Am i a bad person?

[rain_55]

I did everything i could possibly do to make my ex happy. I loved him so much with all my heart and everything in my soul. I forgave him multiple times. He's lied and he's cheated and I forgave him every time. Even though he treated me badly I still love him and I miss him like crazy. But im also so angry that he's okay. Im crying and having severe panic attacks. I started cutting myself again and i dont eat as much anymore. Yet he's going on dates and he's fine. I dont want him to be. I want him to be as miserable as me. I dont want him to go on dates or find anyone new. I dont want him to be happy. It's not fair. I dont deserve any of this pain. But i also shouldn't wish this pain on him either. I dont know how to get through this.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you're going through this, break ups are difficult. You need time to heal, I hope you know cutting is not the answer, I have 2 girls that did that, didn't work. You are in pain now & deserve to be. Please be kind & gentle to yourself, how about do something nice just for you? I'm here for you ! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

[punkrockhippie]

hi rain - everything WILL BE OK - .... in life - nothing is permanent !!! nothing ... even heartbreak - i know what it feels like to love and yearn for someone who doesn't even pay you any mind - it SUCKS but remember - this is the universe showing you that you deserve more than him and you deserve better than him.. i know it doesn't feel like that right now... but when you start to change your perspective into a learning experience... you will learn that you Do deserve love and you Do deserve someone better. just remember this - the only reason why the universe closes a door is to make room for opening another - but you won't see the new door open until you admit to yourself that the other one is closed ... nothing is permanent !! even the pain of heartbreak - find comfort in knowing it won't last forever .... hope this helps ... sending you love and comforts and positive vibes to move on <3

[gogogirl]

Sorry this happened, but I hope you will be with people and activities who surround you with joy. Sorry, but I do not think a lying cheat is deserving of all this attention- that is not love given to you. Be well.

[Believeinyourself123]

Cheating is the worst that someone can do to another person. I am sorry that you are dealing with this pain. If you need someone to talk to I'm here and happy to listen to you. The good news is that you are on a great site that will help you along the way. Hugs!!

[Hidden]

Hello rain!

Loving and missing someone who cheats on you and causes you heartache and misery really doesn’t make sense, logically. He’s never going to be good to you because you’ve shown him that he doesn’t have to be. He knows he can get away with it and you’ll still be there for him. Believe it or not, my friend, but you deserve a relationship where you get as much as you give! I would advise you to leave him and look for an upstanding man. They’re out there!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I was just about to say that.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

😉

[DGCM]

I love all the comments here by other people, so I'm not gonna repeat what they say. But one thing I want you to know is, YOU DESERVE BETTER! Some people call this being selfish but I call it Loving myself. Love yourself. Use this time to find things that you like, to get to know yourself, to fall in love with yourself! The more you love yourself, the more you will respect yourself. Don't let anyone, specially people like your ex, come into your life and make you feel like you're a bad person. The did nothing wrong. You loved him, you forgave him. Forgiveness is something A LOT of people don't know how to do. And it comes from the heart. I wish you the best and send you a big hug. Cry all you need, then wash your face, do your hair, go for a walk, meet up with your friends, do something that makes you feel in peace.

[rach1402]

No you're not a bad person, you're just hurting and it's human nature to want to see someone suffer when they've hurt you so much. There's a world of difference between his happiness upsetting you and you doing anything wrong though. If anything, it sounds to me like he's a bad person and although it doesn't feel like it right now because he's broken your heart, you've probably had a lucky escape. One day you'll meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and you'll be grateful he set you free from a life of lies, disrespect and unfulfillment. I know it's easier said than done when you're hurting so much, but if you can let go of the jealousy and anger that's eating you up inside you will find it's easier to stop taking it out on yourself by self harming and starving yourself and generally giving yourself a hard time because he's not around to do it any more. I pity those girls he's dating, I hope they see through him so he can't continue on his path of emotional destruction. Take care of yourself and get that self harming seen to, big hugs x