Feeling like there's really no hope for me.

I'm sick of having a so called mental illness. Most people out there are just cruel and mean. No one really gives a damn what happens to me. I'm 50 years old and I will never have children of my own. It's a bitter pill to swallow along with the other psyche meds I'm forced to take. No decent guy out there really wants to be in a relationship with me. Guess I'm just considered damaged goods. I can work part time and still receive disability but I can't get hired anywhere. And I receive food assistance too, if I work that gets cut. This is no way for anyone to have to live. I don't even have a car anymore and really, I can't afford car repairs over $200. I believe I could work full time if I had a job that was in a good working environment.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Read that last sentence of your post. If you believe it you can do it. That job is out there. So is that guy. You have a difficult set of circumstances for sure. But you are hanging in there. You give a damn about us and we give a damn about you!

[Hidden in reply to Catsamaze]

Thank you. I really hate how these days even for a basic part time job it is all apply online and hope and pray that we call you!!! I do have a high school diploma and I've taken a big variety of college classes at my local community college but I don't have a degree. I was trying to go back to college in my 30s but when I was getting close to 40 years old I realized it was just taking me forever to even obtain an associate's degree and I was tired of sitting in classrooms. I really have taken enough courses to be the equivalent of a two year degree, honestly. And I have worked at a few jobs in the past. My 40s were really rough on me. One by one all of my grandparents died on me, then one of my favorite uncle's who was my godfather committed suicide, and a year later my godmother passed away too. I was close to all of them and now they're all gone. I had a job for a year when I was 40, but I haven't worked since. I also had to move a few times, my longtime boyfriend and I had some issues where we separated for a few years. We still talk to each other on the phone and visit with each other sometimes, but we are more like good friends than really being a couple anymore and I don't know if I really want to try dating again or what!!! Now I'm living with my parents and I want to try to get my own apartment again but I don't have a car anymore. I'm trying to find some kind of job just so I can save up for another car. My Dad has said he can help me with some money towards another car but he's very vague about it and I know he wishes I could support myself better. I'm just surviving these days, I don't like depending on my parents either but it's better to be with them for now than being stuck in some kind of group home!!!

[Broken1971]

I'm in a very similar situation as you are. I'm sad about how things have turned out for me and what I've missed out on but I'm trying a new approach. I'm trying to think of new goals and new dreams to achieve. There's still so much you can achieve and you are still young!

[Hidden in reply to Broken1971]

Yes good advice I would also say are you eating well and trying to get exercise. I know you're stuck in a rut now but try to imagine when relaxing how or what you can do to improve your situation little by little for future prospects. It wouldn't hurt to apply for jobs you think might be good for you even if you don't get them it's good practice so you won't be so nervous during interviews in the future.

[crowningglory19]

It's good you reached out for support, that is a good start and I would suggest also an in person support group. Also, maybe volunteering is for you? It would help you by helping others and finding like minded people to become friends. Reach out to others, you will find a lot of people are kind, be honest, be you, but don't overshare. You are not damaged goods anymore than anyone else it, we all got problems and skeletons. You will find someone one good for you, keep looking but don't hyper-focus on it. Just go and do, be active in what you love, do classes, learn new things, join things, live life lively. Then you will find others who love what you love. Volunteering and taking classes looks great on a resume too. It might be tighter at first to try and to work but it will get you out of the pit far faster than sitting will. Pray for guidance and go where you are led. <3