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Living alone and feeling more lonely than ever right now

Indiegal profile image

I live alone and have really realized how lonely and friendless I am right now more than ever. I didn't have much going on with other people on the weekends before the pandemic but at least the busyness of going to an office and going to happy hours with work people made it more bearable. But now since I've been working at home since March and will probably till the end of the year (at a job I have been wanting to leave for some time I should add) I have nothing to get up for in the morning. The fact that I really don't have good friends has been even more apparent now. I've reached out to a few of them and they respond initially but keep blowing me off when I suggest getting together (and not even for COVID related reasons). One I even told that I was struggling cause my niece, who was the same age as me and we used to be close, died and she blew me off the next week to hang out with her boyfriend, which made me want to be done with our friendship. Now it's her birthday and her boyfriend just invited me out to dinner with them (as the third wheel) and I don't even want to go. In the past I would go out by myself, which can still be sad and lonely, but I usually end up getting into a conversation with someone that makes it worth it. But with how everything is now there's not much opportunity to even interact with people so it just feels lonely. With the way things are going it will likely be like this for a year or two so I feel like I need to figure some way to deal with this or I'm gonna get worse. I need to find something to live for, a way to make better friends or figure out how to improve my failing friendships. I've been seeing a therapist but she really isn't very helpful and doesn't understand or give me any real advice. Anyone else going through something similar? Any advice on how to get through this with everything that's going on?

48 Replies

I can truly understand. I feel more alone than ever now. I was watching a show tonight on tv and this commercial is about "alone together ". I'm sorry but that is udder crap. I'm crying as I write this because I haven't talked to anyone in 1.5 days. I'm sorry I am no help to you but your not the only one who feels this way.

in reply to All_alone

It’s okay to cry sometimes but don’t stay down for too long, you deserve happiness ❤️

All_alone profile image
All_alone in reply to

We all deserve to be happy! ❤

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to All_alone

I have seen those commercials and think the same thing. It makes me angry cause sure there are some people who have others but some of us are alone completely apart. I guess it's helpful to have people here going through the same things.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to All_alone

I'm also sorry for what you're going through. I have had plenty of weeks where I don't talk to anyone for days. If it wasn't for work and my constant zoom meetings I would likely go full weeks without talking to anyone. I tried thinking of others to get out of my own selfish thoughts and checked in on them but it wasn't really reciprocated so I don't know what else to do. It might be worth a try to check in on others to try to get conversations started. Maybe we could do that for each other on here?

All_alone profile image
All_alone in reply to Indiegal

Hi. I have also tried to check in with others and it is also not reciprocated. To me that feels like they are part time friends when it is convenient for them. Sometimes one will txt me, how ya doin? I respond and end with an opening for them to respond and absolutely nothing. Sometimes I think if I was to die no one would know for days. We can check in on each other, that would help me.

I feel lonely too. Do you think you could attend a church group (if you’re into that?) I like spending time on here chatting with people who can relate to me, makes me feel less alone sometimes. Sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.

All_alone profile image
All_alone in reply to

I'm not really into church and half here are closed anyway. That's why I dropped in here tonight to chat so I didn't feel so isolated. Thank you.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to

I grew up attending church but don't go any longer and don't feel like it's the place for me. Besides all the churches around me are still closed so I wouldn't have that sense of community anyway.

in reply to Indiegal

I’m sorry. I wish I knew how to help but I’m sure you can reach out to everyone on here, I find that helps.

Maybe try group therapy if you haven’t already?

All_alone profile image
All_alone in reply to

I live in a rural area where there are no support groups. I wish there was.

I feel your pain and I am sorry you are alone.

I live alone too and I am very lonely, unmotivated and frustrated with this pandemic.

A lot of people take for granted that they have someone to interact with.

I think I would be a lot happier playing cards or cuddling or just watching TV together.

Most days I might talk to 1 person On the phone and that’s it.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to SongAndSoul

I agree about people taking it for granted to at least have someone else around to talk to. It's amazing how much any human interaction means to us when you barely see or talk to anyone anymore. I'm glad you have people to talk to on the phone. I'm not much of a phone talker and don't really have many people in my life that would want to talk unfortunately. I'm very happy I do meet with my monthly book club next week, which has been the only real thing I've had to look forward to lately. We finally got to meet in person last month so I'm hoping things don't close down again.

It's kind of weird how when people have boyfriend's or get married that they tend to shun the friends they have and their mate has the monopoly on their time. Or at least it really seems that way at times. Maybe try to find some other friends that are relatively single. Where??? Right now people can't get together anywhere. I think for me, at least these days, I'm connecting more with people in online forums than anyone I see in person, it's rather strange I know. These megachurches have sprung up now that seem to be taking over smaller churches, and I don't believe a lot of people devoutly go to church on Sunday like they used to. I have to live with family right now and there's times I wish I had my own apartment like I used to. There's a difference between loneliness and solitude. Maybe you don't really like to read, but lately I ordered a few books off of Amazon that I had really been wanting to read and that helps me. Or you could try an Audible book. There's no easy answers right now, I wish I had more friends too!!!!

I actually do like to read and have read more book since March than ever. I'm actually in a book club that meets once a month and it has been my one outlet. We finally got to meet in person again last time and I'm hoping things don't close again cause it's been great that I've at least gotten to hang out with them. Would love any book suggestions if you have any.

You could have literally just copy and pasted my exact life story right now. I feel so extremely lonely and was actually just broken up with during COVID as well. Feel like I have no real friends. Life seems incredibly lonely and hopeless right now. Can we be friends? :)

Marielle1 profile image
Marielle1 in reply to BookwormB

What about your family?

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to BookwormB

Yes! Let's connect.

I can relate. As an only child with both parents deceased. I do have a daughter and three grandchildren but since I have no siblings my daughter and family go to her husbands relatives as he has siblings so my grandkids have cousins to play with. So I don't blame them for not coming to see me much and then just for a few minutes. My ex is an administrator at a nursing home. While we were together I went and helped when they would put on events or holidays for the residents. A lot of those people don't have anyone that come to see them. At Christmas my ex made sure all patients had gifts to open and I would go around and visit with the ones that were still able. You might contact a nursing home in your area and ask for residents that are in the situation I've described and become pen pals. I feel lonely most of the time but I have seen lonely and abandonment. My ex is an excellent Administrator and makes sure the residents are cared for properly but that is one area they can't provide is outside friends for them. A resident would love to just get a letter to open and read. With COPD eventually I may end up at a home and I hope it is one like my ex runs. We understand lonely when it's chiseled in stone.

GodKid profile image
GodKid in reply to 67anxiousgoat

That's an excellent idea.

Hi sorry to hear you feel like this, i am currently still waiting to be able to return to my job(which i love) and i am finding it difficult, myself i find everything i can to keep myself busy i love my home and have done so much there whilst off, iv also worked on garden and online work for my job, but when all is done it is hard, please try and stay positive this wont last forever, maybe look for some online courses some of which are free, maybe look look online for virtual meet ups where you can chat and have a coffee over zoom etc... just make sure you keep moving make yourself get up every morning and do things this is essential, and consider yourself to have made a friend🙂 you can message me on here anytime🙂👍

Have you thought about trying to volunteer someplace? I’ve been in your shoes, and found that volunteering at a pet shelter gave me a healthy outlet for those times I was feeling lonely. Volunteer opportunities could be somewhat limited now given the COVID situation, but there could be some options out there! Or meetups group? Again, limited options, but there are outdoor groups in my area where people can get together but still socially distance. This is a hard time, and you are definitely not alone in your feelings of loneliness.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to sallyw_12

I actually looked to do some volunteering early on in the pandemic and everything that involved interacting with other people was suspended and looks like it still is. I'll have to look for online meetup groups. If you have anywhere you recommend looking please let me know.

Yes.. My 2 closest friends ghosted me last year. I needed new friends and then with Covid can't go out. It's very tough. I was so depressed in Feb I promised myself I would give myself til Mar 1 of next year to turn it around then this hit 2 wks later. Now after a new med i am having headaches and still depressed.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to Marysblue

Yeah i was in a similar situation where I had a new sense of energy right before all this to take action on improving my life and then all this happened. I went off meds at the beginning of January and had horrible withdrawal that lasted for months so the timing was pretty terrible for that too. Oddly things improved with a lot of my depression symptoms during lockdown but I'm still not feeling great without the social interaction.

I am married with two grown children. Even though I don't live alone I have some of the same feelings you do. My husband works nights so even when he's here he is sleeping. My best friend has been very ill for over a year so I hesitate to call her. When she got sick I did my best to keep people updated on fb or by messages but that blew up in my face causing me to lose another close friend. Sometimes I am very lonely but once I really thought about it I realized I do many things on my own. I actually like it that way. Try to spend part of your day doing something you enjoy. Read a book, take up a hobby or just spoil yourself with a nice face mask, deep conditioning your hair or taking a long bath. When you do go out even to the grocery store be pleasant to everyone you come in contact with. Most people will respond positively. If you want to go to dinner go with a positive attitude. I know that's difficult but others feed off negativity. There is always someone on this forum to talk to. Good luck.

Im right there with you

I'm sorry you're having a rough time Indie. Not that it's any consolation but quite a few people are struggling right now. It's extra hard for those of us who were struggling prior to the pandemic. Nearly everything you mentioned I either have or still can relate to. Outside of work and my two little girls I literally don't talk to anyone. I have, however, found a very interesting book that's been quite helpful. The book is called "Unf*ck yourself" and did a great job of putting the obvious into structure format which makes it easier to practice. Reading it for a second time now.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to CeruleanVT

I've seen that book and have considered reading it. I'll check it out. Thanks!

Hi Indiegal....Yes, I can relate to what you are going through. It is no comfort to you to know that many others are feeling the same way. I think the covid is hardest on single people. Folks in good relationships cannot relate to what we go through. I feel the pain that you too are experiencing. You are doing the right thing to reach out to others. Continue to do that. Even if churches are closed perhaps you could call a church of your faith and speak to a pastor about your situation and ideally someone will befriend you.

propjock profile image
propjock in reply to Bettikins

Our “closed” church is still open, keeping its small groups of 6-12 people, and various support groups, running online with Zoom. I’m sure we’re not the only church doing that. This whole thread has me wondering...people out there are meeting this need, in some novel way, but how? And what’s in the way of finding a friend, or becoming one?

I have always lived alone and have struggled with the skills to make friends. I was in a car accident on March 31, so I had no choice but to isolate in the hospital and nursing center for a month. (Zoom meeting for Easter) I had lost my job last year and my summer job has not reopened, yet. While I am used to being alone, it does not mean I prefer lonliness.

Are you job searching while you wait? You might be able to take some online classes to get you new skills to market.

Social media has kept me communicating with my friends from my summer job and my friends and family who live far away. I am also a letter writer, by nature. I write long letters, taking several days.

I am not sure where you live, but there is a website called meetup.com. You can find people with common interests.

Don't worry about being the third wheel. If you want to go and be with your friend, go. Ask if you can ask another person, make a fourth. Best of luck.

I also live alone. It’s very different and very hard now. I’m out of work for a while so I don’t have a schedule. The best thing for me is getting out. Even for a walk. I keep in touch with friends but they are not in the city now. It’s a very difficult time. I would advise just keeping in touch with people and trying to expand relationships.

I'm also feeling lonely and honestly, I'm longing for any contact with people. I'm married with 1 child still at home. My husband is very involved with his laptop so evenings feel lonely. I'm not working right now & spend my days alone. I never thought of myself as extrovert but I'm having a hard time not being around other people. I miss having friends to talk with. My friend died a few years ago. Some days I'm trying to hold myself together, I'm just so lonely.

I could be you.

Have you thought about getting a pet? A furry friend goes a long way. For myself, it's too expensive where I live so I just "borrowed" my mom's cat as my emotional support animal during quarantine haha and she's been living with me for the last 3 months. I also am on the apps Rover and Wag and do dog walking as a side hustle and hobby. Helps me get out of the house, get my steps in and get to meet cute pups all over the city. It's as much or as little as you want to do it and so easy. Even with Covid, there's not as many walks available but they're starting to pop up more and all depends on the city you live in. It's worth mentioning it's not available in smaller towns. Let me know if either of these suggestions help! I have more too if you need lol have had a lot of time to think with this pandemic

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to narahman2

People always recommend this for me but I'm actually not an animal person. I thought about fostering a cat at the beginning of quarantine for the reasons you mentioned and even reached out to a place but they didn't respond and took down that part of their website afterwards. By the next week my desire to actually take care of a cat faded and I wasn't sure I wanted one after all. I feel like you need to be sure about those things or it's not fair to the animal.

That is true. That's why Wag or Rover is fun because you do it on your own schedule, no minimum required and it's only for like 30 min so you can get outside the house but have no long term commitments! But it's def not for everyone. Aside from the animals, I would agree with other responses on volunteering, joining meetup groups, etc. understanding that not all of those are realistic or being offered right now but don't give up!

I can completely relate to what your going through, as I also live alone and it seems this pandemic has made everything worse for me. I retired from my job over a year now, and I’m thinking that was the biggest mistake I have ever made. When I was working, at least I had somewhere to go and interact with people, but now, it’s like why bother to even get out of bed. I was never good at making friends, and the few that I do have are all married and never have time to anything with me, unless of course the wife is away for the weekend, then I’m good enough. I can do things myself which is sometimes uplifting, but it would be nice to have someone to else to talk to. I think about volunteering for something, but it seems like I always procrastinate and never do it. Well, good luck to you and I hope things get better for you.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to Flyboy76

I agree about doing things yourself helping but it only goes so far. I'm a very independent person and even went to my favorite wine bar last week and sat outside by myself just to get out of the house. In one way it was nice but in another it was even more lonely watching other groups at distant tables have fun and not be able to interact with anyone.

Flyboy76 profile image
Flyboy76 in reply to Indiegal

I have done that too on occasion and sometimes it makes it worse like you said. I start to feel very self conscious and then pity myself and soon I’m out of there. Did you ever go up and try to start a conversation with anyone? I know myself, being shy, it would be very difficult for me to do. By the way, what type of wine do you prefer? Red, white, sweet, dry, semi-dry.

Have you ever tried Painting as a Past Time (Read Winston Churchill’s book by that title). I have a relative who has taken up painting watching online U-Tube videos, finding styles she likes. It is one activity where groups could easily set up easels outside, socially distanced apart.

I think so many people are keen on avoiding others now, so activities that already lend themselves to social distancing may avoid these barriers. Anyway I recommend this book of his even if painting doesn’t suit you.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to Clarrisa

I keep saying I'm going to paint but haven't lately. I have plenty of activities I can do by myself and have done a lot of them but it just doesn't replace social interaction. I'll have to see if there are any outside group painting activities around though.

Good_for_us profile image
Good_for_us in reply to Indiegal

Hi Indiegirl, I just came came across your post and am going thru so much of what you were sharing here a year ago. I was wondering if things improved for you? I hope so!

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to Good_for_us

Yes and no. Thanks for reaching out btw! My situation has changed some though. I'm still working at home but I started my own business so I actually talk to less people daily than before. But I think it's helped a bit with the FOMO I had hearing about all the people my coworkers talked about hanging out with. I'm still lonely at times, but I've been hanging out more with a girl in my book club so that's been nice to have someone to talk to. After the holidays I plan to join some groups on Meetup or Facebook to meet some new people or even find a place to volunteer. I might even join a gym or go to an exercise class.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way too. I suggest searching wherever you can for groups of people that are interested in the same things as you or maybe take a class of some kind. Feel free to message me if you want to share tips and progress. Hope things get better for you too!

🙂

Thanks, Indie and it sounds like you have a lot of progress! That’s really great that you started your own business! 😊 As a company, we have our back to work date in mid-January….almost 2 years later- who would have thought! So I will get a little more socialization, but I have realized how limited my life has become especially over the last 10 years- not just from Covid. I’m a very extroverted person but somehow my life has become so small- I am close with my parents and a few friends, but both of my friends that live nearby have boyfriends, so they aren’t that available to go hang out and have fun. They are both good friends in their own way, especially one of them, but both are the type that drop everything to be with their boyfriends and so they don’t want to plan ahead. I spend a lot of my free time on weekends with my parents as I want to be with them as much as possible while they are still here, and also help out where I can. And then my job is so busy (but not really fulfilling) so I feel lonely a lot for friend time. I also really miss dating- I have to summon the courage to get back out there, lol. Not super easy at my age (62)! I love your meet up and fb ideas. I never thought to use fb for local activities? I like the classes ideas too, and the gym. I just have to be careful of indoor activities (because of Covid). Thanks for the ideas and I will let you know if I come up with any other strategies.

Indiegal profile image
Indiegal in reply to Good_for_us

I've had a lot of friends like that who once they get boyfriends they have no time for friends. It's a shame. Most of the people I used to hang out with are like that or have kids so they never have time or want to go out. I think being middle-aged (I hate to use that word lol but I'm 42) and single is really tough right now. I haven’t been on a date in over 2 years so I miss it as well. Hopefully next year will pick up again 🤞. I'm sure being back in the office next month will help. Hopefully you'll find some safe things to do to get you back out there.

Thanks Indie 💗 I look forward to some positive changes. And I guess you might be technically ‘middle-aged’, but you are at the very youngest end of the definition!

Wishing you a lovely Christmas and all good things in ‘22 😊

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