Struggling with depression

[Sunshine__12]

Hello everyone i am writing for first time. I want to share my story. About one and half year ago i got married. Before that i was living my full life i had someone in my life i & i loved him. I just want to clear that i live in asian country Pakistan. So due to some reason we both thought me & my ex thought that our marriage is not possible.

During that period of time a marriage proposal came & i asked my ex & said yes than families got involved i came back from the big city lahore to my small town when i was here i realised that this is not possible i cant marry this guy bcz i am in love with someone else before engagement i told my parents everything i told them I can't marry this person.

My parents started abusing me physically & mentally my relatives got involved they said very bad things about me everyone in my family tortured me & forced me to do this marriage my parents took my phone & told me they will kill themselves for like 7 to 8 months I survived in that house & than i finally did got married to that guy.

His family is very conservative they won't even allow someone to breathe but he is fine i told him everything at first he wanted to leave me but after some time i think he got better i told him I don't want to see my parents & family now when he started understanding things for some days he was like ok fine but than he told me that my life is getting effected bcz of this so you have to meet them & the relatives to.

Financially here in Pakistan you can't survive on your own & they can even kill you in the name of pride i dont have much choice sometimes i wish to die maybe this world will be a better place without me bcz no one in this entire world understand my pain. I don't have friends now family lol no family & husband sometimes i think i don't know him

I blame myself for everything i lost . I had some one who cared about me & i lost him though I tried alot to be back with him & he was there for me till i got married but in the end i lost him & i lost my freedom & my life i blame myself for all this everyday & I suffer from anxiety attacks due to past trauma

[dutchgirl71]

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I would always say go with your heart and do you makes YOU happy. Of course it is not that easy in your country, so I am in no position to give you advice. But, please, don’t give in. The world is better with you in and you will figure it all out eventually. 🌸🌷

[Cookie2217]

Hi Sunshine. I love your screen name! I'm so sorry that you are in a forced marriage. I would never be able to do that. Your parents ABUSED you physically and psychologically and emotionally too by what they did and said to you. Your parents forced you to marry you husband. Did his parents forced him to marry you too? I understand that in arranged marriages money and property are exchanged too between the families. Where is the guy you really loved now? Do you still have contact with him? Could he maybe help escape the arranged marriage? If he can DO IT!! DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! I am wishing you the best in this situation and hoping and praying that things change for you. Wishing you peace and well-being.

[Sunshine__12 in reply to Cookie2217]

Hello no my husband was not forced to this marriage he loves me I can't leave him there are so many other reasons not to leave him other than love. I am not in contact with the one i love but i do know he is in lahore & he is not married yet ... & money & property is not exchanged in my case it was just about my parents pride & everyones pride lol

[Sunshine__12 in reply to Cookie2217]

thank you for loving this name I chose this bcz maybe someday i will bring sunshine in someone's life & maybe that is the reason i am on this earth ❤️

[Cookie2217]

Yes sunshine you chose very wisely. You will bring sunshine to people's lives you know why....because you are important, enough, worthy and a child of God that is fearfully and wonderfully made by Him and He makes no mistakes!

[Sunshine__12 in reply to Cookie2217]

The one i love is gone & will be in my memories & heart forever. If he will be ok in his own world i will be ok in mine. He was the best thing happened to me & i think that thing is gone now i am not moving own i am just letting him go. He deserves happiness & may God give him everything he deserves

[Sunshine__12]

Can you tell me what its like to have someone in your life whom you love is it like having everything? Do you feel complete after having that one person?

[Cookie2217 in reply to Sunshine__12]

Yes get out of that culture as soon as you can my dear girl. Yes I've heard that in your culture they treat women badly and you earn next to nothing because it's all about the men. That's wrong. It seems you are very strong and have a true mind and heart of your own and I hope and pray you are able to just get up one day and leave it all behind you.

[Sunshine__12]

Right now main main priority is to get out of this culture fist & than to make myself strong enough by earning my own money. You know why people like our parents husband or anyone here in these countries control our lives bcz we don't earn that much we are dependent on them & the pride factor is also there pride is associated with woman only. Honestly here it is very hard to earn & to be on you own. But i will make it happen one day.

[Cookie2217]

It's like having everything you've ever yearned for actually. My husband and I spend all our time basically together and I couldn't imagine life without him in it. I pray to God that I pass away first so I don't have to go through wver losing him.

[Sunshine__12 in reply to Cookie2217]

God bless you i will pray to God that you will overcome your depression you guyz are so so helpful & strong people in this group & i feel blessed to have such meaningful conversations with you & others thank you so much. Just even when you listen to someone else it makes a difference in their lives thank you

[Cookie2217 in reply to Sunshine__12]

Your so welcome!! ❤️