struggling

[frailstateofmind44]

has anyone ever felt so depressed you start to to feel like you don’t know who you are anymore? my mental health has plummeted to the worst it’s ever been this year and I’m really struggling today. 9 months ago I moved back home after living across the country for 7 yrs and it was a huge life change I’ve had a hard time adjusting to. I truly haven’t been able to experience any feelings of joy in I don’t even know how long and I just don’t know how much longer I can handle it. I have no interest in and feel completely detached to all the things I used to enjoy, I isolate myself from friends and family for weeks at a time, and the only thing I ever feel like doing is sleeping. all of this combined I feel like I have no sense of my self purpose or identity and thinking about that and the fact that I’ve turned in to an empty shell of a person is really scary to me because it feels like I’m about to lose all control. I’ve cried multiple times bc the feelings have just been too intense today

[LiamMC]

I'm pretty sure everyone has been there my friend, just some are not so open and willing to make changes. And that is clearly not you! Ive been to hell a few times, it's pure torture, you have absolutely got this. Crying helps release toxins let them flow. Sounds like your in line for your purpose. I began painting and learning music. I always get the, if you had a magic wand what would you do comment. Always said I don't know. For me, and I know these are maybe a while off or pointless but, breathing techniques, exercise, nature and laughter helps. I also volunteered for places I'd never had got a job with no experience, sharing time and things with similar people is brilliant, you already started that here. World is a bit crazy, you're absolutely allowed to feel this way. Seriously what's the worst that could happen, sure lose it a bit for the craic lol, retreat, sleep, eat, drink, smoke, whatever. This is your life, own it 🔥🫂🔥

[Tracey0101 in reply to LiamMC]

Absolutely I have been there since very young and still there many times and been to hell and back many times recently especially in the last 4yrs it continues to keep coming back every 5-6mths and I feel really disappointed and a failure and I have lots going on that I feel my brain is fast as a very fast ferrari and can't slow down Just far too fast that the accelerater went crash with me underneath it it is really scary. But even though this happens each time I get through it because I am stronger than I was last time and many times in before the others and even though the voices come to attack me and my trauma wounds come back once again to harm me I overcome it once again and even though I feel emotional pain because its to do with me not having my son living with me anymore as well for 4yrs and the way his dad controlled the professionals 4yrs ago when they were put under a lot of pressure by my son's dad by him saying that my son cannot come back home my son went to school that morning and never came back home again the social services were under a lot of pressure to find my son an urgent special needs foster care home and 2 nights my son went into respite care and then I thought he would come back home after the 2 nights and the day he finished respite and went to school that morning I ask the social worker will he be coming back home after that they told me yes but they rang me on the morning and said that he is not coming back home again they lied to me that he was going to come back home but with support and me and my son has always had a very strong bond with each other and we have a very great relationship with one another very close son and mum. Also they kept my son at school right until 6pm that day without telling him he wasn't going back home it was really awful how they dealt with the whole situation. When my son's social worker came round to us she said we cannot find anywhere for him at the moment so he may have to come back home but with carers and his said he's not coming back home and the social worker looked so shocked about what his dad said to her I said why not to him and the social worker said nothing back to him she really needed to be the one in control as she had a responsibility for my son because it was her job to welfare of my son and being my son have autism adhd and learning disabilities and other conditions and myself having those needs she needed to consider how much effects and damage it would have on my son and dangerous it was separating my son from his mum that I am his soul mate and mum and special to him that he loves me so so much and he adores me and he wants to be a carer to take care of me when he is older even though I would want him to live his life how he wants to but he says no to me every time and that he says that I don't want a wife and kids I want to live in my own home and come to you mum and take care of you bless his lovely heart. Even when I see my son in the holidays and my carer is there with me he takes over my carer and does her job take care of me but while I have time with my mum I am going to take care of my mummy while we have time together. What a lovely soul lad I have been given. Even though it breaks my heart and I missed him so much to not see him a lot I love him so much he was a big miracle baby it's like taking baby animals away from its mother too quickly and the damage it causes and the trauma it has caused me and my son is unbelievable and I don't feel like a mum anymore and I feel really lonely and isolated and sadness and depressed and it caused so much grief to me and I haven't been abled to move on forward from this as it is still very painful as though it has just happened but it was 4yrs and I can't seem to let go of it. I got symptoms of FND since 2020. I am waiting for Neurology appointment and I am waiting to see Rheumatologist for Sjogrens syndrome as well and I have reynards as well all these conditions has happened since 2020.

[Tracey0101 in reply to LiamMC]

I understand about you don't feel you as I don't feel like me anymore lost my identity who I really am. A purpose of who we are as a person. I do colouring letters from A-Z colouring book and I do enjoy doing these letters colouring each letter in. I seen to find my purpose by doing these colouring letters from all different colours of felt tip pens and I always when younger love colouring in felt tips and the colours in details and how beautiful they look when they are finished and how lovely they look afterwards very lovely and beautiful and that's like us people each of us are lovely and beautiful when we grow and grow as years go by we are not the same as when we started and what we have finished it comes out from a tiny seed and grows into something beautiful even sometimes out from nothing or out from something not good it turns out to be something stronger than we ever could ever imagine even from something broken and from our broken pieces made whole to something so beautiful.

[LiamMC in reply to Tracey0101]

We have very similar stories thanks for sharing

[Tracey0101 in reply to LiamMC]

Yes we do have similar stories and we all have stories about ourselves and we have to share our stories with others that we can trust and that those who have similar stories that is finding out our purpose and potential and our identity who we are what's our purpose in this life and how we can be a miracle for someone else say for example someone is feeling sad instead of going it alone and dwelling on it by ourselves we share it with someone who is sad and build each other up smile at someone who looks very sad even though they wouldn't know that we feel sad because we want to cheer someone else up and build each other up and when we smile others no matter how we are feeling they smile back at us and its really contagious and they feel blessed and we get the same back the blessings and we feel better than when we started but when going back home we feel we have helped others smile and made their day and then they have made my day so will lifted each other up I have done it in person just by going for some fresh air round the block and back home and some wasn't smiling at first and when I first smiled at someone she smiled back at me and then a few more smiled back at me because I smiled at them despite of how I felt sad at the start but you go around the block or shops and start smiling at others and then they are smiling back at you you are not going back home sad but you feel better than you did and feel blessed by doing something special smile at others it makes them smile and blessed and we may have made their day and then they have made our day better than it was earlier. That's love in action. We are here to help and support and to learn from each other and love each other be kind and caring not hate others because we have differences we need to accept each other no matter on our differences we wasn't meant to be the same as each other like flowers even though they may be same flowers but they grow different one bigger one small one one way one the opposite one stronger one weaker same with birds and animals and trees and plants they all have their differences and some simular to another same with us people we all are different from each other and every living thing is different but all have a purpose whether it's us humans or animals or flowers and trees and plants and birds and fish or whatever life is they all have something different to do with life one differs from each other.

[LiamMC in reply to Tracey0101]

That's beautiful and so true. Thank you for taking the time and effort to share 🫂

[Spud-u-Like1982]

I completely understand how you feel and I'm in a similar situation. I lost my job a year ago and my mental health is at a point where it's nearly at the lowest it's ever been. Diagnosed with ADHD and potentially autism, unemployed, poor sleep pattern, overeating the wrong foods, undereating the right foods - all that and just last week my partner told me she's done with me after nearly 7 years together, because we aren't moving forward and she sees no future for us. Her timing couldn't have been worse, as this is my worst month mental health wise and has been each year since I was 15.I'll be moving back in with my parents once I get things sorted, but I'm a hoarder, so it's going to take some time.

It's a horrible feeling when you don't want to get out of bed to engage with the world or friends and family. I could always manage to 'put on a face', but recently it's not been happening. I feel like my true face is now a sad frown and misery. It's horrible.

I don't have any sage like wisdom to give and any advice I give would be hypocritical, because I too am struggling to see any light in the darkness. All I can say is you aren't alone in these horrible feelings. It may feel like an empty void of a world, but hopefully just being on here and knowing you aren't alone can be of some help/comfort.

[Tracey0101]

I have autism adhd and learning disabilities and mental illnesses and I have physical disabilities and Cerebral palsy yes it's horrible to go through and I know that I am not alone and thanks for your message really appreciate it.

[Midori]

Hi there,

Welcome to the Community. I'm not really surprise you are feeling so low. Moving right across the country is a huge undertaking; even if it is back to your old home town it will feel different, it has moved on in the time you have been away.

I understand that; I could not return to the hometown I left, as it isn't there any more. It looks much the same; the houses are still as I remember, but the people are different, the fields where I used to play with friends now have an enormous road driven through them, full of traffic. The 'soul' of the place has changed. My memories of what was are still there, but overlaid by the modern stuff, like an old double exposure photograph, or the movie fade from the past to the now, in time, but in the same place.

Do you have any hobbies? they can help to keep your mind active, until you feel able to face this new incarnation of your old home area. Are any of your old friends still there? can you link up with them? Are you nostalgic for the place you left to come back? Can you consult a therapist to help you make sense of your new reality?

Don't be afraid to shed tears; It is a great shock to go back to a place which holds all your childhood memories, and find it changed almost beyond recognition, and tears are helpful. You are experiencing a form of grief, but not for a person, but your community. it was a huge shock, I have experienced it too. As you get older, I'm 76, less and less of your old places actually exist, except in your memory.

Hope this helps a little; Cheers, Midori