Dread…is it just me and my insecurities or something is up?

[Lifesearching]

This might sound silly, but I’m dreading a weekend bbq coming up. I should be excited but I have major anxiety. So my bf has two good friends, a husband and wife he knew for 10 plus years before meeting me. If anyone has been reading my previous posts, it’s the same wife I’ve been anxious about. I’ll continue on. My bf is best friends with the husband. Just for privacy purposes I’ll call the husband and wife Jack and Jill.

It could just be me, but the friendship between my bf and Jill makes me very uncomfortable. I’ve gone to therapy about it, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s my own embarrassing insecurities or if I’m even in the right relationship. My bf became somewhat of an uncle figure to their two kids, like part of the family. They all built a solid relationship the three of them. When I met them, at first they seemed really cool! The wife wanted to be friends with me and I felt happy! But as time went on, I just started to notice a bit of resentment from the wife but not sure if it’s my insecurities creeping in. I tend to be a super jealous girl, so by honestly stating my feelings I need to know if I’m in the wrong and be open to it.

As time went on she started to make jokes that her kids don’t see my bf anymore because he got a new girlfriend. I started to notice how kindly my bf treated Jill, Jack being like a brother to him. Then at future bbqs she would stand super close to my bf, even eat his cooking, touch his phone, and stand close to him and tell him what to do in their home!

She’s even made some back handed remarks, even took a two hour nap when we came over to watch the Super Bowl with them🥺 meanwhile the husband is like off doing something else! I was like ok I’m getting really uncomfortable and staring to think she doesn’t want me around. However when I posted some life milestones on social media she then acted really nice and wanted to be closer go figure. Sometimes it seems like she’s trying to get to know me, but then next moment she does something weird AF and passive aggressive around my bf like the fuck. I’ve suggested to get coffee and she said it’s busy with kids, however she is watching my every move on social media so she has lots of time for that

It started to mess with my head and I began accusing my bf of having thing for her as he is so nice to her and allows her to touch his phone or boss him around. He lashed out stating he only sees her like a sister, that they’re our friends. Since then, I haven’t spoken up since and even agreed to go on a long two week vacation with them.

But whenever we have to see them, I’m literally dreading it because I don’t know what she will pull next. I’ve tried so hard to show I’m on her side and never once even tried to get close to her husband I would never. We are seeing them this weekend. I don’t know if it’s my insecurities because she is also extremely gorgeous looking. I just can’t put my finger on it if whether this is some that were supposed to work through or if God has been trying to send me red flags I’m ignoring! It sounds so silly and I get his friends are technically married but it messes with my self esteem and confidence in our relationship.

Will I always be wondering about that? Will I only be second best to “his friends pretty wife”? Is my past affecting my present relationships and how I judge them? I mean my bf seems to be doing everything he can to stay together, but I’m seriously struggling with it all🥺I do genuinely try to be nice to them when I see them because I know my bf is so close to them. I just don’t know if I’m emotionally equipped to be in a relationship like that where he’s super nice to other men’s wives

Don’t get me wrong, this guy is way healthier than past relationships, and he’s nice but idk if it’s too nice to a point I have to wonder if his boundaries with other women are strong enough. I’ve been through and lost so much that even slight annoyances or situations like this I question because I can’t settle for anything anymore. I don’t know if he pulled out a super soft spot in me and I’m putting up with too much bullshit? I just don’t know. I can be so strong for friends going through tough times, then when it comes to my own life I can’t even figure it out

[blackcat64013]

Thinking about your post ... you might have reasons from your past to be anxious about relationship issues. However, if you think about in this way, "what I advise a friend in the same situation?", you might find the answers you are looking for.

[Lifesearching in reply to blackcat64013]

Hmmmmm ok thank you! I’ve been asking my the same! If I were a parent or someone advising my daughter. I would honestly say watch out, tell him how I feel, or see if leaving may be the best option. He’s like a super caring and loving person, but I’m not sure if it’s worth fighting for if he’s allowing the women in his life to treat me this way like I don’t belong or something. I hate gossiping and it’s really hard for me to get mad at ppl so it’s been bothering me a lot, I’ve honestly tried thinking of if I tell him I’m walking away to see how he will react or if he’s willing to actually put a stop to it

[hypercat54]

I thought hard before responding to you. I must admit if I was in your shoes. I would start flirting a bit with her husband and see how your bf likes it. And his wife. The devil would get into me a bit. I have done this in the past which always elicits a bit of a jealousy attack from him.

On a more sensible note I would talk to your bf about it calmly. Don't openly criticise her but play it from she makes you feel uncomfortable due to what she does and ask him not to respond in future.

If you feel things are a bit wrong then they probably are. Never diss your feelings and intuition. A chat with your bf might be enough to clear this up or make you more aware of where exactly you stand.

Ask him how he would feel if you did this with male good friends and would he think that was acceptable.

Good luck. Oh and don't even think of vacationing with them until you feel happier. Or can you invite family or friends along too?

[Lifesearching in reply to hypercat54]

Wow I’m actually not usually the type at all to fight back, but I think I’ll honestly try it lol! Not that I want to be like her at all, but omg that might be kind of funny to see their reaction because they’d probably not expecting it. Me and “Jack” the husband are usually on the sidelines mind our business, and he’s a cool guy! No disrespect but Im not as dumb where I’m trying to get close to him.I always think it’s funny how people can dish out certain a behaviors but the moment it’s done to them they can’t handle two seconds of it lol or they act like a complete victim

[Downandout123]

I'm just wondering why you agreed to a 2 week vacation with them!😮

[Lifesearching in reply to Downandout123]

I’ve brought up my concern to my bf and he tried re assuring me I have nothing to worry about. But now that I’ve hit a milestone it just feels like that’s why she being nice all of a sudden. I’ve been honestly rethinking the whole thing. I cannot let her believe we are close enough because she’s probably going to try benefit off my hard work later or see if she can also get close to some powerful ppl I’m connected to now

[Downandout123 in reply to Lifesearching]

I just think it would be very stressful being with someone a whole 2 weeks, who you feel this way about. Good luck to you in whatever you decide!