No hope for me

[Against_the_current]

Trauma is burning me. Mom's drinking and having three free days when she can drink all day. At my accommodation my trauma eats me alive. Im graduating and i have to get a job but i have to pick a city and both options are bad. It's hard to take care of myself and the household with my depression. Leave alone work and pay rent. Otherwise i have to bear mom and a city without friends and therapy. I'm so tired. Everyone else is progressing with life and i just suffer 24/7

[PuzzleArt]

Your explanation is very vivid and convincing. There are two main problems. The solution to having a family or dear friend who is ( or becomes ) an alcoholic was for me to attend Al-Anon meetings ( which help the friends and family....mainly because the members have gone through the same anguish) However, I think you wrote before that there are no such meetings where you live. The second subject is one that most people on this site are experiencing: anxiety and grief from what is happening that "to all intents and purposes" does not seem to have a solution and no end in sight. The answer is not a carbon copy or identical for each person. Much is the human condition..we are not perfect or all-knowing, and the experience we have so far does not seem to give us hope. All I know is that it is possible to recover, and possible to have a lessening of the crises. It just is miserable while you are going through it. It is never too late! If the people around you don't seem to be of any help, or even seem to make things worse, it is because ( my belief and opinion) that everyone is a unique individual) I believe you are fairly young, but it seems to you that the pain will last forever, but what you have already gone through has added to your experience and your memory bank ( and you do not seem to have a memory problem). Best wishes for you to feel more effective and less helpless. Some has to be taken by faith...meaning unseen, but some things can be seen and understood. Just one small break-through can open the dam, and be a catalyst for other breakthroughs to the pure water you are looking for.

[Against_the_current in reply to PuzzleArt]

Thank you. I really hope so. I feel so lost and brain damaged. I can't find answers. Im in great pain that to me only makes my character and memory worse. I can't make mom admit she has a problem. When i just mention it, she goes crazy, attacks me, says im a drug addict for taking anxiety pills

[SoporRose]

I am so sorry. Do whatever you can to survive. I care about you.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you. I feel like nobody cares 😭. Can't my family see they're putting me through hell? And that i can't work or function? They just blame me. "You're always in depression" mom said. Now she's snoring and im scared if it's from the drinks. I want to sleep but drunk snoring is making me cry and i either go to the bathroom or keep headphones on .

[Arymretep in reply to Against_the_current]

This too will pass😘

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

The head phones sound like a smart defense. Obviously it would be so much better if you didn’t need them, but I hope they help.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Exactly. I wish i didn't need them. Or had a room. Or an appartment. Or a stable family

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I wish you had all those things, too.

[bonkers65]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope things get better soon, and I'm sure they will.

[Against_the_current in reply to bonkers65]

Thank you

[Camee]

Hi,sorry you are going through a tough time.Your mum's destructive habits are not easy to tolerate.Honey,do not expect much emotional support from your mum right now, but do not loose hope about your relationship.You should try not to make any major decisions at the moment because of your depression.

See if you can go away for a bit,perhaps visiting a friend or a relative.Just to distance yourself from the situation and gain a new perspective.

Love and hugs

[Against_the_current in reply to Camee]

Thank you so much

[Teaching]

I know it's hard but who knows if another city will favor you. It's hard to take the decision but it may turn out to be the best. The next city might be the key to your recovery.

[Against_the_current in reply to Teaching]

I don't know. That's why it's so tricky. Im struggling to take care of myself there

[catsrock]

I'm so very sorry - this sounds rough. Sending lots of support your way.

[Against_the_current in reply to catsrock]

Thank you

[AlsoStonesFreak]

I am so sorry. May I ask if you are on Medicaid and can get virtual therapy? Would be of great help if so.

[Against_the_current in reply to AlsoStonesFreak]

I'm not there. How do i get? Is it paid?

[AlsoStonesFreak in reply to Against_the_current]

What is your income and state?

[Ryanlion]

Dont give up hope, whatever your Mom says, you cannot help being depressed. None of her drinking is your fault. I know another member said that you have no Al-Anon meetings near you.but they do ,do them on line too. These meetings would help YOU alot. Only your Mom can admitt to being an alcoholic and shes clearly not ready yet. I know it looks like everyone is getting on with their life and you feel left behind and suffering. For now your going to have to be your own best friend & care for yourself as best yhou can. When my Mum died i was super depressed and had no emotional support. I had to find a counsellor who listened and pulled me througn. Other peoples lives look great on thee outside but believe many are struggling behind closed doors too but say nothing. I dont know your whole story but i encouraged you to find a good therapist and a healthier environment when you can.

[Against_the_current in reply to Ryanlion]

Wish i could

[RevelationNo9]

I feel like so many of us deal with these feelings of isolation and being forgotten. I wish you the best, my friend.

[Against_the_current in reply to RevelationNo9]

Thanks

[Starrlight]

💕 ❤️ 💗

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

❤️🩵

[PuzzleArt]

That is good news that you are close to graduating. Yes, it might not be good to be alone. I am hoping you will be able to find an environment with at least a neighbor, or two, who are friendly, or at the very least, polite and respectful. Your mother seems to be incapable right now of helping you, and cannot understand that she would have to change her thinking and behavior to get along with you. That is not what you would wish for. If you are to be able to hold a new job, you need rest and peace and quiet in between hours of work. A solution will have to be different than what you have tried so far, and at least for a while, requires a lot of your energy. Stay as alert as you can, and remember that you are worth it! That is, you are worth being treated with respect, and you may have to train others in your family to make an effort to change. Look really hard, in places you might not have thought of before..... for help. Trust that you will find it soon and can put the pieces of the puzzle together!