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Anxiety and Depression Support
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I don't really know what to do

Hi,

I'm... in a situation....

I'll explain.

So, I am in a long distance relationship and we have videocalled one time now. We want to do it again soon, well especially he wants to. I really want to hear his voice and see him again too and I get really happy (especially afterwards), but also I am anxious about calling him like mostly at the start of the call and whenever he asks me when we will do it again. I never liked calling and I am socially anxious so I guess that's why I feel anxious about talking to him on the phone, but on the other hand I do want to call him because he makes me feel happy and he really wants so too so I don't want to be 'in the way'.

The first (and still last) time we videocalled, at the start, I got really nervous and I was overwhelmed (and blushing tbh) and I couldn't get a word out. The camera was actually not pointed at me but at the tv screen cause I was gonna play a videogame and he wanted to watch. But so he couldn't see me blushing and like being nervous so I could feel he felt a little awkward cause I wasn't saying anything, which is understandable btw cause there was a silence.

Later it got better and we were talking a little while playing the game. But I just don't want that to happen again, but I do want to hear his voice and see his face. I really love him alot and I know he loves me alot too. He actually helped me feeling better while being anxious before so maybe I should just talk to him about it and tell him how I feel. I don't want him to think that I don't want to call him though. Idk it may be not that big of a deal as I make of it and I may be overthinking again.

Well anyway, if you made it till here and could follow what I was saying then I would really appreciate it if you shared your opinion/advice.

Love,

A head filled with ? :)

16 Replies
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Hi Diana!

I have very little experience with long-distance relationships and on-line dating. I would encourage you to explain your true feelings to him. I’m sure he will understand, and if not, then you probably don’t need him after all. He’s not asking you for money, is he? I would be careful because it’s really hard to get to know someone completely when they’re not there! Do you get weird feelings from him making you anxious? Just be honest with him and hopefully it will all work out!

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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! I appreciate it! No, he is not asking me for money and doesn't make me feel weird or anything. He is there for me all the time actually without asking for anything in return, he said all he wants is for me to be happy. So, I think you're right and I should just talk to him.

Thank you again!

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Anytime!!

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Maybe you should be contacting a dating site? This site is for people with anxiety and depression issues?

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I do struggle with anxiety and depression. I just thought I'd just put this on here too cause why not? We are all here to help and support each other and I got just that.

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Yes I can see your struggles with anxiety on this. I struggle with anxiety too, and find calls and especially video calls so difficult...

I think chat to him about it. He sounds understanding and I think it could help you a lot if he is aware, he will reassure you.

Best wishes, 🌺🌼🌺🌼

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Yes, I find it difficult too. Thank you for responding! It's comforting to know I am not the only one, although I don't want anyone to feel like that. And yes, I will talk to him about it, hope it goes well. Thanks!

Best wishes to you too!

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🌺🌼🌺🌼 x

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Sorry, you didn't mention that, you just sounded like you were having dating issues?

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I did mention that, but it's okay.

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Hello Diana , Have you ever meant this guy in person ? If not, how did you hook up ? Do you chat when you aren't making video calls? And lastly , how old are you both ? It would be easier to respond if we have a little more information. Pam

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Hi Pam,

No, I haven't met him in person. We were both on a game app where you could also chat so that's how we hooked up. Yes, we text when we're not video calling. I am almost 17 and he is 18.

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Hi Diana,

I think anything that makes you feel better & is helping you to cope a bit more in life is a good thing. I do have a couple questions & I hope you're not feeling "interrogated" but, believe me, I'm coming from a place of love & concern & experience with relationships (good & really bad):

Is this game app a well-known one? Like it:s popular & legit?

Are your parents aware of the relationship?

When my daughter was dating she would meet guys on Match.com, but worked at a place that had access to background checks. Her supervisor was one who suggested she use it to check them out. May be extreme, but it was a good idea. Of course your friend is 18 and her "matches" were older. I'm just thinking like a mom😊.

Your instinct seems to think he's good people & that counts for alot.

Sometimes, when we're lonely (especially if we're socially awkward), we may overlook important details. Is there a trusted friend or sibling that can take an objective "feel" for the young man by checking out his bio or, better yet, who you could introduce him to. Often our loved ones, especially a good friend, have better "eyes" to see. I had to rely on trusted friends' "eyes" shortly before I met my husband. I was vulnerable and had learned to trust their opinion. They kept me out of more than one possible relationship. When I met my husband they gave me the green light. They were right every time and I know that my Higher Power was watching out for me through them!

Lastly, have you been in any previous relationships?

Thanks for reading all the way through. I have personal reasons for feeling I need to "butt in". First, I raised a daughter who was a bit like you and finally, I talked to a young woman in the AA program, has been sober only a couple of months or so and is considering dating an old friend. I saw quite a few red flags. I can't make her act one way or another, but I did lend an opinion😆.

So whatever action you take, I'm offering steps to protect you. Go ahead & use all or any, just take care of you. My gut instinct is that he's an awesome & caring young man, who would be very mindful & understanding with who you truly are. Also, he deserves to know everything. He sounds like a good resource for when you're feelimg crappy!

Have a nice & confident week, Sweetie! I'm rooting for you! Please keep us posted.

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Hi,

It means alot that you took the time to read and respond all that, thank you! I've told him about the videocalling yesterday and he was really understanding, it all worked out. So yes, he truly is a good resource for when I'm feeling crappy.

The game app is well known but there were alot of 'creeps' on it while I just wanted to play a game, however he definitely isn't one of them. When I played a game with him it wasn't at all with the intention to get to know each other so well, but we started talking and we just clicked.

I did tell my mom I am talking to this guy, but not yet that I am in a relationship with him. She was okay with it and even said he could come here during the vacation. I didn't tell my dad anything but I don't talk to him like that nor see him often (my parents are divorced).

I told my best friend that I am in a relationship with him and she isn't like it's a bad thing or that he is not good for me.

I have been in one relationship before but that was when I was a kid and so it wasn't really serious.

I hope I answered all the questions you had, otherwise I don't mind if you ask again. :)

I wish you a nice week too! May all good things come your way!

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Thank you. Your wishes for me were actually exactly what I needed to hear! I have a couple of things I am struggling with & your hope that all good things come my way... I don't know, hun...it makes me feel like you just gave my issues good, positive & even lucky vibes. As us old hippies would day...good juju! Thanks! Btw, my phone wanted me to say "old hippos". I literally LOL!!!

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Lol

I'm glad I could give you a little positivity. I hope your issues will become smaller over time and I'm sure they will. 😊

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