Yesterday I sent a message to my boyfriends ex which I instantly regretted. I then called him after work to tell him and he was already mad at me because his sister had already shown him. His sister is best friends with his ex. I just feel like I can't do anything right anymore. I also feel like his sister is trying to defend her friends actions. Like if that were my friend and I found out that she was trying to get back with my brother even though he is trying to work on his relationship i would be pissed. I know I am assuming things and that's not good. I just wish I could think more clearly before I react. I did stop myself from responding as him through the social media site she was trying to contact him through. I was trying to be polite and just let her know it wasn't ok. I honestly feel like he doesn't want this but doesn't know how to let me go. I would rather him tell me he didn't want this and feel that pain than what I am currently going through. I want to believe him but he thinks everything I say is a lie or an excuse. My words are empty to him and I don't know what to do. I want to be with him but I continually make the wrong choices. I am expected to make all the changes and I feel like he thinks he has done nothing wrong. What do I do?
Why do I even try?: Yesterday I sent a... - Anxiety and Depre...
Why do I even try?
How is that your’re getting notifications about her messages to your boyfriend (did I see your getting notifications on your phone via his account, your logging into his account basically)? I’m assuming boyfriend is okay with this or no?
I am not logging into his account. He was logged in already because he use to use my phone for everything. He doesn't have one. I thought I logged him out of everything but wasn't aware of that one. He was logged into YouTube, gmail, Facebook, messenger, Twitter, reddit you name it, it was all on my phone. I don't want to be logged into anything of his, thats why I logged out and don't know any of his passwords.
Here’s what you do, apologize, tell him you are sorry for getting anxious and upset about seeing this.
Give him time to cool off. He obviously has nothing to hide leaving his accounts open for you to see them, in my opinion.
Do you two have things that he’s done wrong to test your trust? You’ll need to communicate and put it behind you.
In the meantime, I’d re-examine why you are making wrong choices, what’s triggering you to make certain decisions and reactions. You’ll have to learn self restraint. It’ll take talking yourself down and practice... think before act.
yeah when we were first starting to date he did not acknowledge my anxiety and was really cold when I would go through some episodes. This was before I sought out a therapist and started taking medication . I have communicated it but it doesn't make a difference. He doesn't have anything to hide. I am not mad at him, he isn't interacting with her. What I am concerned about is him not setting boundaries. He likes to ignore the problem like it will make it disappear. I do need to think before I act, I completely agree. That is something I have been working really hard on.
None of this sounds bad at all as far as ex is concerned.
I think I have misunderstood what the real issues are. That said, keep working together and don’t give up. You keep trying, until there is a point of no return and I’m assuming everything is based on supporting your mental health in a manner you want him to. I’ve been married 23 years, mine still doesn’t know how, it’s not that he’s not supportive, I’ve had to let go that his way isn’t perfect, but it’s enough (he’s gotten a lot better) because I knows he loves me (unconditionally, flaws and all). Hope things work out for you.
Well, this is the anxiety and depression forum, and love life can be both....the fear you won't have man with no past woman, and the anger he might, and the fear if he does, you won't have him. Hmmm. The heart and the brain don't always connect.
If you are afraid to not have this man in your life, you may want to move on down the road. There is no cure for jealousy or guarantee of complete trust, it appears, for your situation. Once you send something on your cell, you can't pluck it out again.
Please take a deep breath. Let your head read this and not your heart. If you were willing to take a chance of losing this man by sending a message you knew would cause him pain or anger, perhaps you need to move on even if you "fear" not having him in your life. Drama does not create a good relationship. So, perhaps, not being a part of this drama may be a good thing for you, even if your heart aches.
I wish you the best in resolving your part in the situation, and I will applaud your maturity if you decide to bow out of it.
I know it afterwords. I don't go in knowing that I am hurting him. Its like I black out and then see what i did afterwamords. I am trying to work on it. I have known for 4 years that she wants him back and now she is separated from her husband so she can do that without hiding it. I have never said anything to her before, I have been in the same room with her many times knowing she wants him. I was just trying to point out that I knew what she was saying and if she would please stop. I think she is a great person but she could at least wait until we have both agreed that its not working out. I am not justifying that what I did was right. You are probably right I shouldn't be apart of this if he cannot set boundaries with people.
Hi firstly how come you sent his ex a message what reason was that for? And also are you happy together has he done anything wrong? Im asking because i not quite understanding what is going on if i did i would like to offer helpful advice if i can, also how long have you been together?
I sent her a message to let her know I see what she is trying to do. Should I have? No Should I have let him handle it? Yes most of the time we are happy together but the last few months have been really rough. There is a lot more going on than just this. This is the icing on the cake. I had a meltdown, like full blown and took it out on him. We are spending time apart. He should have left me then but he wanted to give me another chance because he knows I am better than this. He just wants me to be better and I am just a walking self fulfilling prophecy. I have a bunch of trauma to work through. My last relationship my ex was verbally abusive and cheated on me all the time. I am afraid that this is too good to be true and he will wake up one day and not want to be with me. That's not his fault and fully on me. I just can't get myself out of this negative loop inside my head. I want to be happy I just get in my own way because I feel like I don't deserve it.
We have been together for 4 years
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