Hi, so about a year and a half ago I got some test results that were kind of concerning. I did not handle them well at all. I think I would have been fine if I had just dealt with them like a normal person. But instead I spiraled so out of control, I got to the point I couldn’t function and had to take nine months off of work. I am back at work but struggle every single day with this profound, chronic, all consuming anxiety. I was on four different meds but now I’m on three different ones. One being a benzo and I hate being on it.
Sometimes I will marvel at myself, like “Wow, I’m doing okay and I don’t feel the anxiety!” My brain isn’t throbbing, my stomach isn’t twisting, and my blood pressure is not stroke level! But as soon as my brain recognizes that, it snaps back into fight or flight and extreme debilitating stress, anxiety, and rumination. It’s like my body wants to be sick and I’m sabotaging my health. I have developed so many health problems over the past year, and it’s all because of this constant 24/7 fight or flight. Anyone know what to do or say to my body to make it stop hurting itself? Does anyone feel like this? It’s been going on for such a long time. I have autoimmune diseases, resistant blood pressure, vascular issues, and I’m only 53. I try to exercise when I can and eat healthy. You would look at me and think I’m fine, but I’m absolutely a wreck inside. I feel like I could have a stroke every day.
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Goldenlover0730
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Thanks so much for the reply! I don't know why, but I guess hearing support from this site, and realizing other people experience the same thing is helpful. I really have felt so much throughout this past couple of years that my anxiety is worse than anyone else's in the world! I know that people have "pangs", and episodes, but when it is relentless day in and day out for this long, feeling like it will never go away, sometimes I feel so alone. I have been having some good days here and there, reading a lot about anxiety. Actual books, like "Thriving with Anxiety" does also help. I do appreciate the mantra "Feelings are not Facts" and do need to get back to that! Congratulations on your 44 day stretch! I am going to start small and even give myself a pat on the back if I can get to five! Peace and love!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I went through a similar situation last year which capitulated my depression and anxiety. Had some scary health scares.. didn’t react well to it, had to go off work, be medicated! Yep the whole lot! Have you tried CBT?
Yes, exactly what you said…over sensitized nervous system. The longer you are in fight or flight, the more easily triggered you become. Rinse and repeat. I have tried literally everything to get rid of this anxiety. Meditation, medication, supplements, exercise, therapy, different gadgets like vagus nerve stimulation and reading. I think it’s something we just need to resolve in our own minds. It is comforting to hear the people on this site going through the same things, but ultimately, we need to figure it out ourselves. I just keep hoping and waiting for that Oprah “aha” moment and then it just dissipates. Haven’t found it yet, but I keep searching! Good luck with your journey as well. 🙂
I feel this post so much because I have also been feeling like my anxiety has to be worse than everyone else’s because how do they function?! But I guess from outside looking in, people may think that I am functioning fine, when in all honesty, I feel like I’m dying every day and don’t know anymore what is really a “health” issue and what is anxiety. I’m also afraid to take meds because of a reaction I had to celexa earlier this year that really started my spiral. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in so long. I wake up every hour and it just seems like when I lay down to try to sleep that is when I can feel everything ache or pain and I can feel my heart beat which stresses me out and keeps me from being able to rest. I hate this feeling! I hate to hear that others feel this bad too, but also it helps to know that I’m not the only one. I just feel like I need a break from the stress, pains, and anxiety so my body and nerves can heal.
I can relate to all these posts --Sorry that we go through these Bad bouts of Anxiety & fear! Nothing stays the same, though, it may feel that way. I have been Very Stressed out esp. these past three years due to an exerabaion of my "flight or fight" response from being a caretaker to my Sig. Other, then he passed away last Nov., & then having to move in with relatives that caused me more tension & Stress. I will be moving to my Own place & far away from these relatives which is good; however, I am Nervous about the move, excited too --Lots of changes in my life! I do have health issues which get A lot worse with that "flight or fight" activation! Have high blood pressure (am on med. for that), have Type 2 Diabetes (flares worse from stress), have autoimmune disease, etc. --All flared up from Emotional stuff. What we need to do is to incorporate the "Relaxation Response" which I am sure we all know & How to do this is Not easy. For me, doing diag. breathing helps, walking outside helps, relaxation exercises from head to foot helps When I do it which is Not very often! Crocheting, any type of hobby is helpful. Mantras help like saying to oneself, "Nothing is permanent except change," "This too shall pass," "I will be okay," etc. Easier said, then done. I read articles on my phone about Anxiety, books, helps some. We are Definitely Not alone, tho. it feels that way, at times! Never know the struggles that many (with & without Anxiety, and or Depression) are going through! Many people wear "the OK Mask," I do when out with family, or out by myself --one would look at me & think I am Fine --So, Far from the truth --I feel a Wreck inside, at times. Sometimes, we have reasons to feel Not okay, not that it's good to feel Not okay, but there are reasons that we need to work on! I take meds. which I don't like, but are helping some. Hugs & prayers for healing!
That's a very sweet and thoughtful response! Yes, anxiety does cause all the blood pressure and autoimmune issues for sure! I have them both and then some! But people on the outside have no idea how much of a wreck I am inside either. I am a professional, get dressed up, go to work, and function somehow. But all throughout the day I have to put on meditation calming music so I don’t jump out of my skin! I appreciate your kind, comforting response and love your mantras! The only permanent thing is change is really good, and “This too shall pass.” is what my grandmother used to say. She passed last December so that has not helped. Wishing you such good luck and positive vibes for when you get away from those relatives and find some peace by yourself. And sorry about your partner, that is rough 😞 Take care and keep us posted!
Hi- So glad that I helped even a little! It does feel good to have this group where we can share & know that there is understanding & that we are Not Alone. It take courage to go to work like you do & hopefully, the anxiety you have will ease! Think that we have to find the Right combination of therapy, medication, alternative treatments, and our own inner knowledge! Thank you for the positive vibes re. my moving. It will be good to get away from them --just Very nervous moving which I guess is normal to be nervous with All the changes in my life. Yeah, a little bit of luck sure can help in our lives, too! Wishing you All the best with your struggles, too! I shall keep you & others on HU up to date!
I’m sorry we are all going through this 😞 People looking at us thinking we are fine and not having the slightest clue as to what we are battling inside. And yeah, the sleep problem is the worst. When you just want to quiet your brain for 7-8 hours and you just can’t. I’m actually seeing a sleep therapist in addition to a regular one. Trying trying trying is all we can do! I hope you and I both get some sleep and have a better New Year!
Hi, I'm so sorry your suffering with anxiety. One of the best things that I learned from a psychologist when anxiety consumed me. He said challenge the anxiety. Play out your thoughts. I would feel like I was dying, and I would sit and tell the anxiety to get worse, to get really bad. But it wouldn't. I kept doing this until I could be in public feeling somewhat normal and I would say to myself. This is a great place to have an anxiety attack, then I would wait for it to happen and it didn't. I have suffered from anxiety fir a long time. But I now know that it won't kill me. It takes a while to perfect this but you can do it and the results are great.For me stress is a big factor. When I have alot of stressors happening and sub consciously I don't want to deal with them, my body goes into anxiety mode. Figuring out your stressors and what can you really do about them is huge. Be kind to yourself. You do not have to suffer like this. I was off work for 6 months one time due to feeling like I was having a constant panic attack. I have been in therapy for years and have learned what works for me. I really hope this subsides for you. It is absolutely no fun. Wishing you the very best!
Thanks for the kind response! And yes, I have heard that exposure therapy is really effective. Unfortunately, mine is kind of generalize and I feel the anxiety a lot without even knowing where it’s coming from. Eight months for me, staying home. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be and I would much rather feel healthy and work! You keep trying and I’ll keep trying and hopefully we will have a much better New Year! Peace and love!
That is the hard part to figure out. Is where it is coming from. At my worse I couldn't focus or even think of why this was happening to me. All I could do was let my thoughts run rampant. If you are going through stressors, please know that is the culprit. I am with you on I would rather feel healthy and work. I do hope you have a better New Year. Many blessings to you!!!
hi Golden lover, I’m a 53 year female.. I have been in fight or flight since I was a little girl.
When I was younger I wouldn’t go on meds so I did self therapy ALOT!
I was unable to hold a job and had shitty relationships. It wasn’t until I had my kids that I went on meds that was 25 years ago.
They made me so numb to life that it just passed me by and I forgot to live it. That was the only way I could hold a job down and it had to be done, I was a single parent.
I am just 2 months off any meds be cause of my medical issues.
Am I depressed… yes! Do I have anxiety?… yes… I need to believe the brain is very powerful and what you make it do , it does!
You said yourself you are fine one minute then when you “THOUGHT” about it, it came back. Only YOU have control over those thoughts! When that happens take some deep breaths over and over and take your mind someplace else.
Boy I wish I could take my own advice right now. I feel like I’m a lost cause sometimes. I got off the meds because I know they put a lot of strain on the body. I have been dealing with extreme constipation and everytime I stopped my meds I could use the bathroom and I kept going back on them. Now when I stop them I can’t use the bathroom anymore.
As of yesterdays diagnoses, me screaming at drs telling them something is wrong, I just know it. I was having some major health issue that I knew were not normal. So I had to make the doc do a colonoscopy, which he said”you don’t need that, you only need one every 10 years”. 🤦🏻♀️ I told him something is wrong you need to do it. Glad he did I had precancerous polyps and diverticulosis..
I knew there was something else wrong I’ve lost 30lbs fast and keep getting sick can’t swallow and lots of other issues. I thought they were caused by my meds, So I stopped taking them and some of the symptoms subsided.
So I went back on them for a few weeks and my syptoms got really bad really fast. Stopped them again. In my own research I told the doc what I thought I had, so he tested for it.
Sure enough I have Vasculitis🥹 so I’m too scared to go back on the meds because who knows what they did to my body. Health wise I always felt better off the meds but I needed them to function and now I’m afraid I’m past the point of no return.
Knowing that I might not be able to take any meds horrifies me..
I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I can function in a daily life without meds.. it’s mind over matter.. I have to keep telling myself that. There are times I’m so depressed I can’t even open my mouth to answer somebody’s question. I will be doing something and out of the blue my heart will drop and I can’t breath. We’ve gotta keep moving forward.
I used to love to put on my heals and enjoy a night out… or even putting on my makeup to go to work, that’s even a task, so I don’t do it. I have a really exciting job in the sports and entertainment world. I was GM, slowly I’m working my way to less and less hours, now I’m just a Supervisor not making nearly the amount of money I was.
That in its self gives me so much anxiety… how will I pay my bills. 😲
I’m trying to face that I might not ever be that person anymore. That in itself causes my depression to soar. I’ve got to learn to deal with what is here and now. I will be fine and so will you. Mind over matter girl! You’ve got this!🩷🩷 🫶🫶 if you need to talk I’ll be here. You can email me if you’d like.
Thanks for the kind thoughtful response. Any stories of people that I can relate to comfort me. When I’m feeling especially awful, I get on this site and feel better ❤️🩹 Peace and Love to you, and all of us!
I just read your message again. Wow! So many parallels. Yeah, I will tell you and I’m sure you would agree, anytime we are women and have anxiety, all doctors dismiss us and attribute everything to anxiety. Heart problems, stomach problems, brain problems, literally Every.Single.Thing. But then they just chalk it up to psychological, ignoring the fact that while yes, it’s anxiety, it’s ALL the health problems that it causes. My primary doctor just told me to “run along”, “everything is fine”. Finally got into a cardiologist who put me on three blood pressure medications because it is stroke level half the time. You really have to be your own advocate because they will all just ignore you! What state/country do you live in, if you don’t mind me asking?
Interesting 🤨 Do you like it there? I’m probably going to move in the next year, not sure if I will stay in US, may try to move abroad. So do you ever feel like you are so anxious you are going to have a stroke? I feel like I can feel my vascular system all through my head, neck, eyes and chest are affected. My BP just goes so high ☹️
Absolutely! I get paranoid like everybody is watching me some times I get frozen in my spot. Or I get really angry. I guess because I can’t control it. I worked so much like I said before I never had time to make friends. And this town is soooo hard to make friends. No I don’t like it here.
Thanks, that was pretty upsetting and disturbing. No idea where that rage and anger came from. I’ve never seen anyone be anything other than supportive or unkind.
Thanks, I appreciate that. I was trying to figure out if it was some ragy incel or what. I feel like it was a male with a lot of political motivation. They didn’t really seem like the words of a woman, but who knows? I hope they stay off this platform because no one here needs anything but kindness and compassion.
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I can’t handle much more......
Fight the good fight 
Flight of fear
Anxiety and depression 
