I want to end it

[sad_watermelon]

I will try to not write a whole novel.

My dream: become a film and/or theater director (love both so so much)

My possibilities: I am admitted in french university with "arts du spectacle" which is like "performing arts" and apparently gives just a theoretical base.

My parents: they told me that I can't study in my own country, because education is not that good, so the only possibility I had was to apply for performing arts in France, as I speak the language and it's the closest to my dream (academias are way too expensive for me)

France: despite not having a directing profession after graduating there, I didn't like the town the university is in, I don't feel comfortable speaking the language, because I don't feel like myself and I fear the fact that I will be alone so far away from everyone and everything I know

My country: proposes me a bachelor in directing, but diplomas aren't that strong, but it's at least the right degree...

My parents: don't want to hear about it, scream at me, and blame me for not telling it earlier (even though when I said it multiple times earlier they wanted me to study economies and in France, scaring me that they will not pay for my studies in my country)

I feel worst and worst every single day and I want to end it now....

[CLB1125]

First let say, I'm sorry your parents are forcing you to go to school where you don't want to be. I don't understand parents that make their children do what they don't want to do. It ends up with the child dispising the parents. But! That is not a reason to end it all! You have an amazing oppitunity most kids would kill for. You are young yet, with plenty of time to study what you want to afterwards. I'm sure you will learn some things useful to your career from these studies. What is your home country? Is it far from where you will be living? Technology is amazing now days that you can keep in touch with your family and friends easily. Don't feel like this is a punishment, think of it as a exciting adventure. It's not for forever, just a blip in your life. Actually I'm a little jealous. 😉

[sad_watermelon in reply to CLB1125]

I'm Bulgarian. It's about 2000km away from France. But the problem is that I don't feel myself speaking french, there are so many words that I use in my everyday life that simply don't exist in french and when I communicate with french people I just feel bad because I can't express myself the way I want (because of the vocabulary difference). I also feel like I'm gonna be completely alone there, I have a lot of friends who study abroad and tell me they can't find good friends, just because they are foreigners...

My parent's words are killing me, they don't stop telling me how unsuccessful I will be in Bulgaria, how I chose a bad career and that I'm not good at anything

[CLB1125 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Im sorry your parents are saying that. My thoughts are if they say you’re not good at anything, prove them wrong!! Work hard and excel in whatever you want to do. You will get through this. You are young and strong and the more you are there the better your French will get. We are here to help you through it.

[BlueAgave]

I'm sorry your parents are being harsh. I'm sure it's because they want what they think is best for you. Like CLB1125 said, this is just a blip in your life. You can turn it into a positive and think of the life experience you will gain by being in another country. You will pick up the language better once you're coversating with others. You can look up how to say whatever you want in whatever language online too. Most people end up doing something different after college, unless you have very specific goals. It's all part of life experience. Plus you may enjoy being away from your parents for a bit and being happy on your own. All you can do is try. 😉

[sad_watermelon in reply to BlueAgave]

I don't have a problem with not knowing the words, there are just not the words and phrases I frequently use in Bulgarian and I use them like 60% of the time and when I can't, I feel something inside of me that tells me I'm in the wrong place

Of course I would love to be away from my parents for a while, but I can do it while being in my country though 🥹

[BlueAgave]

I can understand this is all probably frightening for you. Unfortunately it sounds like your parents won't pay for your schooling unless you go to France. Ask yourself if it is worth the fight to stay, or just go along with the plan and work things out later. I wish you the best 🌼