Feeling really down today, for no apparent reason, although that's not strictly true, I just feel totally overwhelmed with the amount of things i need to do, some things are manual and to many things are clerical, and i can't get my head around any of it in this instance.
Usually i can snap out of it, but today i cant, i feel enveloped in a quicksand that is pulling me down and i dont have the wherewithal to clamber out of the mire.
I desperately miss my David who was my right-hand man, who wouldn't let things wear me down, he rescued me from all life's pitfalls, and since being alone i miss those days much more than i could say. Yes i have many friends, but its not the same, and really, to be honest, many are just acquaintances, and we become very good actors, purporting that all is fine in our problematic world.
I go out socially very often, but its an effort to stay upbeat and entertaining , something that's kind of expected of me, because i was always known as a party animal, but today i would much rather stay at home with my pupsters where i feel safe.
Coming home from an evening out is bittersweet, for once i open my door ,its then i realise i am totally on my own.
My biggest failing is that i am far to sensitive, I hurt easily, and a misspent word can hurt me to the quick , and i retreat like a wounded animal.
The human condition is one of many parts and we struggle to fit those conditions in, human frailties are not a weakness, its because we are all totally different.
People might say, find your niche, but if that niche is no more, where do we go.?
Mixed Feelings
