you are not alone! what you've shared in your post sounds so much like many of my own personal journal entries over the years i have also struggled with depression and anxiety. as for your question (why?), i believe everyone has their own burden(s) to bear through life, some heavier and more obvious than others, and this/ these (depression, anxiety, etc) just happen to be the ones that we've got. i completely relate to your expressed fear of being happy because it doesnt last, but i would encourage you to do what you can to let go of or overcome that fear. you may be able to get so much more/ better out of your life if you let yourself find and feel and enjoy and experience happiness when and where you can, and cherish it and use it to hold onto when you've got to deal with all the unavoidable bad stuff that also always comes.

[fauxartist]

Sometimes it's just how the cards fall.... we can't control what's happened or going to happen, and sometimes we just take the small wins as they come along.

[Gramas]

I could have written every word you did myself. I most certainly share every feeling you expressed. I can never be happy because I don’t deserve it. For some unknown reason all I feel I deserve is "bad" so when something good happens I get worried. I can’t wait for the “bad” to happen to even things out. And although I expect bad to happen,when it does I’m overwhelmed by the smallest things. Everything is a catastrophe.

I of course believe this is due to my depression which I’ve had for over 30 years as well. I do take medication but it only takes me so far. The depression and anxiety are much more overpowering and I have no idea how to lessen them. I don’t believe this will ever stop for me. It just seems to get worse as I get older. It’s a terrible way to live.

I also ask the same question as you. Why us? What did I do to deserve this? I know there are people who have much harder obstacles to bear but this is a tough one all in itself. Sorry I haven’t been much help but please know there are others out there feeling exactly as you do. Please feel free to reach out anytime as I certainly share your pain.

[Pizzacat1 in reply to Gramas]

I feel the same way. I know there are people with even more serious illnesses. But the pain from anxiety and depression can be overwhelming. It is hard to function or feel like happiness exists.

Whether you can help or not sharing and reaching out helps. I appreciate your response.

[Gramas]

We are going through the exact same issues. Now if I could just figure out a way to get the anxiety and depression to decrease a bit to let some happiness in.

I think its important to have someone to talk to, to share your feelings or ideas with. Even though I don't wish this on anyone its nice to know I'm not alone in this. Its good to help each other.