I would have preferred to find the time and motivation to write something inspirational to accompany the picture but I’ve been struggling to find the words to hold even basic conversations lately. The holidays can be hard for people so I wanted to share the picture to hopefully brighten someone’s day.
I also wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who has checked in on me this month. I sincerely appreciate it. For anyone who hasn’t had the time to keep in constant contact I wanted to just share how I’m doing.
Overall I’m okay, or at the very least as okay as I can be while being out of work. Even if I haven’t liked most of the jobs I’ve had as an adult I feel like they give my life purpose so I’m feeling a bit worthless in some respects and it’s brings me down on occasion. I’m mostly just trying to stay busy.
Life feels even more messed up right now. The rift between my ex and her mother keeps growing and it’s led to a lot of questions about the future in regards to childcare and life over the next few months. I will likely end up moving out of the house with my ex into an apartment in her name until I feel secure enough in a new job to get my own place and move out.
I’m still doing okay financially. Unemployment has been a chore at best to keep up with due to having changed states where I worked in the last year and not knowing it mattered but I still have a surprising amount of the money I saved up to try and move out originally. I start a new job on the 7th. I’ll make what I did at GM per hour but will have less overtime but I can make that work well enough. I’m admittedly anxious about the job because there are things I have never done before that I will be expected to create processes for but I’m trying to remain confident.
My anxiety has been a bit worse this month. I keep getting things stuck in my mind that wouldn’t have bothered me for very long a month ago when I was working and they won’t go away. As I type this I’m trying to get one such thought out of my head but as with a lot of my anxiety problems it doesn’t feel worth discussing specifically. It’s less about the specifics than the fact my mind is fixating on an idea that could theoretically lead to someone getting hurt no matter how much of a stretch it is.
I guess that’s it really. I haven’t had a lot to say lately. I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season and if I don’t post again before then I hope you all have a better 2019 than anything you might have experienced this year!
I feel like my life is going nowhere.
Who or what keeps you going or inspires you
So tired of fighting life
Life is becoming hopeless 
