Am I scared of happiness ?

[foxglove_pnw]

Hi everyone !

I had an amazing morning today ! I had a good night sleep , I dropped the kids at schools , grabbed a cup of coffee and I went for a walk .

The feeling of the warm sun on my skin just brought me so much joy !

Suddenly I started to self sabotage !!! I started to feel panic , fear .... thinking that if I am too happy it means that something bad is gonna happen ! I feel like if I am happy , something will be taken away from me .

I guess I feel uncomfortable when I am not worrying !

How can my anxiety / panic attacks get better , if I am scared of feeling happy , calm and joy ???

[Coralrose5]

Been there. Just push that thought aside and say nvm I’m

Going to be happy today. Don’t worry about tomorrow

[foxglove_pnw in reply to Coralrose5]

Thanks !!! Maybe one day soon I will be able to do that

[Coralrose5 in reply to foxglove_pnw]

You will

[JAYnLA]

I wonder if this is something you learned when you were a kid? If so, the therapeutic device is to picture that kid (you) and tell her that you've got her back and that there's no need to worry about the presence of joy. It will always come and go and you will always have each other. I used to think this was cheesy - but now I talk to my young self on occasion with great conviction and compassion.

[foxglove_pnw in reply to JAYnLA]

Maybe I did JAY !! no sure ...

Thanks for the advice , I will look more into it and how can I calm my inner child

[fauxartist]

Yep....waiting for the other shoe to drop....often comes from not feeling we deserve to be happy.....have had stuff happen as kids, or just life that has us always on guard. But the shoe doesn't always have to drop....and waiting for something to happen is like asking to universe to make it happen.....so don't....and just enjoy the day.....

We deserve to have joy in our lives when it comes along....with depression and anxiety, there are good days and bad days....it's just the disease....a chemical imbalance that seems to be cyclical.....and inevitable....but learning to ride the waves and take the wins when they come along makes this disease somewhat more tolerable.....and finding coping mechanisms for the bad days and knowing they too will eventually pass.....

[foxglove_pnw in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you !!! Your message helped me a lot ! I love reading everyone’s insight about it !

[aber218deen]

My first learned emotion was fear and that lasted for many years, so as I wasn't taught how to use the emotion of happiness, I've struggled my whole life trying to battle back the fear to be able to find my inner happiness with no success. My point is that every person on this guilt free happiness journey are on a healing spectrum, with the likes of me on the one end of the spectrum, as I've tried everything in my power to be able to find happiness, then there are people on the other end of the spectrum who find success in some sort of mental activity, but the people inbetween of both ends, can find some sort of happiness ,but unfortunately, usually because of guilt, get consumed with negative thoughts, telling them they are not good enough to be happy, and end up going back to square one and begin their healing process again. So I think you are in the middle of this spectrum and the thing is not to worry about being happy, because it's there, but to try and convince your brain that you're damn well worth to have guilt free happiness. These are my own opinions that I have observed over my time. Good luck with your Battle foxglove.

[foxglove_pnw in reply to aber218deen]

Thank you so much !!! I needed to hear this

[aber218deen in reply to foxglove_pnw]

You're more than welcome foxglove,I'm just glad I saw your post. Take care.