Things I can’t speak of and may never... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Things I can’t speak of and may never be told, paranoia and Merry Christmas 😉

Starrlight profile image

There are just some things I cannot speak of. Not even here. Not even with a therapist. Do you guys have one of those, anyone?

And I don’t know what comes next to do with that but I am going to trust it will be worked out. I just know it’s not good to bottle it up but it’s scary to speak of so maybe it’s not time yet.

There are things that are embarrassing there are some mistakes made that I sometimes am feeling I should have died than to have lived through and there are feelings now that seem just so wrong.

I’ve been feeling paranoid in ways. I feel like I’m being watched all the time and critiqued and as I meet people I’m imagining all the horrible things they must think of me. Ha I know lol I’m not that important am I ? 😂

But anyway at least I’m getting this much out. Thanks for listening.

31 Replies

No more swearing on the forum though please 🎄🎶🎵🖖😊 have a pleasant holiday and you really are that important....🌟

No Starrlight you aren't that important! You made me chuckle there :) You are very important to us though and no one is judging you on here as you know. As for mistakes do you think you are the only person in the world who has made horrible ones? No - we all have. That's how we learn after all.

Wishing you a good Christmas and hope you enjoy it. x

Ps thanks for amending the swearing out.

Everyone is important in their own way, not to think that is so very wrong.

If you are concerned about something and are frightened to let it go, the problem itself will fester and will become larger than it really is, so you need to consider how to spit the problem out and consider the best way to address it.

Your GP will be able to help and a course of CBT MAY HELP. Sometimes you may be able to talk to a friend or family member who may also help you to move on.

Make an appointment with your Doctor, write a list of your concerns, that will help you explain and not forget any of your problems


Thanks people! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ have a beautiful night!

P.s.if it helps just say ..fuck it ...more often 🎄



Hey Star x yes I do have that one dreaded trauma that I cannot fully talk about. It’s funny I was talking about it to my friend how I need help to get through them thoughts and feelings but I can’t tell anyone x

So you’re not alone there hopefully someone replies with some advice for us x

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

Well I bet we will figure it out.

Maybe you guys could open up to one another?

Sillysausage234 profile image
Sillysausage234 in reply to

Hey hope no secrets on here anymore just let it all hang out ✌🏼😬

I'm sending you (((((big hugs))))) you are important and you have a lot of friends here. x


Oooh very thought provoking


Check This Out :

Hope This Helps A Little....


I do have maybe 2 or 3 secrets that I've never told anyone. Not my wife, not my therapist, and nobody on here. I never told my parents or the best friends that I still have going on 25 years. I can't bring myself to do it. I know why. I already devalue my worth and self esteem. It would bottom out if I opened up. Then I really may try to do harm to myself.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to aaronm

(((((((Aaronm))))) I hear ya

First off my beautiful friend you are important & loved. I'm sure some of us have secrets we keep... most of my friends don't the abuse I suffered as a child or the struggle I've been going through. Telling my therapist my secrets have helped.... getting brave enough to tell my therapy group has helped... it was hard & scary... but I felt less alone. You'll get there... baby you have to do it in baby steps... we're here for you sweetheart. Lots of love & hugs.

Start by writing it down in a letter to yourself - tell yourself first x

I don't know who would be watching you or why honey.... and feeling paranoid happened to me when I smoked this one kind of pot or got laced with LSD way back in the day when I was a I do understand the fear.... but what's behind it is what's important. I have lots and lots of things in my past when I was drinking I wish I could forget, but what I have done which is even better is to forgive myself.....shit happens... we do stupid and embarrassing things growing up.... it's what everyone does who has been out in the world trying to find where they belong.... we make mistakes........ but that was then, and this is now. We cannot live in regret, guilt, remorse, or denial.... I don't think we have to answer to anyone but ourselves. And if something is bothering you and you want to talk about it...then do....otherwise...don't.... Everyone has a past, everyone has secrets, not everyone has to know every single detail about our lives and our mistakes as long as we learn from them. Do what you comfortable with....make amends where needed if you feel you need to, and then move in the here and now.... we cannot change the past, only how we choose to live with it today....

True we are allowed our secrets. I don’t know why I have thought of it as something to fix. Thank you Faux!!!

I feel like I should die all the time too- but I try to remember that I have all of the things that are positive to "live" for- my family, future life (without my anxiety and depression, I am hoping). I have a therapist- sometimes he helps.

I’ve got a few of those 😓😓 it took me a long time to get over some of them, and I feel like I always carry them with me. I am always so quick to forgive others but honestly it takes me a very long time to forgive myself. I have learned you have to foster forgiveness in order to move on. Sending strength your way Starrlight 🌟

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to matt17

How helpful , I can see how forgiveness can help us to move on, makes sense. Thanks Matt 😊

Not sad, but it makes me sad is what I mean

I am sorry that you experienced these things and was not prepared to handle them. I always wondered why some people can handle negative stuff and keep on going and some of us can’t. Sorry other women have been Jealous of your looks, but maybe you were a bit flirtatious. There are many pretty people in the world, maybe you were flirtatious and did not realize it. Try to make some female friends. If you do not want to experiment with dating a bunch of men , do not. If your boyfriend was the right match for you, you would not have disliked his kiss, trust me. When it is the right guy, you will like, love his kiss, even if he puts his tongue in your mouth. Nothing says you have to rush into a relationship, work on you, learn to like you, make some female friends. Be the best you possible, then meet the right man.

RoseFleur profile image
RoseFleur in reply to

Yeah I came here to vent, not to be criticized for being “flirtatious”. I agree with your last two sentences though.

I do not know your secrets. I had bottled everything up for 40 yrs. I became Anorexic at 14. I am now 56. I would have never recovered recently if I had not shared painful memories. We have to trust someone. You need to put your trust in your therapist. It is all private. I have shared tears and painful memories of my childhood rape with her. She cried with me. You have not one thing to be ashamed of. It will set you free. Not one person is perfect. Please open up and share. You will feel a million pounds lifted from you. We can not change the past. We can change our present and future. JUST BELIEVE IN YOU AND TRUST THE THERAPIST. I LOVE YOU. REACH OUT. YOU NEED NOT NEED SUFFER ALONE. LIKE I DID FOR FORTY YEARS.

This means a lot to me. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. I will keep it in mind until I have an opportunity and the feeling telling me it’s the right time to share. Blessings to you Art62grammie

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