Reaching the far side....Alone.

[secrets22]

At this time of year its good to reflect on whats gone by, good, bad and indifferent, and i look back all those years when my wandering started, I made some friends along the way ,shaking hands to say its good to know you, but some didn't stay and some never made it, and some have brought me to the brink of despair because of misplaced trust,, differences and misunderstandings sometimes arise, but it should never ruin anything that matters, but it often does. I look at life like a tightrope, we can falter when crossing a ravine, but with diligence we can get to the other side, it may be a perilous journey, but it is a journey we must all take when faced with insurmountable odds. If i could go back, i would go back 20 years when David was entering his most eventful phase ,and yet it was snatched away from him, leaving me like a piece of Flotsam drifting at high tide. I dont know how I've made it thus far, but its taken its toll, both mentally and physically, and i know i'm not the person i was, its changed me.

I have a few friends in a similar situation and they concur, and until it happens to you no one has any idea of the unrelenting anguish one goes through. It is an aloneness which encompasses every single day, you can be in a crowd but feel totally on your own, such is the price of grief. Its now been 4 long years, dealing with things i never thought i would have to ,but here i am doing the very best i can on the far side.

[mizzou7016]

for me it is feeling alone....even though I am not alone......as the legendary Icon Robin Williams said.....loneliness is not the concept of actually being alone.....it is the concept of being around people that make you feel that way......right now I have a good core group of people....and don't feel alone....i appreciate you and all that you do for the chat.....thanks for being there

[secrets22 in reply to mizzou7016]

Thankyou...i to have a number of people around me, and for a brief time the world seems kinder, but its coming home to an empty house when the aloneness sets in.

[secrets22]

hello my dear Mandy, yes life is a struggle for many of us, and as the years roll be life seems to get harder, but at least i am still here. i will try to find Stippler's post. Actually I am helping with a Christmas lunch for 70 people on Christmas day, its for single people on their own, so i have been making gateau for those who dont like Christmas pudding.I guess you will be with mum and your sister, have a great day.xx

[secrets22]

hey corgi_fan817.....i hear you and i feel pretty much the same ,my mind and thoughts are not in the now, they are in a far place, far removed from the life i have now, and like you i question my very being. This year, this Christmas, has reduced me to a feeble wreck, devoid of any feeling's. The joy i used to know is now a sad memory. I look forward the brighter days and i wish you very much the same, we will get through this bad patch, i wish you love.

[secrets22]

Hey Mandy, your mothers baking looks an absolute joy, absolute perfection.x

[secrets22]

Its difficult to know why on earth we are here.

[secrets22]

to be honest i have yet to find my purpose in life, i have always been kind and very generous, but it lead me nowhere, the search is still on.,x