Losing hope for me

[dark_haven]

I've been dealing with depression ever since I was 13 so about 10 years now. Topics have changed over the years from thinking I'm gonna be alone forever and now it just that I feel worthless in society. But thankfully I have my girlfriend that keeps me afloat. So I have had a few incidents at previous jobs that have made me fully believe that I'm unable to perform at any job. I wanna note that I'm possibly autistic and definitely ADHD with depression and anxiety on top of that. I also struggle pretty severely with social anxiety so the job market is extremely limited for me. With that I have lost all confidence in myself and have started to struggle for the past few years now with suicide ideation. I'm currently unemployed looking for part time jobs and also waiting to see if I'm eligible for disability which takes 9 months. But I absolutely feel like I'm losing my mind feeling like I'm better off dead because I can't work. It's really feeling like there is no way out accept death and I don't wanna feel this way. I go to therapy and a psychiatrist but nothing has been working. I'm at my wits end and can feel myself slipping away each day. What should I do?

[Franklin68]

Welcome Dark

Maybe go backwards with what you have tried. Therapy, meds, holistic and see if that might tell you where you go next or to tweek things.

There are sooo many things you can try, that maybe you haven’t considered. I /we can give you suggestions to explore with your providers, if you’d like.

I know for me, I wish I had journaled everything I had going on with me. Not just symptoms but everything I had tried to find answers.

For me it ended up being I was undermedicated. Hard to figure that out when sick as hell, so on paper I believe would have maybe help see that sooner

[SayNOtoPanic]

Hang in there dark. My suggestion is take it one step at a time. Don’t generalize your current situation to judge yourself wholly. Are you in school or interested in any graduate schooling or tech or trade? Any hobbies or crafts that interest you? If you can maybe make mini to do lists for yourself, things to occupy your time and that way your focus and attention is not just on the job search. Give yourself some grace. Lifting you in prayer. 🙏🏻

[dark_haven in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

Interested in tech but not motivation to start. I have a few little hobbies but mostly haven't been interested the past few months. I definitely need to incorporate making a list for things. Thank you

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to dark_haven]

You’re welcome. The no motivation and lack of interest is just the mental health struggle. Ur not alone. You got this!! Try out the list. Give yourself mini tasks from those things you’re interested in. Even something as small as will use the computer today. And try writing a positive success: completed this today.

[GreenGrass24]

Hey, I just want to say I hear you—and I’m really, really sorry you're going through this. It takes a lot of strength to be this honest and vulnerable, especially when it feels like nothing is helping. I’ve been in that dark place too, and it’s terrifying to feel like you’re running out of options. One thing that helped me was trying occupational therapy—something I honestly didn’t expect much from at first. But it turned out to be really different from therapy or meds. My OT helped me with the day-to-day stuff, like figuring out what kind of work environments actually suit my brain, building routines that don’t overwhelm me, and even navigating job anxiety in a way that felt doable. It wasn’t about “fixing” me—it was about finding ways to function in a world that isn’t always built for people like us. I know things feel impossible right now, but I promise this isn’t the end of your story. You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. I’m rooting for you so hard, and I hope you get the support you need to feel like yourself again. 💛