struggling

[Meow1421]

currently doing through a devastating breakup. I’ve been completely blindsided and it’s sent me into a spiral. My anxiety is at an all time high that I keep having panic attacks. My depression is really taking control of the show. I also have ocd and bpd and right now it feels like my mental illness is winning which sucks cause I was just starting to take control of things. I never ever thought I’d be in this position. I’m not okay. I’m really struggling. Plus I have 2 kids I have to keep going for. It seems like an impossible within. The urge to self harm is so high but I don’t want to let myself get to that point but it’s becoming an urge I can’t seem to ignore. I’ve been through so much in my life that I feel like I’ve suffered enough. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to have to live in survival mode my whole life cause people just keep letting me down. My family has shown up for me in ways I never thought they would and I’m grateful for that but there’s only one person I want and that person doesn’t even exist anymore because according to him he’s not the same man anymore. He’s changed and he just threw our almost 12 yrs away like it’s nothing. Why am I not good enough to fight for?

I chose to write somewhere like this because I need to vent it all out I need to speak about it. I work through things by talking it out so that’s what I’m trying to do.

[Agora1]

Dearest Meow, Know that we are here to listen and support because we care.

Vent and talk anytime you need a friend. You are never alone. We understand. xx

[Meow1421 in reply to Agora1]

I’ve felt so alone. I have no irl friends and my last 12 years have been spent with him and only him. Raising our babies and being with him. So I have no life outside of him. It’s live learning to live again. I appreciate your response because it is nice to not feel alone when I’m feeling the loneliest I’ve ever felt. Thank you so much ♥️

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am glad you are here sharing. I am sorry you are suffering. You are good enough!!

[Meow1421 in reply to gajh]

Thank you ♥️

[Meow1421]

Thank you! I’ve been strong for all of my life and I’m just tired. I don’t wanna be strong anymore. I want to live not survive. I’m exhausted. I love him so much and I miss him more than anything more than I thought possible and it hurts. I can’t eat or sleep. My mental health is in a decline. I’m so so grateful for your reply tho. It’s very lonely so it’s a good feeling to be heard or seen by others. I appreciate you ♥️