why am I alive?

[LoverAtHeart]

Hi!! I'm new here & I'm so excited to be a part of this community. I was feeling extremely low & desperate for help or to talk to someone about how I feel. I am newly married & I just moved away from my home. My parents love me alot & have gone above & beyond for me & still do so. As in my culture , parents pay for you until you get a job & as I'm newly graduated & have no job yet, my parents are still paying for me even if I am married. My point is they literally do everything for me & they are the reason I'm alive most days.

I moved away from home after marrying because my husband is from another country. By nature, I am a person that goes above & beyond for a person I love. I have always been like that & I guess that it's because that is how my parents are & that is the greatest love I know, igs natural I will give that kinda love to my parents * also my husband?

Part of this love also is making sure they are safe & healthy. I will absolutely do anything to keep them healthy & safe. I try everything I can to keep my husband healthy too by making him eat the best vegetables & making sure he drinks his vitamins, making sure he exercises, etc. Him and I are both doctors hence I try to use everything I have learnt & I read to protect my family.

Sometimes my husband is really rude to me like for example if he says he wants to go on a walk & I ask if he has applied sunscreen he will say "if it's important to you, you should've brought the sunscreen when we went out". Like??????? I even give him his vitamins to his hand. Should I take the sunscreen everywhere he goes?

Sometimes he listens & does & sometimes he fights with me about it.

Today my husband told me that everything I do to keep him safe & healthy is not outta love & it's outta fear & anxiety. Those words broke me. I try somuch to keep him safe & healthy even when it's not convenient to him, yet to hear that broke me inside. I wish I was dead & I wish to God that I don't wake up. The only thing keeping me going are my parents however I can't tell obviously about this. I just can't kill myself because I know my parents will suffer.

So many things hurt me so bad & I feel like the only way to survive is to be heartless in this world. I wish I wasn't born with so much love inside me & every time I feel like I have somuch love inside me I have to give it to the person I love the most

Every time they use it to harass me with the love I show. That's how intense the pain is. GUYS PLEASE HELP ME

[Nothing_but_books]

Your relationship with your parents sounds idyllic. Have you spoken to them about how your husband is treating you?

Have you asked your husband for a talk about what's bothering him, and if he'd like something different? Maybe he'd respond to that.

I hope things improve soon.

[LoverAtHeart in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I wish 🧿🩷

I have not told my parents because it's going to cause many issues if I tell. They know we fight alot & that we go for therapy & it's my father who's paying for our therapy too!!

Issue is I think my husband wants most of the things his way because ny way makes no sense to him. & his way isn't safe enough for me

[Nothing_but_books in reply to LoverAtHeart]

I'm sorry to hear you have to leave your parents out of what's going on. It sure sounds like you need them.

[Tracey0101 in reply to LoverAtHeart]

That's complicated as if you can work together with things it would help and be easier but doing things like this is going to be difficult for you both

[Tracey0101]

You are so lovely You are beautiful be you as you know you don't change who you are if someone says and turns it to negative then they have the problem not you. You are doing a good thing by your love and care if they think you are doing it in a negative way then they don't know you at all and if they accept you as you are that you are doing it out of love which you are then they wouldn't even say that you were doing it out of anxiety and not out of love which you are doing it out of love and care because you have lots of love and care you got a lovely heart and you should be so proud of yourself for having that not many people have that amount of love and your parents did you well by that love. You sound so beautiful and don't let anyone change your love and care that would be so sad if they tried to change your love and care because that is who you really are with lots of love and care to give to others the world needs you you can give love to the world and your care to the world use your love and care to the world who will accept you for who you are and you have been given this love and care to give to the world don't let anyone change you for who you are this type of love is very strong and special for the world that needs your love you are who you are God has blessed you with this type of love as a gift he has given you it for a reason so that you can be use in the world.

[Tracey0101]

So sorry you feel like that but you are so sweet because you got a lot of love to give to those you love but your husband is not being unkind to you to say this. Can you talk to him how he makes you feel.