Alone again, unnaturally, the hurt of just being.

[secrets22]

Feeling really down today, for no apparent reason, although that's not strictly true, I just feel totally overwhelmed with the amount of things i need to do, some things are manual and to many things are clerical, and i can't get my head around any of it in this instance.

Usually i can snap out of it, but today i cant, i feel enveloped in a quicksand that is pulling me down and i dont have the wherewithal to clamber out of the mire.

I desperately miss my David who was my right-hand man, who wouldn't let things wear me down, he rescued me from all life's pitfalls, and since being alone i miss those days much more than i could say. Yes i have many friends, but its not the same, and really, to be honest, many are just acquaintances, and we become very good actors, purporting that all is fine in our problematic world.

I go out socially very often, but its an effort to stay upbeat and entertaining , something that's kind of expected of me, because i was always known as a party animal, but today i would much rather stay at home with my pupsters where i feel safe.

Coming home from an evening out is bittersweet, for once i open my door ,its then i realise i am totally on my own.

My biggest failing is that i am far to sensitive, I hurt easily, and a misspent word can hurt me to the quick , and i retreat like a wounded animal.

The human condition is one of many parts and we struggle to fit those conditions in, human frailties are not a weakness, its because we are all totally different.

People might say, find your niche, but if that niche is no more, where do we go.?

[Turnipgirl]

There's no shame in staying in with the dogs!

I got extremely frustrated and fed up yesterday over a booked appointment in Newport that went wrong and ended up coming home early to calm down and cancelled the booked swimming session as well!

After the booked interview didn't happen I went across the road to Tredegar House and had a nice tranquil walk round the parklands there which I found helpful!

Today I am fine and feeling a lot better and I will see them at swimming at 3pm as booked!

Swimming were nice when I rang to cancel and apologise and said how we all get times when we feel angry and frustrated over things and hope to see me this afternoon at 3pm!

[Hidden]

I hope you can find something to lift you up today. Maybe a favorite song. This group is a good place to read what others are dealing with to know that you are not the only one. I also don't know my purpose for this life. Why am I here? What for? Someone please tell me. Maybe it's so we can support each other in our mental illnesses through this online group. I hope you can find peace today.

[secrets22]

have to say Mandy, you are very productive and always on the go with one project or another, and i know you enjoy a challenge and you get on with it.xx

[Tralala1234]

I don’t have much to offer except that I can relate. Remember that you are not truly alone.

[mcarrut1]

losing someone like that (a best friend) is a devastating thing. I know that he will always be on your mind and close to you. I believe he is now your guardian angel and will keep you safe. Sometimes when suffering from depression and anxiety we can't (literally can't move or get out of bed some days) even function some days. It's not easy losing somebody your close to but over time you will feel that he is watching over you and will come to some peace with it.