A lone bird soaring through the skies. This picture I took during a trip to Tracy, CA sums up how I feel now, even if partly so. My depression has been hitting me pretty hard these past few weeks. I am not on any meds and I do not wish to be. I was done with that part of my life. I had been on meds for 8 years and finally able to get off of them. That's not my issue. Maybe my depression is situational now? I am living in a rural area south of Atlanta. There is no near by transportation available. The county overwhelmingly voted against it. So there are no buses coming through here. I have no car, I have to get a ride from someone. I could uber or lyft but that is crazy expensive. Especially when you've been looking for work everywhere and cannot find anything even remotely close.
I have a Vocational Rehab counselor and still I am struggling to find work. There is nothing they can do yet still I try every day to find... something. I have limitations (I have cerebral palsy) and of course I want to do the stuff that will kill my back and put me up for weeks like carpentry and construction. I just want some work.. I have an unpaid medical bill I would like paid off and I want to get my own place soon. I just feel like I'm drowning and its hopeless. I have NO friends around here. I have no one to talk to, to hang out with, nothing. I rarely go to church because I don't have a ride either. My nerve damage injury (this is what the unpaid medical bill is for) has been acting up again and I'm just in constant pain from that. I don't know. I'm just tired of being alone and constantly feeling like a failure. I thought V.R. would assist me with job placement. ugh. I'm just so tired of everything. I just deleted my facebook a few minutes ago since I'm just done with everything. I'm tired of being alone down here.