A lone bird soaring through the skies. This picture I took during a trip to Tracy, CA sums up how I feel now, even if partly so. My depression has been hitting me pretty hard these past few weeks. I am not on any meds and I do not wish to be. I was done with that part of my life. I had been on meds for 8 years and finally able to get off of them. That's not my issue. Maybe my depression is situational now? I am living in a rural area south of Atlanta. There is no near by transportation available. The county overwhelmingly voted against it. So there are no buses coming through here. I have no car, I have to get a ride from someone. I could uber or lyft but that is crazy expensive. Especially when you've been looking for work everywhere and cannot find anything even remotely close.
I have a Vocational Rehab counselor and still I am struggling to find work. There is nothing they can do yet still I try every day to find... something. I have limitations (I have cerebral palsy) and of course I want to do the stuff that will kill my back and put me up for weeks like carpentry and construction. I just want some work.. I have an unpaid medical bill I would like paid off and I want to get my own place soon. I just feel like I'm drowning and its hopeless. I have NO friends around here. I have no one to talk to, to hang out with, nothing. I rarely go to church because I don't have a ride either. My nerve damage injury (this is what the unpaid medical bill is for) has been acting up again and I'm just in constant pain from that. I don't know. I'm just tired of being alone and constantly feeling like a failure. I thought V.R. would assist me with job placement. ugh. I'm just so tired of everything. I just deleted my facebook a few minutes ago since I'm just done with everything. I'm tired of being alone down here.
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Live in positions? hmm.. I hadn't thought of this before. I will look into some. Thank you for your kind response. And thanks for the comment on the picture. That taken at the International Rose Test Garden, in Portland.
yes you're right now that I think of it but when I went it wasn't all that cold. I'm used to Nor'easters type of weather. It rained for maybe two days out of the 2 weeks I've stayed up there. I don't think the weather went under 40f the whole time I was there.
ha! I feel you on that. I can't stand when its too damn hot like it gets down here in GA. I can deal with the cold but not for too long. No way am I ever going to live North of Canada that's for sure.
Everyone else being too far away is my issue too. I may take trips to see old friends in Seattle or vancouver but eh, I don't know anyone here in Georgia really and my transportation issue that I mentioned in my original post doesn't help things either.
I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. I do appreciate you sharing your story about getting off meds. I hate seeing all the pills I take and I get a lot of anxiety towards the side effects they could cause in the future.
As far as being alone you no longer are. Being on here you will make lots of nice friends. I'd be happy to talk. I'm not sure what religion you are but you did mention church. I'm very young and lost faith of god as I grew up. I am currently trying to get religous and have been seeking Christianity. It's been helping me so much. I never knew how many kind people there were out there until I started to call and go into churches. The news makes everything seem so evil nowadays I completly lost site of all the good. So if you would like to converse about religion I would enjoy it. I'm open to all beliefs and enjoy talking to others about there's.
Thank you as well for your kind words. As far as religion goes, I am a Catholic. I was born in a Catholic hospital and baptized right then and there because they were all afraid they were going to lose me. I was a tiny premie. I wasn't raised in the faith but my abuela was and still strongly is. It wasn't until this past Lent (2017) that I started looking into Catholicism more. I don't consider myself super religious but I do enjoy having a closeness with my grandma about this stuff.
I called her when I went up to Vancouver and visited The Grotto up there. Told her all about it and she was just over the moon about it. I feel like we have a connection now and it's pretty cool. I try to do the Rosary everyday during my walks and I keep her in mind. I am more into looking up and reading about religious things some days, not all. It just depends on how I feel. I have my favorite prayers and say those every day at some point but that's really it. Nothing too diehard.
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first time here
What am I going to do?
I'm so afraid
My body is exhausted, I can't do it anymore
What should I do ?
