I have been to 2 therapist and I know they can’t give you advice but it seemed like I was just paying someone to listen to me complain about my problems. The therapist always tried to make it sound like the way I was raised is the reason I am the way I am. I found out things about myself and why I do the things I do and why I feel the way I do but nothing that they said helps me not feel this way. For too long I thought that “I am the way I am” so everyone will just have to deal with me if they want to be around me. I don’t think that way anymore but I can’t make up for the past things I said or did. When I think I have made progress with my anxiety and depression and how I treat people around me because of it then something happens and I am reminded of how I was and what I have lost. How do you stop feeling like you always do something wrong? Especially when I have done something wrong in the past. How do you stop worrying what is going to happen tomorrow or in an hour? How do you trust people when people have disappointed you so many times in life? I just wish I knew how to stop feeling the way I do. I read others post on here all the time but I have no idea what to say to help them because I can’t even help myself.
Feeling like there is no hope - Anxiety and Depre...
Feeling like there is no hope
I wish I could say something that'd hit the nail on the head, but it sounds like you're in need of a psychologist. I'm not a fan of therapist either. I have been reading up on what's called Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (A.C.T.) it may help, but it's only a suggestion. For me personally, I try to own my mistakes by acknowledging how I played a role and where it was I was at fault and move on from there with the commitment to not repeat the behavior. Forgive yourself as you would forgive others for their honest mistakes, we're all flawed. I've made terrible decisions in the past and when faced with what seems an insurmountable problem I often revert to my old way of handling situations which is easy to do without realizing it, but it's not healthy, the more you become aware of how those emotions and situations lead you down that path the more easily you can correct course. For me, It's like operating on a default setting, it feels counter-intuitive sometimes to take a different path. Again, for me, looking back it was often pride, envy, or peer pressure that was dictating my emotions. I hope that helps.
It doesn’t feel like it.
It's true we are products of our environments... our childhood, and our growth experiences, but if you have any pre-existing conditions such as depression....that is different. There is no cure for chronic depression, it's not your fault, it's a chemical thing, some like myself believe it's genetic.... and your therapist would be the one to help guide you through the understanding and coping process. Therapists can't fix us, there is no magic pill to cure us, only we can do the work to accept what we can work through and what we can't change. They are more like guides who help us navigate understanding and finding root causes to our stuff. But this is a long process that a therapist has to piece together and get to know you, it's no quick fix with just a couple of visits...it's a work in progress kinda thing.
I know there is no cure. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I have ruined relationships thinking that the problem wasn’t me or that everyone should accept me for the way I am instead of getting help and realizing why I was this way. Unfortunately it seems like it’s too late to repair those relationships now and I feel like no matter how much I change or understand myself i can’t “fix” what I ruined. Just don’t feel very hopeful.
Depression is not your fault, and when we find people in our lives who love us for who we are... they accept that part of our personality. We can't fix some things in life, we have to accept that. We can't change the past, and can make amends where we can, and accept the outcome. We stay stuck when we keep trying to do the same thing and getting the same results.... sometimes we need to change direction, and re-think what our goals are....realistically....Some bridges will stay burned....and others may or may not be repaired to some degree. But only you can work on what you want to change in your life, and the choices you make. Let others own their own stuff, and find what you want in life.
I did, but I ruined it. I know how I reacted to the things that caused me anxiety and I should have gotten help sooner so I could have reacted differently then. I know I can only do what I can now and I can’t change the past. I’m just sad and frustrated that I can’t fix things that I broke.
I understand, it is sad and frustrating....but also paralyzing looking at the closed door behind us, and not the open door in front of us...change is hard, and sometimes we can kinda get stuck in a sort of weird familiar way in stuff that's not getting us anywhere. When your ready.... you will move forward, but only you can do that, only you can give yourself permission to do that by forgiving yourself for stuff you can't change, and accepting that we learn through our mistakes, and sometimes we have to learn a new way to do things....it's a growth process.
Thank you for reading and responding, it does help.
I am the way I am and everyone has to deal with it. I feel the same way. The only problem is people don’t want to deal with it and I don’t really blame them. I’m sure I sound like a broken record to them. I’m sure they think “oh God, here she goes again.”
Instead of trying to stop feeling the way you do, maybe try to give space for yourself to feel it and give it time? Because the more you try to seek for answers and try to stop what your body and mind try to feel, the more frustrating it will be.
I’m on my trauma healing therapy too and things are very dark right now. I’m trying so hard to get better like doing everything I can by therapy, journaling, yoga and stuff. But, I started to realize that healing is also about giving so much space for us to feel and to give it time.
It might sounds clichè but I start to believe that sometimes all we need is to be patient. Because most of the time, we’ve tried everything to be better and yet we still feel sucks. So maybe we just need some space and time to grieve what we lost, what we used to, and grieve about how life doesn’t turn the way we expect it to be.
I know I need to be more patient. My wife and I just separated and she thinks that time apart will help heal the emotional damage I caused her not dealing with my anxiety and my disappointment in people all my life. It’s just hard to be patient when I know I caused all of this and I think that time away is only going to make her see how better her life would be without me and so I have no hope.
If i'm honest i have no faith in psychologist's at all, i was seeing one for several years and at the end of it i never felt any different, all they seem to do is listen but give no tangible advice.
Yes, I wish someone would just tell me how to fix everything and how to stop feeling the way I do. I know that’s not the way it works but I do wish therapist could give more advice I guess.
There are all different kinds of therapy including DBT and CBT that teach specific skills, tools, and coping mechanisms.
It's very different from talk therapy.
Many people find it to be extremely helpful and life-changing
Hey Metal
I guess I’m up from a little bit different school of thought, developed from both my own experiences and many others that I have come across.
I am from the belief that chronic depression and anxiety is many times a wiring issue with us and that many of the amazing medications that are out there can help connect those wires.
Maybe not a total cure, but in my case 90% relief.
To me, we need to do everything we can to explore and do our very best to try to find if a medication will work. They don’t for everyone. Like many things in life , one size doesn’t fit all.
Now that can be extremely frustrating, scary and time-consuming. But think about it. If you’re suffering as an individual with the things you and so many other discuss,. It’s very difficult to control the mind to do these things that you are trying to do. For me it was nearly impossible to implement many of these what I would call “acceptance” techniques.
Which , by the way, are extremely important
For example ,if a person has worn out and defective lungs, they have trouble doing every day task and activities. Three stairs to their house may seem like Mount Kilimanjaro . Basically ,the only way they’re gonna be able to feel right again and to be able to do the normal things again is to find help with the main issue. Nowadays, we have medical techniques such as lung replacement. Now I’m not saying that if you get your lungs replaced that you’ll be able to do everything, but it is proven much will come back to you. The mountain will look much more like just three steps.
So why not the same outlook on mental health, if it is determine that it’s a possible chemical imbalance. If so, my recommendations is to do everything you can how to fix the root of the problem and I will guarantee you the rest of the things that you and other folks are talking about will be much easier to implement
A total cure? Nothing , to me, is impossible.
Enough relief to feel normal.?
Well I’m one example, so that breeds hope for many
In my case I was under medicated for far to long.
Well, that’s just one reporters opinion
Best dude
There's a lot to unpack in what you said.
First I would like to respectfully point out that it's absolutely not true that therapists do not give advice.
Perhaps the two therapists that you saw do not do that but many many therapists do give advice.
If you have only seen two therapists and that didn't work I would respectfully suggest trying to find another one and keep looking until you find one that does work.
It actually takes work to find a therapist relationship that works and is helpful for us.
Healing and recovering from mental and emotional health challenges like anxiety and depression takes a lot of work and is a full-time job.
I don't know how long you have been trying to change for the better but it does take time and it does happen.
One way to help ourselves not beat ourselves up over the past is to literally refrain from beating ourselves up over what we did in the past.
We can tell ourselves that we did the best we could with the tools we had at that point in time.
Perhaps we made mistakes, bad decisions and did wrong hurtful things to people but that doesn't mean that we are going to keep doing that.
We can tell ourselves that we are learning and changing for the better.
You mentioned that you want to say helpful things to people here but you feel that you don't have anything helpful to say because you can't help yourself.
Well maybe right now is the time in your life to be on the receiving end of help and support.
Once you have experienced significant healing and improvement then it might be time to give back.
Time takes time.
The things that happened to us in our childhood can and do affect us for the rest of our lives but we can do things to continually lessen the impact.
Over the course of time the impact can become less and less and we can become more and more in charge of what we think and feel and do.
It takes a lot of time, effort, and energy to do this hard work.
But it is worth it.
You deserve good things.
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