New to forum - my story

[roberto1979]

Hi folks,

New here, found the page through some Googling and like the look of the forum, I'm excited about connecting with some of you.

My story's fairly common - suffered a big work-related burnout towards the end of December. Working too much, no boundaries when I was working from home, people-pleasing perfectionist traits, a boss who has been a bit of a bully, and doing a million other (good) things in my life at the same time outside work.... one day I got up and it just all hit me like a ten-ton weight.

2023 was the best year of my life personally and professionally - but I crashed hard, and have been struggling with anxiety and depression since. Thankfully my employer is great and has given me the time off to recover, but it's been tough. Have been on Lexapro since then (my doctor increased the dosage gradually), but to be honest haven't felt much of an effect through that, and two months in I think I'm going to ask to change meds, I would love to have a little of that therapeutic effect to make my days a little easier.

Started psychotherapy proper today (I was with a counsellor before - nice guy but not really able to provide what I needed in terms of tools) and that was good - but scary. I've been exercising, walking the dogs and trying to get out with friends and stay connected, but realized that I've been spending way too much time on the sofa, ruminating, going to bed way too early, and actually making my symptoms and mood worse as a result.

Honestly, the challenge is deciding what activities to do when I feel my pilot light is currently out - it's hard to make decisions in the moment and don't get a lot of immediate gratification from doing the things I normally love, so my "solution" has been to retreat from them, what's the point right? I realize that this is self-defeating, so am trying to put some structure in my days that doesn't involve lying horizontally and staying in my head and saying "no" to things.

For folks who have been through similar experiences and are off work, would really appreciate any tips and lessons from how to structure your days. I miss my job, but it's way too early to go back now - but I've gone from being occupied for 60 hours a week to having empty days, and that's been one of the toughest things to deal with that has actually added to the burnout, which was hard enough in the first place.

Welcome any insights you may have on this. And thanks for being such an awesome community!

[Yellowandgreen2014]

I am high functioning Autistic. I have battled with Anxiety and Depression and difficulty controlling emotions since I was a child. I worked in childcare for 7 years. I didn't realize how much my career was having a major impact on my emotions and anxiety and depression. I had gotten involved in a relationship that I was getting a little to involved to quickly with. That had a major impact on my mental and emotional health. Not to mention, the job I was working at was short staffed and I had to work up to 12 hrs some days. I was taken out of the classroom I was used to working in and placed in another classroom. I went from working with 2s and 3s to working with toddlers that just transitioned from the infant room. During that time, I was working with 6 toddlers by myself and it was a struggle to get any help when situations happen that required extra help. My emotions and mental health got the best of me and after 5 years I was terminated.

I started work at another location, but I began to feel that I was just being ignored at that job and was bot being treated fairly. I had told the director that I had mental problems and would need ro be checked up on more regularly, but that was not taken in consideration.

Now, I no longer work until I can get myself straightened out ad I no longer have a car due to being in an accident. I've become very dependent on others to get me places and may even have to quit playing on my special needs baseball team due to lack of transportation. I am currently seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist and seeing the support I need to be able to get back on my feet again. I've spoke to several people, including the organization that supports the baseball team to get help.

I know I can find a place for me to work. I know I can work in a different career field that is more suited for me where I do not have to deal with the public as much, can form better relationships with my co-workers, and get the on site accommodations that I have a right to and deserve. Accommodations which will not cost anyone anyore money, just a little more time. I know I can get this accomplished by having a support person (a job or life coach) that will advocate for me

I sure do miss working and want to going to work Monday-Friday instead of staying at home. Now, I feel lonely, useless, and just have little motivation. I know if I keep striving towards the goals I have set and take advantage of the resources and fa.ily I have, that I will get back on the right track

[roberto1979 in reply to Yellowandgreen2014]

Thanks for the reply! It’s good to hear that you have all the support you need to get back to work and continue growing. In today’s society we put so much of our own personal value in work, so it’s hard when we’re not working… you have my utmost respect for the positive path you’re on - things will get better!

[Yellowandgreen2014 in reply to roberto1979]

Things will get better for you too! Just keep thinking positive and keep working on settings goals. I'm doing my best to stay positive even though I feel a little broken deep down inside.

[Hidden]

Big Welcome Roberto!

What I did going from a business owner at 70 hours a week to retired.

What did I do. Help others

[LongestBlue]

Welcome Roberto,

You have found the right place for support! I am new to this group but as I follow each day there is much wisdom, compassion and hope here among members! I relate to your journey as a busy bee! The strong traits of “super achieving”, people pleasing and more swing hard the other way when trying to recover from burn out / depression. But you are still full of wisdom even though you may not feel/ or think so at this time. This dark, uncertain, confusing time will pass. Good for you to recognize a change was needed in a therapist, as well if you feel a different antidepressant is needed. And yes, for structure to your day with small goals and a regular schedule will help. It will take sometime to see the benefits of the antidepressant but it does happen. For myself I keep to regular times to get up (bed times), eat (meal times), meds, walk, hygiene, find something mind stimulating ( something simple), connect with humans, and practice gratitude and mindfulness throughout the waking day. It will get easier, quiet the critic in your mind and awaken the your compassionate voice, you are enough and worthy!