So I have very few people in my life that know about my struggles. One being my biggest supporter, my husband. I have been battling anxiety, depression, and panic for almost a year now and 3 months ago I was laid off. So needless to say my world has turned upside down.
My husband asked me to call for tire quotes for 2 vehicles. Ok pretty easy or so I thought. My first call I made was on speaker in front of my husband so he could hear the conversation as well. After getting off the phone my husband begins to yell at me for the way I asked for the quote and why didn’t I wheel and deal and ask for better pricing? So back story I was a purchasing manager so this is something that was within my wheelhouse. As soon as he started yelling and saying why didn’t you or why did you do this I totally shut down not even trying to defend myself. Even though his words weren’t that bad it was that I feel so vulnerable and crushed. I don’t want to let him in now and feel like he is no longer on my side. What do I do now that my biggest supporter has failed me?
Written by
Frogeyes
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Dear Frogeyes. I understand you completely. Been there and done that.Your husband IS NOT your supporter I can tell you that. You need to have a sweet, calm and patient husband who does not yell at you all the time. You can talk to me anytime ok?
I’m sorry that he was very critical of you. what he did was a bit insensitive. it’s hard to stand up for ourselves when we are already struggling and we feel like we are being attacked. he is your biggest supporter but shouldn’t be your only one. reaching out here was a good decision. Do you think you would be able to open a conversation with him when you feel a bit better and communicate with him how what he did made you feel?
Hi there, I did bring this up to him after a few days of me being distant towards him. He said he didn’t realize that what he said was mean or bad and he didn’t yell, he was just frustrated with me. I continued to be distant, even after the fact that I told him how hurt and belittled I felt he has still yet to apologize. I also now realize that I must be fighting some depression and will work on not being as sensitive as I am. I need to work on me and stop expecting from him. I feel like expectations kill relationships.
That probably seemed harsh. The truth is I know where you're coming from. I have tardive dyskinesia and one of the symptoms is being really amped and high strung. I can't really control it. My wife often gets annoyed with me, and I don't like that I'm annoying either I already spend enough time upset over my mannerisms. I had to learn that I couldn't hang on her every word. If I took it to heart every time I would be absolutely miserable. I also had to talk to her multiple times about how bad she makes me feel. This started years ago and is still in progress. I just had to look for other people to go to and luckily I've found wholehearted and encouraging support elsewhere. I also now speak nicely to myself which makes all the difference.
It doesn't matter what you did before....your husband had no right to belittle you like that.....if he had that big of an issue he should've handled the situation himself...otherwise it sounds to me like you handled it fine....you really need to talk to him and let him know....he can't "fix" it until he knows what happened.....
I agree with all above Frogeyes. If he listened the whole time he could have stepped in or done it himself. He also could have specified that he expected you to negotiate when he asked you to do the call. You can also ask for details with stuff like that. I am sorry your number one person let you down, I also think that you can tell him that he let you down. Hopefully he already knows you are feeling terrible.
It sounds like you have two problems to deal with. The first is your relationship with your husband, as others have discussed in their responses. The second issue seems to be your own self-esteem or perhaps depression. This is something that you can work on by yourself or through therapy possibly with medication . I frequently recommend reading the book Feeling Great by David Burns as a good way to teach yourself, cognitive behavioral therapy and helping yourself to feel better.
snapsnap, you are correct after I was laid off my self-esteem went out the door, and I have noticed that I might be working with a bit of depression. 🙈
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
What should I do to heal? 
I don’t know what to do
I don't really know what to do
What do I do - afraid to be alone
I Don’t Know What To Do
