Severely depressed and beyond rock bottom

[Venus24]

Hi, this is my first post here so super anxious and not really sure what to expect. I'm a 23yr old married female and I've had depression around 6 years or so now, honestly I thought the worst would be over by now but boy was I wrong, it had been a while since I hurt myself but unfortunately a few days ago I fell back into old habits and tonight I've lost all hope I just want to go to sleep and never wake up, how is that one persons words and actions can cause me to fall into such a spiral, I don't know what to do I don't feel like i have any strength left to keep fighting... not even sure how I found myself here or why I have given up so much in this past week but I think I truly might be lost

[Hidden]

Hang in there friend, people tell me that as long as you’re still here you aren’t truly lost.

[Svtempus]

Hey, listen, I think I’ve had some form of anxiety or depression since birth and there are good times and then there are bad times, so I understand you, I truly relate, and listen, things can get better but it’s not magic, I wish it were. There will always be people who can really hurt us with one word even. But there must be people who do the opposite. You posted on here and that’s a start. There are plenty of us here willing to help and listen

[mrsherron]

I have been feeling the same way...that I don’t have the strength to fight the anxiety and depression. But I still push on. You are here and talking about it...so you are still trying, and that is so good. I’m so sorry things are hard for you.

[Dabela]

Hello Venus24 I am new to this as well and I really relate to your post. I have lost track of how many times I have thought the worst has to be over by now. Depression and anxiety feel like they are eating me alive at times and I also just recently fell back into old habits so I know what that feels like. I know what it’s like to go to bed and hope against all hope you just don’t wake up. To feel depleted and lost. I just want you to know you’re not alone. And if you ever want to talk I’m always looking for a friend 🙂

[Venus24 in reply to Dabela]

Thank you 😊 I am always looking for a friend too so I followed you so now we can always have someone to talk to

[Dabela in reply to Venus24]

Thank you, that sounds really nice!

[bonkers65]

I'm sorry you feel so bad but trust me - you are not alone. I don't know what to tell you except try to take one day at a time.

[Hidden]

Welcome Venus24. You’ve been lead to the right place for Support. It has been helpful for me to read the varying points of only to hit the thumbs up in agreement. Is there someone near who you can talk with now? If you need to hear a real voice, telephone the Suicide Hotline. When you experience this feeling years ago how did you get through the rough spots..... therapy, medication, Church?

[Venus24]

Thank you so much everyone for all the support it really helped me not to feel alone, I wish I had people close to me who I could talk to but I don't speak to or see any of my family, the one person who helped me pull through this before was my now husband and now somehow he has now become the reason I feel this way again, i wish I could make him understand what a big affect he has on my mental health. Last night was terrible, we sat down to watch a show on netflix and I had the controller all he did was ask me to skip the intro but I couldn't do it in time and I felt defeated and told him to stop pressuring me, maybe not the best choice but that's what it felt like to me, something so simple but I felt such an immense pressure to get it right and when I couldn't it sucked but of course me saying that caused him to get annoyed with me and say some really mean things and I felt a million times worse, I thought if we slept he would wake up and finally apologise for the hurtful things he said but no he is ignoring me so I'm guessing he is still annoyed, I know i started it but I don't feel like I should have to apologise first as I didn't respond to him with hurtful words and he should really understand how my brain works at least a bit considering we have been together 6 years this November. I know even if I do apologise first that he will probably just say "ok" then proceed to not apologise to me and that will just annoy me and that's the last thing I want. Anyways thanks for reading and thank you for all your help 💕

[KrierandRosie]

You are so young to be married. I was immature at that age. I could be your mother/grandmother. Depression/anxiety lasts forever, so you will always struggle. Times are good and bad. I have no special words to make it go away. I wish I could. The members here live all over, so it is tough not to speak in person. But we all have this in common. Outsiders do not understand us and probably don’t care. I read self help books, exercise, talk to my dogs, anything to block it. Words have hurt me so much, also, and many people are just too dumb to know words are powerful. Just don’t punish yourself. Your partner needs to sympathize, not ridicule. I grew up with verbal and emotional abuse, also. When your own mother isn’t on your side, you MUST be good to YOU.

[Kate2411fl]

Hi venus24... I relate a lot to what you are saying. My fiance and i have very similar interactions. My sensitivity rubs him the wrong way for some reason. When i get hurt by something little, it turns i to something big. Really mean things get said. Then the silence follows. I end up fealing guilty because it was my sensitivity that set it off. I wish i were more tough. I also wish he was more gentle and patient and empathetic.

In the end, we have separated. That sucks and its been so hard. BUT... I also am getting the opportunity to be strong for myself. Its literally been only 2 days. But im trying to look at the upside. Being alone is making me look at everything with a clearer head. Get on meds and get help. And its making me look at him and realize that maybe a harsh and short tempered person isnt who i should be with. Weather im healthy or not.