Scared, haven't been me

[Racewac844]

I know I've been here before but hope people don't mind me reaching out more. I have a long history of trauma and I was pulling myself out of a black hole when I met my husband . Things were looking up and I was so happy. Things took a turn when we're getting married and nobody really showed up for me , my mom would say horrible things to me, experienced a job promotion then termination. Around that time I was hoping my husband and I could start trying to have a baby but it appeared we were either tired or something came up. Experienced sickness. People were treating me badly. And ivwas affecting me which impacted my husband and I. I began to spiral. All my progress had been lost which I was happy I tbiught I had a chance I feel selfish. Dealing w a friend betraying me too. This started to make me put myself down question who I was. I've noticed on cloudy days my ptsd is worse don't get that one. Loss of interest in things and sex. Feel like a bad person or I've changed. Feel like a nobody. Husband and I try to have sex but he gets soft, I know he can't help it i feel it's me.. I've been missing us, how I was a year ago or 2. Realizing my family dreams are gone which is another trauma, another sadness which I can't shake why am I having a hard time getting myself back, how can i get myself back when it's been trauma after trauma loss after loss.. I miss my husband our sex life etc. How can I let him know how I'm feeling wo being a broken record. Ivwant to fix me , us

[RelaxNBreathe7]

Sorry you’re feeling so bad. I understand the trauma after trauma. I have been experiencing death after death in my family. It’s so hard to recover from one when another comes. I am experiencing anxiety daily because of it all. What I can say is be honest with your husband about everything you’re feeling from the trauma, to the things about yourself, and the issues with you two. Ask him how y’all can make things better together, what he needs, and research what things you can do to make yourself feel better slowly. Talk to a therapist to help guide you. Your husband loves you, so he’ll understand. Hope things get better!

[Racewac844 in reply to RelaxNBreathe7]

Thank you it's been hard.even harder because I I feel I have nobody to talk to .I'll lose then or make them mad. I wonder if repeated trauma makes you feel like a bad person. I'm sorry for you and I'm here

[Racewac844 in reply to RelaxNBreathe7]

What if my husband won't talk to me aboit what's going on w him, he never really talks about what he feels or thinks

[Beloved01]

One thing people fail to understand is that in as much as it can sound like a broken record, we just need that one person that is ready to listen without getting fed up.

[roses4all]

Maybe your husband should have a medical exam to rule out a physical problem. There could be something going on that should be treated.

As someone with trauma... you can't go back to the old you. You can decide what you want or who you want to be... then see your doctor or psychiatrist for possible meds and a psychologist for counselling to help you get to the place you want to be. And it's tough.

[Garguantuan]

I've never been married but I have been in relationships my whole adult life and I will say communication is the solid foundation of every successful relationship. And I mean every. Learning how to communicate with each other opens new doors and in a world where trust is not automatic, it's very necessary. As a man, I wish my partner would talk to me about really important things but their trauma and lack of love means I just constantly have to sit in a place of understanding. I feel on the outside and I assume your husband might, too. He might know it's not him, but if he doesn't know what to do, he might not know what to say to make you feel better. Try and be positive for each other even if you don't necessarily feel that way. Loving and laughing is a very special type of medicine.

[Racewac844 in reply to Garguantuan]

Thank you just been abused my whole entire life and it may be hard to believe ..trauma after trauma . Another trauma knowing I may never have kids or give him one and it's really affecting me especially since i was foolish and made a decision to abort at 27. This is bothering me latelyHe loves me treats me good but the last 2 years have been rough for both of us. On top of everything I miss us, want us to take care of each other , I don't want to be selfish , want to be better for him myself. I don't want to be another burden that's why I'm trying to help myself. Want us to talk , cause I hesr communication is important but dint want to be a broken record or us lose each other or get into an argument. Been thinking of writing him a letter writing is easier for me

[Garguantuan in reply to Racewac844]

Writing is a phenomenal idea!! That's what I meant by learning how to communicate. Try something new, something old, etc. Whatever helps y'all feel less alone. Having that special someone power through hard times with us makes all the difference. Having a 3rd person for both of y'all to talk to will help as well. That helps make sure you each get a turn to say what's on your mind. And writing will help you take your time to let it all out. Then there is no pressure for him to respond immediately, thus giving him time to make sure he understands what you mean before he responds. Maybe writing each other notes will be just what you need. I prefer to handle situations in person so I can see, feel, and hear my partners tone. My partner has been through things that make it uncomfortable and prefers to text. Because I want us to work, I text throughout the day and by the end of the night, we can talk face-to-face to make sure we are still on the same page. I believe your traumas are beyond my comprehension. But you are taking the steps needed to get to a much better place.

[tiggra]

I'm so sorry. You're overwhelmed. Best thing to do is not judge yourself, and let yourself move forward. You can't change what happened. Easier said than done, but please try. Your husband probably doesn't know how to help you. Best thing would be to t ell him how much you love him and and try little things to get the romance back. He can get some meds to help his man problems also. He needs to take steps as well.