I feel like a failure, especially to my parents. No matter what I do it's never enough or right. I'm in all AP classes, but they'll never be proud of me. Especially not my dad. Technically he's not even my dad. My biological one walked out the minute he found out my mom was pregnant, came back a few years later, and treated me horribly. A little while later my step dad adopted me, but now I almost wish he hadn't. Every time I do something even the slightest bit wrong he overreacts and gets very angry. Even when I've done nothing wrong he focuses on something I did wrong months ago but already addressed and or punished me for. There's no way he loves me, he said himself today he hates me. I dont know what to do because my mom is finally happy, but I'm miserable. He has an older daughter who is just awful to him, disrespectful and manipulative. Yet somehow I'm the bad one because of forget stuff sometimes. I've never been or felt wanted. No one is proud of me. Why would they be? Who could take pride in a failure?
I don't know what to do: I feel like a... - Anxiety and Depre...
Anxiety and Depression Support
You are far from a failure Ivy. It sounds like your step father is taking his frustrations with his daughter and other life stressors out on you. You are loveable and wanted.
Thank you, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that
I know how hard it is not to take stuff like that to heart. You are a good person. You focus on you and pleasing yourself.
your mom doesn't see what's going on? That seems a little odd to me. I think you need to talk to a therapist. When I was young, I was taught to try to please people, even when they mistreated you, because that would make you the bigger person, the peacemaker. Now I realize the truth, which is Stop putting an effort into those who show no effort towards you. There's only so much you can do before you're wasting your energy and time! I hope you will take this advice and save yourself years of being victimized.
I've decided if this continues I'm doing exactly what I did to my bio dad when he came back: cutting him out. And my mom does notice and sometimes defends me but sometimes she says she just wants us to be a happy family and stop fighting and doesn't really intervene.
I'm sorry about one thing, in time a rift can develop between you and your mom. It is not a definite thing, but a possibility. I have a resentment to this day because my mother didn't stand up for me, and it does affect to this day. I decided to rely on no one but myself, so I'd stop being hurt, but I admit, it made me a harder person. I wish your mother would understand true happiness isn't avoiding the issue, it's addressing it properly. I wish you the best, you sound like a good student, and you should be proud of that. Keep it up, get a scholarship, and move on to a better life! You got the tools to do it, you should be congratulated.
You are definitely not a failure. I agree with Krn210 that your "dad" is taking his anger and frustration out on you instead of his own daughter. I'm sorry you have to deal with this because I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in the same situation. No matter what I did or how good I did it, it was never good enough. I was constantly put down, made fun of and picked on. I finally just gave up and quit caring about anything and I went down a very wrong path. It took years for me to get back on a good path. My point being, don't allow him to determine how you feel about yourself. You matter, you're a good person and you deserve better. You said your mom is finally happy so I'm assuming he does these things when she's not around. Would she be happy knowing how he treats you and how unhappy you are? I understand that you don't want to do anything to upset her but maybe it's time to get her involved. I wish the best for you and I hope things get better.
Thank you, I think what I struggle most with is being made fun of for crying but as a teen there's really not much else I can do, I can't leave the house or anything like that so I just cry. I've realized that it's from years of feeling helpless so I looked up websites like this. Replies like yours help me so much, so thank you. I really appreciate it!
Oh nonsense, our parents are human beings with faults like every other human being. All AP classes is a great accomplishment, encourage yourself, do you have friends, get encouragement there. It is said, family is whoever supports and encourages you to do well in life. I am not telling you to write your step father off but realize he obviously has problems of his own to deal with or he would not be treating you that way, pray for him, and keep moving on to living a successful, happy life.
I’m so sorry. We are all gifts from God. Sad that we aren’t always treated that way.
ivy,i feel so sad for you,but these thing are all to conmon in famileys,their were 7 of us
althou I did not have your throuble I being the same as you I could never do no good,it was allways the elder ones who talked about how good and clever they were,i did not egsist.like you I expect.but I think I benifited it later in life,which you will also.so ivy,just
try to stick it out,and you will be a better person for it ivy.you have shown you are coping
just by contactin our site already,so you are not useless,all the best ivy
So sorry you are experiencing this. You sound like a loving person who is in touch with your feelings and the reality of your situation. That is good! You would like to be loved and respected. As you should be! Have you considered joining any groups like Young Life or a church youth group?
You are not a failure Ivy. You seem like a wonderful person. Your stepfather is not happy with himself and his life and unfortunately taking it out on you. I know it is so hard not to take it to heart but just tell yourself that every day and know that HE is a a failure because he is failing you, not the other way around. Have you discussed this with your Mom?
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