Feeling like there is no hope

[Metal13]

I have been to 2 therapist and I know they can’t give you advice but it seemed like I was just paying someone to listen to me complain about my problems. The therapist always tried to make it sound like the way I was raised is the reason I am the way I am. I found out things about myself and why I do the things I do and why I feel the way I do but nothing that they said helps me not feel this way. For too long I thought that “I am the way I am” so everyone will just have to deal with me if they want to be around me. I don’t think that way anymore but I can’t make up for the past things I said or did. When I think I have made progress with my anxiety and depression and how I treat people around me because of it then something happens and I am reminded of how I was and what I have lost. How do you stop feeling like you always do something wrong? Especially when I have done something wrong in the past. How do you stop worrying what is going to happen tomorrow or in an hour? How do you trust people when people have disappointed you so many times in life? I just wish I knew how to stop feeling the way I do. I read others post on here all the time but I have no idea what to say to help them because I can’t even help myself.

[BeagleHeart]

I wish I could say something that'd hit the nail on the head, but it sounds like you're in need of a psychologist. I'm not a fan of therapist either. I have been reading up on what's called Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (A.C.T.) it may help, but it's only a suggestion. For me personally, I try to own my mistakes by acknowledging how I played a role and where it was I was at fault and move on from there with the commitment to not repeat the behavior. Forgive yourself as you would forgive others for their honest mistakes, we're all flawed. I've made terrible decisions in the past and when faced with what seems an insurmountable problem I often revert to my old way of handling situations which is easy to do without realizing it, but it's not healthy, the more you become aware of how those emotions and situations lead you down that path the more easily you can correct course. For me, It's like operating on a default setting, it feels counter-intuitive sometimes to take a different path. Again, for me, looking back it was often pride, envy, or peer pressure that was dictating my emotions. I hope that helps.

[Zaid07]

Their is always hope.

[Metal13 in reply to Zaid07]

It doesn’t feel like it.

[fauxartist]

It's true we are products of our environments... our childhood, and our growth experiences, but if you have any pre-existing conditions such as depression....that is different. There is no cure for chronic depression, it's not your fault, it's a chemical thing, some like myself believe it's genetic.... and your therapist would be the one to help guide you through the understanding and coping process. Therapists can't fix us, there is no magic pill to cure us, only we can do the work to accept what we can work through and what we can't change. They are more like guides who help us navigate understanding and finding root causes to our stuff. But this is a long process that a therapist has to piece together and get to know you, it's no quick fix with just a couple of visits...it's a work in progress kinda thing.

[Metal13 in reply to fauxartist]

I know there is no cure. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I have ruined relationships thinking that the problem wasn’t me or that everyone should accept me for the way I am instead of getting help and realizing why I was this way. Unfortunately it seems like it’s too late to repair those relationships now and I feel like no matter how much I change or understand myself i can’t “fix” what I ruined. Just don’t feel very hopeful.

[fauxartist in reply to Metal13]

Depression is not your fault, and when we find people in our lives who love us for who we are... they accept that part of our personality. We can't fix some things in life, we have to accept that. We can't change the past, and can make amends where we can, and accept the outcome. We stay stuck when we keep trying to do the same thing and getting the same results.... sometimes we need to change direction, and re-think what our goals are....realistically....Some bridges will stay burned....and others may or may not be repaired to some degree. But only you can work on what you want to change in your life, and the choices you make. Let others own their own stuff, and find what you want in life.

[Metal13 in reply to fauxartist]

I did, but I ruined it. I know how I reacted to the things that caused me anxiety and I should have gotten help sooner so I could have reacted differently then. I know I can only do what I can now and I can’t change the past. I’m just sad and frustrated that I can’t fix things that I broke.

[fauxartist in reply to Metal13]

I understand, it is sad and frustrating....but also paralyzing looking at the closed door behind us, and not the open door in front of us...change is hard, and sometimes we can kinda get stuck in a sort of weird familiar way in stuff that's not getting us anywhere. When your ready.... you will move forward, but only you can do that, only you can give yourself permission to do that by forgiving yourself for stuff you can't change, and accepting that we learn through our mistakes, and sometimes we have to learn a new way to do things....it's a growth process.

[Metal13 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for reading and responding, it does help.

[Rufus07]

I am the way I am and everyone has to deal with it. I feel the same way. The only problem is people don’t want to deal with it and I don’t really blame them. I’m sure I sound like a broken record to them. I’m sure they think “oh God, here she goes again.”