Yesterday I had a full blown panic/anxiety attack during my kids basketball game. I’m talking ugly crying, shaking/startling when the crowd got loud or the buzzer buzzed. I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible but people were staring at me while I was crying and shaking and my husband just sat there. He pat my back for a second. I asked if he could take me home before our other kid’s game and he said no. That being out in public would be good for me. We got to the second game and I’m still a complete mess - except this time my old friend was there so I had to socialize and answer a bunch of questions while tears are streaming down my face. She was nice and understanding but I felt completely humiliated and exhausted.
Then he drove me to my moms house where, of course, I broke down yet again because now my mom is worried. I just don’t know what is really going on with me. I felt so humiliated yesterday - freaking out in front of strangers, my children, and my mom. All I wanted was to come home, put on some TV, and crochet. But that’s all I ever want to do anymore so I don’t know. I just don’t know where to go from here.
Has anything similar happened to you guys? A public meltdown in front of so many people? How did you overcome it?
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Tealpillow
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The only time I had a panic attack in public I was able to step away and go to my car where I had the time to do some calming exercises. I cant imagine how you felt having to sit there in that state.
Several things come to mind:
1. Are you on anything for panic attacks/anxiety? Do you have a therapist you see? It sounds (totally assuming here) like you might need to talk to someone about what is triggering you during these attacks.
2. Explain to your husband what you need in those moments. The most supportive thing my husband says when I am having an attack or depressed is “what can I do for you?”. My answer sometimes is just leave me alone lol.
3. For now, maybe your best bet is to remove yourself from the situation (take a walk behind the stands or sit in the car for a few minutes) and trying breathing exercises.
4. Your kids will love you regardless of your panic attacks and when/where they happen. I am very open about my mental health with my kids without making it seem like they have to take care of me. It has made it a beautiful relationship where they now come to me when they feel a certain way (they are preteens!) because they know no one is happy all the time, nor should they be.
I really hope you are doing okay now. Reach out if you need support today. I’ll just keep checking in on the site 😊💜
I worry so much about my mental issues affecting my kids. My mom is a therapist (not my therapist!) and told me to just explain it as my own mental issues and reassure the kids they are wonderful. I hope it sinks in.
I think you can let the incident go when you are ready and I think it helps to remember no one except you is probably thinking about it still.
I suggest doing something nice for yourself.
Hi Tealpillow, Yes I can relate to this. Years ago I was at an NFL game and out of nowhere had a panic attack. I spilt my entire soda on the lady in front of me and couldn’t breathe. Thought I was losing my mind. Luckily the girl I was with knew I had panic attacks but had never seen one before so had no idea what to do or how to help. I shoved my way through the people in the stands, ran out of stadium, then ran another mile to my car. By the time I got to my car after all that running, the attack was over and anxiety was gone. It was terrifying, everyone was staring at me, and I did not go back to the game. Since that day, I now run everyday and it’s made a huge difference in my life and controlling the anxiety. It’s just my story but I can definitely relate. It was humiliating. I know how you feel.🙏
Tealpillow, I think you are worrying too much about what other people think. This is about you, not them.
If we see someone in distress we feel compassion for them NOT embarrassed by them. Everybody goes through periods of being upset in public. So I say stop worrying about the spectators, who cares what they think anyway?
Most of them are concerned for your welfare but perhaps don't know how to help. Anybody who thinks otherwise is no friend of yours so they don't matter!
Having a public meltdown serves a purpose. It communicates to friends and family that you need help and understanding and THEY NEED TO STEP UP TO THE TASK.
You're clearly experiencing oversensitivity of your nervous system caused by too much worry and overwork. It makes all our small prolems and worries seem ten times worse. That needs to be addressed to calm your sensitised nerves and for the melt downs to yield.
In the meantime, when you feel an anxiety attack approaching here's what to do. You simply accept it for the time being. Don't fight it, fighting only causes more stress and tension. Accept it knowing that it can't kill you, can't cripple you and can't send you crazy.
Blips of overstretched nerves don't have the power to do that.
In fact the symptoms of anxiety are toothless tigers.
You are not alone. Millions of people have those melt down feelings. The ones that recover quickly are the ones lucky enough to have come across a book written before you were born. It's title is "Hope and help for your nerves" by Claire Weekes, just a few dollars new or preowned on Amazon or E-bay. It's a life changer.
Either way, it's time to put your own mental health needs first and stop worrying about what other people think. If they're good people they will understand. If they don't then they are unworthy of your consideration.
Thank you everyone. I’ll read that book. I noticed it’s taking me longer and longer to bounce back. Feels like falling in a black hole and I’m losing the will to climb out.
I have a therapist, psychiatrist, on medication, do daily yoga, sage, incense, meditate etc. It’s been a year and these coping mechanisms aren’t helping and I just don’t know where to go from here.
I am so sorry you went through this, Tealpillow. It sounds terrifying and I totally sympathize, as anxiety/panic attacks are terrible enough on their own. And I know that what you went through is even worse. But as some of the other posters advised, I agree that you should try not to worry about what other people might have thought. Though I completely understand why you would, as I almost always worry about what other people think of me, too. And I’m trying to stop, but I’ll admit that it is a really hard thing to do. So I very much understand why you feel the way you do.
I hope you do something enjoyable and relaxing tonight and that it brings you the comfort and peace of mind that you deserve. 💙🌺
You are so sweet, thank you. I took my family up to Sedona to soak in the beautiful red rocks and try to get myself together. But going on vacation with kids is …. Tough for the anxious lol
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I would sit down and talk with your husband about it, how difficult and scary it is for you at those times, I don't think he helped. People without anxiety have no idea what it can be like or how the effects can ruin days or weeks. It would've been good if you could've left, not to run from the anxiety but just to know that you're in control of your life and you don't have to stay somewhere you really don't want to be
Thank you. My rational brain knows he was trying to help but he made it so much worse. I tried to explain that over and over again until I just shut down and let him parade me around everyone in all my pain. He didn’t see it that way but that’s how it felt. I’ll talk to him about it in a few days so I can do it without being upset. Hopefully.
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