Alone?

Almost 60. Divorced for 5 years now. Parents died before my age of two. Never imagined or wanted to be alone.

Maternal side of family never interacted, have tried, but they are uninterested. Paternal had no family. I have an older daughter, but she became extremely abusive and dangerous to me. And to other people actually. A diagnosed sociopath. No joke.

😞 She has a couple of children, my grandchildren, who are adults, and seem to be pretty much like her.

Fortunately I do have another adult daughter who lives with me. Who's great. Happy healthy well adjusted. She is protective of me and insists that we are way better off for not having contact with grandchildren.

The bottom line is I am alone and almost 60. I just want somebody to snuggle up with at night. Someone to talk to me that I can listen to. Go for walks with. Make plans with.

I have work friends. Neighborhood friends. But really when it comes to making decisions, building a life or changing my life, or just having somebody that I can actually talk to, because you do not tell work and neighbor friends personal business, I'm just really alone.

Is anyone else having this difficulty? It seems the world is full of really unhealthy people. Or really wrapped up in their own families and lives and don't have time for anybody new. Is the world also made up of a bunch of us that are all alone? Are we hidden? I think this is the cause for anxiety and depression.

[linuxusr]

Hello Hidden, thankfully you are not alone, alone. You have a wonderful daughter who lives with you and supports you. But that is not enough because you lack a partner who will love you, take care of you, "watch your back," be there for you, and you the same for your partner. Everyone on this earth capable of a relationship (some are not capable) experiences loss after a breakup and your breakup, from what you say, triggered painful memories of the loss of your parents, so the situation was compounded further. When your mood is sufficient, time to get up out of the house and do some work, join some clubs, do volunteer activties, find ways to meet people and find that special someone. I don't have to tell you that that is a challenge and takes a long time. You must have the strength to reject those who are not a match along the way. But the time to start is now! It's painful but, realistically, there's no other option! Come back here anytime and I'll be happy to chat with you.

[hypercat54 in reply to linuxusr]

In case you aren't aware Hidden means someone has left the site.

[linuxusr in reply to hypercat54]

Oh, thank you hypercat54, I didn't know! You mean I wrote this response for nothing?? How is one supposed to know that that's what it means and is not a handle? Website glitch!

[hypercat54 in reply to linuxusr]

Whenever you see the poster is shown as Hidden it means they have unfollowed the site.

They might still have an HU account or might not.

[Good_for_us in reply to linuxusr]

Hi! It turns out that did not write your response for nothing, as I could relate to some of what she wrote on her post. I’m in my 60’s, divorced for 20 years, no kids, but still have my wonderful mom who is in her 90’s. Have sisters but they are into their own families. I do work, but everyone there is much younger. Most of my good friends have left CA because it’s so insanely expensive here. So I’m feeling pretty lonely. Very grateful to still have mom for now. So thank you for the advice you gave to Hidden, as I’m looking to open up my life. And maybe she will be popping back in and will see it too. She mentions in her post wondering if she is ‘hidden’ so her user name made sense to me., and it was only made 13 hours ago.

[linuxusr in reply to Good_for_us]

Hey, well that's good to hear, or maybe "Good_for_us" to hear, that I didn't post for nothing! It seems that you have a lot going for you and are not suffering too badly--just need to find friends whom you can trust or maybe that special someone. It's a long process but now is the time to start!

[Good_for_us in reply to linuxusr]

Yes, thanks. It feels like it might be little challenging to make friends at this stage- so many have their group of friends, but it’s true I can look into joining clubs etc. The finding of that ‘special someone’ sounds like an especially daunting process, with having to do that online stuff- ugh, doesn’t sound fun! I always just thought I would meet someone while I was dating after I got divorced but it didn’t happen. But I don’t want to be alone, so I have to stop procrastinating and somehow get out there.

[linuxusr in reply to Good_for_us]

I agree that the process of finding a significant other is daunting. But in another way it is not daunting at all. Think about this: Think back on all the significant relationships you have had. How did they begin? They began very casually, not daunting at all. Then, if there was a connection between the both of you, a spark, something started. You began a new relationship. They always begin on a trial basis. Is this the right person for me? Am I really in love? Etc. It is THIS that is the daunting process, not the initial meeting which is casual and, more or less, non-threatening. SO many people we meet, we are just not interested. It's playing the odds. Guessing here, maybe it's 1 out of 25 for whom we are interested. And then there's the question: I'm interested but is the feeling mutual? How many times has it happened where you have feelings for someone but they don't have equal feelings for you? In short, I think of my wife of 12 years. We have a very solid relationship which, as time passes, grows increasingly strong, particulary as we are both aging and depend on each other for support. BUT THE RELATIONSHIP BEGAN CASUALLY. And that casualness included a time when I left all my belongings at her apartment (living then and now in a "foreign" country) and leaving for ONE YEAR to be in China, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand. It would be unthinkable to do that now. Again, all "daunting" relationships begin casually (by definition) and this, by comparison, is NOT daunting.

[Good_for_us in reply to linuxusr]

Okay, thank you for that perspective. Makes sense when you put it logically like that.

[linuxusr in reply to Good_for_us]

Thanks. But I was thinking . . . logic is one thing but there's other stuff going on. Suppose something appears logical, like something that should be acted upon. OK, fine. But what if it doesn't feel right? Then it's off the table, no? So: "logical solutions"? Maybe yes, maybe no.