Update

[shyynoir]

Hi if I’m sure that you don’t remember me, since it’s been a long time since the last post I’ve made. Thank you for the people who comforted me in the comments, I really appreciate.

Currently, everything is still hasn’t changed nor improved. I still feel the same but probably more worse than before. I dropped out of the community college for second time. I also have a therapist currently, but my therapist is not really helpful, I’m planning to discontinue the sessions. I still have no friends as usual.

I already know that my 20s are going to be worse than my teenage years. I really can’t take these things anymore and I hate be forced to keep living because people keep telling me that “things are going to get better.”

[LadyZen]

There's different type of therapists. You may need to try a few different types. Some don't work for me. I walked into one that practiced meditation and chakra, and I had to leave. It wasn't going to work.

[shyynoir in reply to LadyZen]

Hello. Sorry for the late response, I have already tried to look into every different types. None of them works out for me, I’ve been trying to find one for two years and still nothing. I’m sorry that I sound rude or irritated, I just feel so tired.

[LadyZen in reply to shyynoir]

Have they recommended any medication?

[LoveforAll41]

Hi shyynoir. I am so sorry that you are in a bad place right now. I am sorry that things have not worked out with your therapist. As LadyZen said, we may have to try many before we land with one that sticks. I dropped out of college a few times in my 20's and only now in my 30's am working on it again online. I went to a tech school and took 5 years to complete a 1.5 year certification. I learned that school was disproportianately hard for me because I was judging my worth from success there. I have a lot of anxiety around money and I would go to school to get a job so there was more pressure there. I still have a lot of anxiety around school and work but I am a little more accepting of it. Anyway, I don't know if that is your issue but we have our whole lives to learn and if you want it you can go get a degree when you are fifty. I have thought about doing a job where I could be an apprentice like plumbing.

Having no friends is rough too, do you have supportive family? I think it is true that we can be our own best friend. Barring that we can at least show compassion to ourselves. Never give up, when I am down in a rut and depressed I take it as a sign that I am doing something wrong. Something needs to change.

I had a bad episode last year and quit my job and went to an inpatient center for a few weeks. I have been doing better since. I do ketamine assisted therapy now and am still up and down. I go to work and that is a victory.

I just want to illustrate that you have options. It doesn't matter if you drop out or work as a checkout person at a fast food restaurant. Hell, you can be a bum on the street. It does not lower your worth as a person. Being a billionaire entrepreneur does not raise your worth as a human. Try everything now while you are young and get solid foundation. Work a low stress job and you can work your way up somewhere if you want. I am rambling but you are having a victory every day just by continuing to live. We don't have to wait to not feel the way we are. As Dr David Burns says (in his book "Feeling Great") if we can change the way we think we can change the way we feel. You can find happiness, or at least peace shyynoir. Don't give up. Call the suicide hotline if you need to. There is no shame in feeling suicidal, dropping out of school, having no friends, or pooping our pants in public. We are all human. Have compassion for yourself. I wish you peace, hope, and strength. ☮️

[Agora1 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Right On, LoveforAll41 xx

[shyynoir in reply to LoveforAll41]

Hello, I’m sorry for the late reply.

For me, I want to complete college before and achieve my childhood dream job before or at 25. I tried my best to work harder, keeping up, and not letting my mental health getting in my way but as you can see, I dropped out of college for the second time and reapplied for the spring semester. So, as you can see how much of a mess for me and my situation.

I think I have what is considered a “supportive family” but they usually down play my concerns, my problems and my mental health. They make me drop out of community college back a year ago for their three or four weeks of visiting their family. Even I told them that I can’t drop out of college because it’s very important to me. They’ll have a mental breakdown if I can’t go with them. But, at the same time they’re all I got and when thinking about losing them in the future gives me a massive panic attacks. Because I know that I won’t have any family nor friends in the future after their passing. I always have terrible social skills and terrible at making any sort of connections with people. Even with people who are “my people” or who are similar to me in every way, I’m still terrible at talking to them or getting them to be friends with me.

I know that there is options but my main options is that I want to achieve my childhood dream job but it seems like my dream job requires for me to socialize and I have lack of social skills and extremely awkward at socializing. I hate that I severe anxiety of interacting with people. I don’t want to sound offensive but just thinking about getting a different job or living in the streets scares me the most. Just thinking about living in the streets makes me have a panic attack.

The suicide hotline doesn’t help me much, I’ve been using it for two years and it feels like I’m in circles. And it never goes anywhere.

Right now, I feel like death is the only solution for me now.

[gajh in reply to shyynoir]

Death is not the only solution. Keep trying with the suicide hotline. You might get the right person who says the right thing one of these times. Are you in therapy at all? Keep reaching out here.

[Agora1 in reply to shyynoir]

shyynoir, I read your post as well as your responses. How sad at age 21, you feel

you're life is over. You haven't even gotten started yet. I didn't know what I wanted

to do at 21. It wasn't until I entered my 30's did I find myself. I had matured and grown

up a lot during those years. I knew what I wanted then and went after it and more than

succeeded at my goal.

You see dear, if we give up too soon, we miss out on all life has to offer. The experiences

in meeting people and learning through others. Oh I was very shy, very introverted

throughout high school and my 20's. My parents directed my thoughts. You can't

become self assured if someone else is guiding you through your life decisions.

We need to step outside that circle of fear. Fear of the future should not stop us

from living in the present moment. This is how the cycle of life continues. If we

stay put in one place, we stagnate. We can't grown emotionally and mentally.

We feel stuck, hopeless, displaced with no self esteem or confidence.

Go after what you want. Life is about learning and experiencing all we can while

we are here. You've only just begun shyynoir. Let us help you take those first few

steps forward. I promise you will not regret it. xx

[shyynoir in reply to Agora1]

Hi, Agora1.

I wanted to say thank you and I apologize for the late reply. A lot of things going on.

I’m turning 22 in about two months.

I’m still not sure what I want, other than chasing my dream career.

I’ll try to step out of my comfort zone and not let my fears take over me more.

I hope that’s true and thank you for offering me help to take those first few. Ok, I’ll try

Thank you so much for your kindness and help.

[Agora1 in reply to shyynoir]

xx