I dont know what to do

[selbelli]

This is my first post, and I've gotten desperate to talk about what's happening to people that i dont know. I constantly feel like I'm never good enough. I try and I try to get my grades up its never good enough. I get yelled at for everything, I can't breathe without them making me feel like i was never wanted. They give me sad, disappointed, and regretful looks. I constantly want to cry, for no reason. I want to crawl out of my own skin. I hate myself. My dad says bad things about my body. I was 128 about 3 weeks ago and currently, I am 110 and I'm still not happy with my weight. I have a therapist by anything i say to her gets relayed to my parents. She always believes them and not me. I don't know what to do or how to stop myself from feeling like this. Medicine doesn't help and usually makes it worse. Please give me advice.

sorry for the rant

[Hidden]

Hello & welcome. In my opinion your therapist should not be discussing your treatment, or anything else, with your parents unless you give written consent. I don't know what your situation is or why your therapist may be discussing anything with anyone other than you. Unless you are a minor of course. But other than that, maybe you should consider discussing boundaries with your therapist and why she's not respecting that

[just_keep_swimming]

I felt like this , I was trying my best and eventually I became the one yelling at myself and constantly degrading myself. It’s not an easy task to not take heed the words from your parents. It’s sounds to me like you are trying your best and also I agree with other members you should either try to find another therapist or talk to the one you have about boundaries .

[redrabbitniner]

I agree with above! Sounds like you need help with boundary setting—join the club! New therapist with boundaries as your mission would be a nice starting point. Hang in there!! YOU define your beauty, not anyone else. Hang in there.

[Raggedy-Ann]

Welcome, you are among friends. Your therapist can't share anything about you without your permission. If you gave permission for your parents to know about your sessions you can rescind your permission and sign a new disclosure document. OK, it took me a loooooong time to learn this. Stop being your own worst bully. The negative self talk can be crushing. You need someone cheering you on and you need to start cheering on yourself. Oh, and eat something. I was in your shoes at the same age. I had anorexia and bulimia, low self esteem, and depression all while going to college. I believed I wasn't thin enough, smart enough, .... I let people treat me bad because I believed that was what I deserved. If I can help by offering this advice it might save you some grief. I know I come on strong but I lost my ability to be gentle at this time. I wish I had someone just tell me straight out how to handle myself. Weakness attracts predators.

[LifeIsThePitts]

you are considered an adult at 18...since you're 20, no therapist or Dr has the right by law to disclose anything said in therapy or treatment to your parents without your consent.

just because your parents tell you something demeaning or degrading doesn't mean it's true. They are projecting their own personal insecurities and shortcomings and failures onto you, and subjecting you to detrimental and emotionally harmful trauma.

definitely start looking for a different therapist. Maybe someone else in the same practice is available to take your case. The one you're seeing sounds inadequate and borderline harmful.

Once I became proactive in my treatment choices instead of reactive, things started turning around for me psychologically. Im 48 years old next month. You're still young with your whole life ahead of you. I struggled thru my 20s & 30s before getting properly diagnosed. You're already a step ahead and trying to improve your quality of life. Don't let uneducated people derail your progress, including your family. You're talking to good people on this site that will support you because we've all been where you are and can show you the path out of the darkness. Keep posting here and I promise you will find answers to your challenges as long as you keep an open mind and heart. Its really hard to shed the stigma that your parents thrust upon you, but it can be done. Once I realized I didn't have to believe anything negative mine imposed on me growing up, it freed me to start investigating what I TRULY felt and believed in for myself in this world.

Be true to YOU... forget everyone else. That small confident inner voice that lead you here is the voice you need to tune into. You know deep down you're doing the right thing. Now RUN WITH IT! You'll thank yourself 10000% down the road 🛣️

i only wish I had the guts or knowledge to ask for help at your age. I didn't even know what was wrong with me, let alone how to address it. You're ahead of the game, even though it doesn't necessarily feel like it right now. You're definitely stronger than you think. Don't give up. Keep fighting for what you deserve....love peace acceptance and happiness

[Blue_81]

I know its hard but try to be gentle with yourself. You are doing your best. Keep writing in this forum to get those negative emotions out. Like others said get a different therapist. I talked bad to myself for years and it never took me anywhere. Im getting myself to be my best friend.

[Midori]

Sounds as if your parents have high expectations of you, but are going the wrong way about motivating you to be your best. It's known as Coercive behaviour and it's destructive rather than constructive. Are they high achieving people?

You are 20, your therapist should not be giving your parents information on you. If she is licenced, she should be reported. You are an adult.

I am assuming you are in College. Most Colleges have a Welfare department (don't know what it's called in the States), but you should be able to talk with a Counsellor there about these problems.

Is there any way you could live in College Accommodation? It would get you away from your parents and allow you to develop your confidence, and at the same time concentrate on your studies.

Cheers, Midori

[Valentina98]

Hey

I'vennot much else to say that hasn't already been said.

Just sending love

V x

[designguy]

You are living in an abusive household and if it's possible it would be healthier for you to find some place else to live. If you are in college do they have a dorm you could move into or friends you could move in to with? If you are in college they should have a counselor and resources to be able to help you. You need to realize that none of this is your fault and start to take steps to protect yourself.

[Sadly47]

you are amazing in your skin! Please don't let others make you feel less than. Your post tells me you are young. I am 47 and have battled this my entire life. The biggest thing I can personally recommend to you is to find a group that loves and accepts you as you are. I am a Rennie. We do rennaisance faire. No-one is less than there. Bodies are accepted as they are. If this sounds like something you might need for a release of stress, an outdoor experience and the love of all for no reason other than that you are you. I say go to one. We camp every weekend during faire aand I feel more accepted free and loved than i ever have. Are you in Texas