I feel like I have to fix it, but I know I can't...

[silentdreamer20]

Yesterday was my husband's birthday and his mother didn't speak to him. She's angry with us over the party a few weeks ago. She's angry with us that we haven't made our daughter text her first yet (even though she has our daughter's number and can simply send her a text). So, her punishment is continued silent treatment... Even if that meant on her son's birthday. His father sent him a GIF saying Happy Birthday, no response to anything my husband said back. Later, my FIL told my daughter that he has a bday card for her dad (my husband).

Both of my parents spoke to my husband yesterday and told him how special and important he is and how blessed they are to have a son like him. If he ever needs anything, they are there for him. We are in the process of having to find a new place to live and they told him if he needs a co-signer, a loan, advice, or anything at all to please let them know and they are there for him just as much as they are for me and their granddaughter (our daughter). Of course, my parents didn't know about his parent's behavior, this is just how my parents are. When my husband told me about their conversation he got a bit emotional. I feel so terrible. I feel like if I reach out to his parents and I just cave and do what his mother wants then this stupid behavior will stop. But at the same time, we didn't do anything wrong for him to be treated like this. It's like a battle in my mind back and forth trying to rationalize and fix things. I also learned today from someone who grew up with my husband that when he was a kid if he and his brothers did something wrong... like if they got into trouble around their birthdays... their birthdays got "cancelled". My mouth dropped open. I mean, I believe it. When our daughter was little his parents were highly upset with me because they didn't want to watch our daughter for three hours between me leaving for work and my husband coming home from work, so I asked our neighbor (who was a friend of ours and had a child around our daughter's age) if she would keep her for three hours on the days that we missed each other because of our work schedules. So, they were really angry about that and when I invited them out for my husband's birthday dinner, they declined and didn't speak to him on his birthday. I guess I am just not used to those types of people. My parents would never behave like that and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I ended up calling my mum last night to thank her for loving my husband as a son and being so kind to him. She said he is their son and he is treated the same as my sisters and I are. I'm happy he at least has them. At the same time, I can't help but feel that I have to fix this mess between him and his parents. Things were SOOO good before that whole party fiasco in December. Ugh!

[Thankfulforhelp22]

Sounds like the Lord has blessed your Husband with your parents to make up for his. It doesn't sound like their behavior is likely to change. It is their loss. Continue being kind and respectful to them and try to keep communication open even if it not returned in kind. I think their attitude is out of your control.

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Thankfulforhelp22]

Thank you. I have honestly been keeping my distance from them and haven't said a word since I saw them Christmas day. Well, I saw my FIL NYE for a moment. Everytime I see them I am loving. But I don't go out of my way to communicate anymore. We got along really well for a year, after 11 years of being treated like the woman who birthed their granddaughter who couldn't do anything right and who wasn't good enough. But then I found out that that year with my MIL was faked. And I still went along with it... Until I made the decision to let my daughter decide whether or not to attend a function. Which we did end up attending... But It didn't go how my MIL wanted and she was royally pissed... Things have been terrible since. Things were great as long as I followed the rules. She hasn't spoken to any of us since Christmas Day this go round. I just feel terrible for him and want to fix things to make everything better for him... even though I know I can't. It sucks.

[SayNOtoPanic]

That’s sad and unfortunate. He’s blessed to have your parents. But hopefully his parents will wake up and remember to be kinder to their son. Happy belated bday to him.

[silentdreamer20 in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

Thank you

[Thankfulforhelp22]

It also seems that your husband is lucky to have you!

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Thankfulforhelp22]

You are sweet. Sometimes I feel more like a burden than anything else. Especially here lately. I'm working on that though.