Fear of being alone...

[Aspergirl47]

Hey Everyone...I feel I'm losing my mind over this problem...I live with my son and developed a real fear of him leaving the house in the morning and I'm alone...It starts off by waking up with a jolt..start shaking like crazy and the heart speeds up but the worst is the thoughts..i cant control them..all fearful and negative...im ashamed to say it gets so bad I end up getting up and asking my son to stay in ..I know its affecting him too and I don't know what to do...I never see family and I'm isolated being a carer for my son for years(he has autism)..so I never made any sort of life for myself and then found out in 2015 I have had Aspergers all along..this made it even more difficult to make friends....Appreciate any suggestions from u helpful people..Glad I found this site...x

[Forestina]

Poor you, it must be awful and even worse when you are aware of the problem and cannot fix it.

I am sorry to say that I don't think there are any easy answers. When I first started with anxiety in November I had so many symptoms, because they were physical I tried to rationalise them, still do. I was constantly saying if I only I didn't feel this I would be fine. This was then replaced the next day by another symptom and I can see my life is closing in, constantly aware of the ever increasing things I feel I can't do.

That is the ever present danger.

I live alone and still don't do too much in case I collapse, who would find me? How long would it take. There are no certainties in life but the certainty is with these and other similar thoughts you are feeding the beast and anxiety is a hungry beast.

Mobile phones do help as people are just a push of the button away. I know how hard it is to distract yourself, but could you divide the day say into thirty minute intervals and reward, not beat yourself up as these pass and you have achieved something, however small.

Good luck. I shall be thinking of you 🍀

[Anonymous1234567 in reply to Forestina]

First, let me say how sorry I am that you have to deal with this. Also, although you feel ashamed of your actions just know these are real illnesses. Not sure where you are but in Canada there is a real have push on educating and creating a more accepting and understanding culture. The feelings of shame are understandable, and at the same time reaching out in this way is something to commend yourself on.

I agree with the previous poster on breaking the day down into smaller segments and rewards. I went through a 2 year period after losing my job and my mother where I was terrified to go out and also be alone. It is a catch 22. I would sit on the couch for hours pretending to stare at the tv, or computer screen but not really seeing anything. My home was a disaster, although I do have family they didn't understand.

Finally, I was able to get up in small increments. Clean and dish, make a bed, get dressed, read for a couple of minutes just basically do whatever I could. Then I would sit again for a while. Over time, I was able to reorganize myself. Get out for a bit each day, keep the place clean, make decent meals etc.

In the end, there is no easy answer. But, I found accepting this as a real medical condition is a big step toward living with it.

You have the added challenge of a child with autism. I think this place and making friends with others who are coping with mental illness is a great start!

Here if you want to talk and sending positive energy your way.

[Aspergirl47 in reply to Anonymous1234567]

Thank u I appreciate your kind words and encouragement... I struggle a lot asking for help due to myself having Autism too...makes everything so much harder..Sorry to hear u have had a lot to deal with too..but u done so well..I also have had problems keeping the house tidy its a lot messier than it used to be..but I'm so exhausted just now..I relate a lot to the terrified to go out/scared to stay home, that's exactly how I feel ...I like the idea of doing small things...I think this is the part I need to look at...because I'm so panicky all the time...I do everything in a frenzy...I will rush out if my son has gone out because I'm so scared and then end up trying to go out for as long as possible, hoping he will be back when I get home but I go to far and end up panicky and exhausted...then I cant do anything at home I'm to tired...I think having Autism, if I were to right down small tasks it will work better as Autistics work better with a regular routine...You are all such lovely people on here...Sending Hugs from Scotland xx

[Anonymous1234567 in reply to Aspergirl47]

I've only been here a day and am finding the amount of support amazing. I hope the suggestion helps and sending positive energy your way! hugs

[Aspergirl47 in reply to Forestina]

Thank u Forestina... I think when u say about living alone and thinking u might collapse etc..its probably the same sort of thoughts I'm having when my son leaves the house..maybe I'm scared incase something happens when hes gone out...Anxiety is awful...I'm sorry u are going through this too...if only there was a quick fix for us all I try to stay in and distract myself with our cat..play etc ..but I get to panicky just knowing I'm alone and I end up going out in a panic ( I also have Agoraphobia/Social phobia) so going out is also stressful...but I do it...but try to stay out until I think my son will be home...I will definitely try to divide the day up..that is a good idea..instead of exhausting myself trying to go out for a long time....Appreciate your help...means a lot I'm here if u need to talk anytime..Sending Hugs xx

[Forestina in reply to Aspergirl47]

Hello there. Just sending my good wishes and strength to you. Always here if I can help in any way. You should really be proud of yourself for being able to get out with your agoraphobia. That makes you so much stronger than you think. Small steps all the time x

[Forestina]

Lovely post but you replied to me insert of Aspergergirl147. No worries I am sure she will read it as part of the thread

[rigbear]

hi aspergirl47, the more i read your posts, i can quite believe that the things your feeling and dealing with are exactly how i am atm, our lives are different of course but it seems that the effect life has had and is having on us is so similar its ironic. i feel so lonely atm and just dont know where to turn as i feel nobody truly understands me so i have given up talking about my feelings but i know this only makes things worse, its that on going cycle, i know things will change and im working on that the best i can but all things considered just delay the process and thats the most frustrating thing, not having people to offload things to puts me in this place where everything goes around in my head that much that i become exhausted and just want to sleep and hide from thr world. i hope your having a good day today

[Aspergirl47]

Hey..rigbear...Thanks for your reply Loneliness can be the most difficult part to deal with..like u...I feel no one is really there for me...and anytime I have tried to speak to anyone..i can see theres no interest in listening to what I'm saying..but its the very same people that ive helped myself when they've needed it...but they ignore that...youre right though...its also not good to shutdown ...Do u see a therapist at all? I was seeing one for a while but tbh it didn't help much ...but it might for u...I really feel for u...I'm also in that cycle...overthinking and then exhausted...I'm also having panic attacks...Anytime u need to talk rigbear...I'm here ok? Hope u are having a good day too...try to do something u enjoy any small thing...it sometimes helps the overthinking... x