Rock bottom. Rare personality type.

[pearl033]

It’s me who has to make the changes i need to survive in this world. They say there’s no where else to go when you’re at the bottom than up. In my mind, there’s three choices; End my life and be completely free, one. Two, stay at rock bottom until i try to attempt again OR three where i get my life together and give my all into everyday n live like there’s no tomorrow. I have chosen Lucky number 3, even though i struggle to make the best out of everyday. I bought my mom flowers recently out of no where and told her i appreciated her and love her. I’d say fuck Mother’s day, why is it just one day mothers are appreciated the most? A lot of things about society make my brain hurt and i struggle to understand the stupidity i see daily. I guess you could say i’m “woke”, i can see through most things for what it really is, i have a super power :). Most people don’t stick around and through high school people were fake, i was too real to continue being played. I’ve never been in a REAL fight because i have so much anger in me that they would probably sue me while their laying in a hospital bed.

[Ellamaye]

I admire your attitude . Your post shows you as a strong individual I'm glad you shared your determination and views with us on HU. As for society...I've never understood what drives the masses and don't really care 😅

[pearl033 in reply to Ellamaye]

I appreciate your honesty

[Sandpiper14]

I’m really glad you chose lucky no. 3

[pearl033 in reply to Sandpiper14]

Thank you, that means a lot to me!🫶🏼

[pearl033]

The thing is, i had made that promise to myself and even got a tattoo symbolizing me being strong enough not to attempt again. And i had failed.

Right now i stuck myself so far up works ass that the suicidal thoughts turned into stressing about making payments on time.

It’s so difficult going from deciding to leave everything to then caring about those things again. That switch for me is hard but i’ve done it too many times i feel it gets harder every time.

[hypercat54]

Just to let you know I deleted my response to you because your post isn't locked to this community. I don't want info like that to go viral and even appear on social media.

[Midori]

Hi Pearl

Now, you need to channel the anger at yourself, and give yourself a kick in the rear. It's what I had to do when my husband suicided, leaving me with 2 under school aged children. It isn't always easy, but if I can do it, as down as I was, then I'm sure you can too.

You sound like you are independent, as I am. I am my own worst critic, but if we can turn the self-criticism towards positive outcomes, we are more likely to succeed in the task of dragging ourselves up, if necessary, kicking and screaming!

Cheers, Midori

[pearl033]

Thank you and yes i am hard on myself, i know i can do better so strive for it. And thank you for agreeing w me, i’m happy to know i'm not the only one.

[MaggieSylvie]

It's like we celebrate our birthdays, but who has ever considered that perhaps it is our mums who should be celebrated on that day for all the pain and effort they went through, and yes, gifts at any time "unbirthday presents" (Winnie the Pooh, I think). I ysed to love someone who's family never had things ready for Christmas (well they did share presents) and so knitted items were given all through the year because they weren't finished in time for the holiday. We do miss the point a bit, sometimes.

[CKC2023 in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Your post struck me because my Mother always used to say the same about birthdays, that it should be the Mom celebrated! She had 7 kids....

[MaggieSylvie in reply to CKC2023]

Seven kids! She should be celebrated, indeed. My mum was really pleased when I said that to her one birthday.

[MaggieSylvie]

Absolutely! And you have chosen the best, and yet the most difficult path. You are one strong human being - particularly for restraining yourself when angry. I totally get that. I'd loved to have wopped certain people - in car parks in particular. Well done to you.😀

[Kinlay]

How lovely that you bought your Mother flowers! The more you do random acts of kindness like that, you better you will feel about yourself. Hang in there and know you are not alone.

[SameTimeTomorrow7]

You're cool. I like what you've said. Carry on !!