Just before my exam my ex tells me he's moving to Canada

[Against_the_current]

my final exam is tomorrow and that boy tells me he will move out to Canada. I thought we were fixing things. What hurts the most is that he said he already moved on in his head because i didn't text him for 3 months but we had broken up. i texted him after the break up and he broke up again. i tried to give myself time to forget him but as im on my own i remember him again

[mizzou7016]

This is in no way shape or form a reflection on you. I'm sorry that he is doing this to you...the only thing I can say is seek help...find someone to confide in...journal the heck out of your feelings...

[Against_the_current in reply to mizzou7016]

I tried but i don't have money for therapy. Wrote and wrote.

[012703060610]

Navigating a love life in your 20s is brutal. Unless you've met the ONE, which you would know, the 20s are confusing. I can honestly say I spent too much time obsessing over boys or boyfriends in my 20s. It was unhealthy. Not to say you are unhealthy in anyway, this was me at that time. Recognize that you are being taken on a total mind trip with this behavior. Anyone that can hurt you this way, probably isn't the right person. By my 30s, I had built enough confidence that I wasn't even looking until I found my (then) husband.

[Against_the_current in reply to 012703060610]

So this is normal? I feel like he's the one?

[012703060610 in reply to Against_the_current]

I can't answer that for you. If you think he is the one, then you try a last effort to reconcile. But based on my experience, boys/men at your age are still VERY immature. Had I married anyone I dated in my 20s, I would be knocked up watching 6 children all day. I know there is the lame saying there are other fish in the sea. There truly are and now I know this to my core. Do I think his behavior is normal? Probably. Even when I met my husband now....well we had been friends for 20 years, now we are in our 40s. When I reconnected with him, I didn't know he had always had feelings for me. In his 20s he tried to take me out, drank himself under the table and I babysat him. Needless to say, I moved on from a romantic relationship with him. It is 20+ years later and we are married. I was so impressed with his home and the direction he took his life. However, he sort of had a girlfriend in Brazil. I don't do social media outside of this site and LinkIn. She marked him as her boyfriend. They met during travels. I had to teach him HOW to break up with someone. He wanted to soothe his pain of hurting her, yet she never gave her a reason for a break up. This isn't every man of course. No one size fits all when dating. As you can tell by my name, I am a numbers person. In 2013, it was estimated that for the first time, children being born may live to 150. With medicine and all the advancement, I can totally see it. I suspect women's bodies will adapt as well and we will be able to have child longer if desired. When I got out of college, I was adamant that I wanted to be self sufficient. I even wanted enough savings that if I wanted a child on my own, then I would. I'm sure many of us have trust issues on this site. Being independent and self sufficient gave me the confidence I needed to have a successful career that I built for myself.

[Against_the_current in reply to 012703060610]

It's so messed up. But i don't see what i can do to get him back and im litterary sick because of him. I told myself i don't want to marry but when he was telling me big words i really wanted it and now i grieve it. Immature and they think they're mature just because they can get a job and a girlfriend

[mizzou7016 in reply to 012703060610]

Navigating a love life at any age is brutal...

[SoporRose in reply to mizzou7016]

So true.

[Against_the_current in reply to mizzou7016]

For real

[michi0507]

Do you have a journal or notebook where you can physically write a letter expressing every feeling and everything you have in your mind right now? Anything you want to say to this person put it there and don't send it just throw it out or keep to yourself if you want to revisit 3 weeks from now so you can see the difference. Things will change and it will get better.

All you need right now is to get it out of your head. This will help you come to sense with yourself so you can focus on your exam tomorrow

[Against_the_current in reply to michi0507]

I will try. Thanks. It hurts so much

[2Scared]

I am so sorry love, that's horrible. I've been in that boat soooo many times feeling hopeful that things will work out just to have your heart shattered all over again. This has nothing to do with you (which I know is hard not to believe trust me) and I promise you they always come crawling back. My first ex who I had to get admitted to the psych ward over still reaches out to me 3 years later. He'll come back, but when he does don't let him back in and if you do take the control you deserve. Day by day love 😊❤️

[Against_the_current in reply to 2Scared]

Thank you. In last posts i said i was never going to the mental hospital but if i didn't have an exam tommorow, i would call them to take me in. Bad that my psychiatrist that works there is at the seaside. I thought he would come back after 3 months but i ended up being the one to come back and he said it's too late

[2Scared in reply to Against_the_current]

I did that too my first time. I broke no contact after about a month only for him to hurt me all over again. When I actually moved on he came crawling back. Block them on all social media (I only left his number unblocked) and he still tried to reach out to me. I heard this quote one time and I kept reminding myself of it whenever I feel insane for wanting to reach back out: "if you want them to miss you, you have to let them miss you, they can't miss you if they know you're always going to be there". My second ex (who had a whole different relationship while he was with me) hit me up about 6 months after he blocked me. I promise you, they always always always try to come back somehow. Focus on you, meet new people, finish school, watch movies, try desserts. You'll get back to yourself when the time is right. Who knows, maybe in all this loneliness someone will bring light back into your life. You deserve someone who is going to be patient, kind, and understanding. I'm still looking for that person too. Just one small step in front of the other. Sending hugs ❤️❤️❤️

[Against_the_current]

Thank you guys for helping me understand it's not my fault

[CLB1125]

Focus on your exam right now, that’s so important! The rest will still be there afterwards. Good luck!

[SoporRose]

AtC,

Remind me: have you met this man in person?

And shine on that exam the way to always do!!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I have. That's the difference

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry - that's rough.

[Against_the_current in reply to catsrock]

Indeed. I even got sick

[catsrock in reply to Against_the_current]

So sorry.

[MaggieSylvie]

I went through this in my twenties. It hurts forever, and now my ONE has passed away. I too had to concentrate on my studies at the time, so while you are doing that, you are no doubt feeling sick to your stomach. So while not studying, do make sure you are taking care of yourself, and spend some time with friends.

It used to be said, and I'm sure it's still true, the best way to get over a break up is to find another "one" or the nearest you can get to it. Believe me - after your exams, if "that boy" does not come back to you, get out and meet other people, and in particular, people with similar interests to yours. You don't deserve this treatment.🤗🤗

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Hurts forever? 😰

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

Not the way it hurts now, I promise, but the hurt could be healed completely if you now take life by the horns.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

That's hard with my pchychopath mom. I have no support outside this forum

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

So stay connected. You really must. And remove yourself from the situation in the room - can't call it home - whenever possible. It must be very hard on your mum; I'll bet she needs all the help she can get as well. Are you the brains of the trio? If so, they'll no doubt be looking to you.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

My exams passed. Idk what to do. Ignore him, go back to the chat, go there. But im scared he could block me. I never know what he expects from me. I can't find friends, they're always busy and when i do get along with someone they're away. That's why it hurts. And im going home where i have no friends. Rn i feel too sick to my stomach and I guess everyone is busy.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

He doesn't expect anything from you; he's moving/moved away. He wants something else. Now you have to find something better. Your friends are always busy - so find some new friends. The ones you are at college with will probably move away, so it's good that you are going home. Hopefully your parents will understand why you are down, but if everyone is busy, get busy yourself - doing whatever makes you happy - concerts - go on your own; you'll meet people, studying further, walking - or stay in your room until your parent give up on you. Remember - life's for living.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

I don't have a room, i live with mom and sis in the same room. Everything would be easier if i had a room

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

Oh my goodness! That is a classic situation for a horror show!

[MaggieSylvie]

It's over. You've got to move on. I know those are harsh words and I never believed them when they were said to me, but while I "put myself out there" it was always on my mind. No, it doesn't hurt forever, because - as my ONE said, "Nothing stays the same" - life is forever changing. You will face new challenges, meet new people, advance your career, change careers, have children, and your first love will always be on your mind, but you could find someone caring, more mature (because his behaviour is no way mature) and that's what you are crying out for. There's no need to rush to find a husband. Take your time and enjoy the company of the people you meet, whether or not you "date" them, and realise that "exciting" doesn't always bring "happiness". It can be calmer. You can have a partner who isn't always talking about breaking up.

But none of this is going to happen over night. You have to have a bit of time to grieve the end of this relationship (if you must call it that), and to find your way in the world. He's many miles away in any case, so finding your own way will be easier, possibly exhilarating.

Well done for passing your exam (with all this going on as well). Go and celebrate!😊

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Thank you. I even can't. I don't have a single stable side in my life. My university was the only stability i have and now it's over. Thank you so much for the words, i just am dizzy now because mom stroke again, playing dirty, getting grandma involved

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm so sorry. Families! What exactly do they achieve by playing these games? Now you've got the summer ahead of you - have you any plans for how you're going to spend your time if your friends are not around? And do you go back to uni in the autumn? It's clear you need to get away if you can. You must get all your strengths together to either find a way out or find a way to manage the negs in your life.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

I want to rest and have fun this summer but i would be probably home alone being abused by my mom, crying outside, hoping someone notices and talks to me. I won't go back to uni at the autumn. My family said enough college years even though I barely got any. I want concerts but nobody really comes to this country. Ed Sheeran is coming around my birthday but i think the tickets are sold out. I need to ask mom to buy it now, she said it would be my birthday present but my birthday is just before the concert, also need to find a place to sleep as it's in the capital. I was going to sleep at my ex's but now i can't even ask. I want to have a fun summer, especially when it's my last summer and with my seasonal depression in the autumn and winter. I qant to be young, go to festivals, hang out with friends. But i don't have. I even want to party. But i will have to be getting a job and a place or bearing mom. I want to have fun this summer. Last summer i was only sick from the hospital and then tortured by mom every night.