I don't want to reach rock bottom because it might be my end

It has been months since I was here and I think my depression has got the best of me. About a week or two ago I was riding my bicycle to work and 3 times I was about to get ran over and to be honest a dark part of me just wanted that to happen. I said maybe all this pain all this bitterness might end it once and for all. I have just realized that my depression is getting worse and im not seek help. Yesterday I opened up to my best friend who is like my sister and I told her that I don't want to reach rock bottom because I might like it. I makes me feel sick that I have like fallen in love with this pain with the loneliness. But that's tje truth I want out but at the same time im so used to it that I don't want to change that in me

[brokenlight]

“I don’t want to reach rock bottom because I might like it”

Damn... that’s deep and really resonates with me.

Being at home in pain & darkness or being comforted by their familiarity is such a real thing.

Thank you for your honest post & for being here ✨

[foxglove_pnw]

Hi LonelyStar27 ,

I am so glad you are here !

I would love to know more details about your situation . Are you taking any medication for depression, seeing a therapist ?

Those feelings are so hard and so real but they will pass !

I am so glad you opened up to your friend !

Let me know how you are feeling !

Take care ❤️

[Hidden in reply to foxglove_pnw]

It was so hard to at work I just wanted to crawl in bed and not be around people. But being stuck in my house fills my head with scary images and I just want to cry myself to sleep

[Rick1on1]

Hi, I think at a time like this, one needs to grasp onto a hope or dream of the future.

If you had to think about it - what would you be doing if you had the choice?

[Hidden in reply to Rick1on1]

I had many dreams my biggest one would be becoming a mother but a long time ago I gave up on that dream

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Me too.

[Rick1on1 in reply to Hidden]

Is there anything else you really want for yourself?

[Hidden]

yes..you are comfortable in what your use to..you will break the cycle eventually when you get far too comfortable..it does take time and in this case some spiralling but youll gain wisdom, strength to name the least and youll become a bigger and better you..just keep going..your doing well

[fullquiver0123]

Hidden I am sorry you are carrying this pain. You describe a deep insight into the perverse lure that makes it easy to sink into depression rather than fight your way out. But I encourage you to fight! Fight to see your life as valuable and worthy to be changed. Depending on how we think, change can feel like a scary obstacle or a hopeful pursuit of personal growth and freedom. Our thoughts impact our lives far more than any relationship. And just because a thought pops into our head doesn't mean we have to believe it. I'm glad you have a best friend to confide in and comfort you. And I bet her world is better because you're in it. I realize it may be hard to be around people when you feel down, but the isolation will make it worse. What do you think about joining a NAMI support group?

[Hidden in reply to fullquiver0123]

I would love to try it I really need a change in my life

[Zhangliqun]

Why are you not seeking help?