I'm new to this and I don't often share my mental health/past (been fired before for it).
I think I was first diagnosed with depression/anxiety when I was in early elementary. I've been suicidal more times than I can count and that has led to a loss in memory from certain periods in my life.
In high school while writing a paper on abusive relationships, I realized my father was abusive to myself, my mother and brother.
During the start of COVID, I lost my job due to mental health (I was stable and had my depression meds decreased, however, my father who managed my medications/health took me off a medication that destabilized me and I didn't know he did it at the time).
After that, the anxiety became panic disorder and I was then diagnosed with PTSD. I was finally able to move away from him recently at the age of 25, but I still struggle with my mental health and have been told to be around others more often for my safety; my mother is a main safety net for me, but it's been agreed that my father likes to focus on me and it would be best if I were to not be around their house anymore.
I contacted a crisis line tonight during a panic attack that led me here. I'm not sure what I should be doing, how I can help myself or what to expect from this community. I'm simply going to keep trying to hold on and make it through and hope that one day, things won't be as hard and I'll find people who can support me.
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LifeisLikeGarden
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9 Replies
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Omg... thank you so much for sharing. It is such a cruel and awful feeling to be penalized in life for sharing your truth. I am so sorry you had to experience that. It is unfortunate that we have very limited audiences to express such "real shit" with. I am so happy you found this group, which has been pretty helpful to me so far(I am very new here).
I have also had to struggle with distancing immediate family in order to find a path to my own wellness. I am here if you want to direct message me. Much love to you 💖
Thank you very much. I'm not sure what to expect from this group, but so far people are very positive here and I was told this might be a good place for me to feel safe. Thanks for the response and the offer.
Much love to you as well, and I am sorry for having to distance yourself. Same goes to you, you can message me anytime.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. And trusting us with that knowledge. Its pretty amazing of you. To have gone what you have gone through and still move out on your own and work. Sorry that you have lost a job because of sharing your story and mental health issues. Nobody should be fired for letting people know your boundaries.
What to expect from a place like this? Well you will find that you are not alone, that's for sure. You will find encouragement and support when you ask for it. You will find people who are willing to share with you their own struggles and maybe you can help them with theirs. In a way help each other.
You will find it's a safe place to vent about things that PTSD can cause. I have cPTSD. Difficult childhood for me.
You can share your success stories here to help inspire others. Or if you need advice people here will happily share their knowledge with you.
Sometimes there are trolls. Can't have the sweet without the bitter. But it's not often.
So I say you are off to a great start in reach out.
If you ever want to chat DM me sometime. We don't have to talk about PTSD. We can talk about other things like interests.
Thank you for the greeting. I appreciate the openness. Difficult childhood for me, too. You can DM anytime as well; anything is fine with me. I wish you well, too.
Welcome, it takes a lot courage to open up and share your story, good for you and I hope you find it helpful for you here.
Sounds like you have realized how abusive your father is and to never let him be in charge of your medication or anything regarding you again. Your mother may possibly suffer from codependency and you may also from growing up in an abusive household. You might also have low-self-esteem/self-worth because of the dynamics of your household growing up and would benefit from learning how to stand up for yourself and set healthy boundaries to better deal with your father and others. There is a lot of good info on youtube about healing codependency and low-self-worth/self-esteem you can check out and benefit from. If possible, you would benefit from finding a therapist that specifically treats trauma/c-ptsd, mine used emdr as part of the therapy which was very beneficial for me.
I've definitely learned things the hard way. Unfortunately, it wasn't really a choice to have my father be in charge of my medications. I'm sure my mom does suffer from codependency, but there's nothing I can do about that. I'll definitely look more into things to help my self-worth. It could be very helpful right now for me. EMDR is great. I've used it in the past. The only problem is finding a therapist who can do it, is a great fit for you, and is available enough. Thanks for the response and reach out if you ever need anything!
You're welcome and you are right about your mother. The thing to be aware of if she is codependent is your not subconsciously repeating the dynamic which is easy to do. Best to you.
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