Going backwards what do I do?

[Meyer_Gdmnx]

Hi guys you may have read some of my previous posts and seen my gradual improvement which was great. Despite this the entire time I’ve been feeling better I’ve always been wondering when it would end and unfortunately it has. Yesterday was horrific I woke up to the stench of my dad burning loose paper outside which made me feel ill/sick/crap/worried all day additionally it was very hot (30 degrees) and I didn’t sleep a wink as I was trying to take my mind off of how crap I was feeling. Even when I was feeling better I kind of felt like I was completely mad for feeling the way I did in my mind it felt fine but almost psychotically fine if that makes sense? My dad mother and even therapist all agreed I was getting better my therapist even discharged me earlier last week so by all metrics I’m going better but why am I feeling so unsure and crap any advice or had anyone ever been here before? It’s just I read posts about people who’ve had anxiety for like twenty plus years and I just can’t handle that being me if that makes any sense I thought this was something you could get over? (I’m 21 and have been suffering for a year?)

[kenster1]

take some time to think of how you got on the right track and try implementing that again into your daily routine.

[argh52]

Time takes time and not all progress looks like progress. These feelings come in waves. All of that progress you've made and all the strength you've grown helps you get through the bad times. It'll help you get through this bad time. Depression makes it impossible to believe that things will get better, but experience will eventually teach you otherwise.

We all have our bad times and it doesn't negate the progress you made and the work you did.

Give yourself permission to have a bad day. It doesn't mean things are bad. Just that today is bad.

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to argh52]

Thank you for your reply it was really very very helpful the worst part to be honest is the insomnia

[argh52 in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

Me too. It's the worst. Do you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep?

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to argh52]

Since I got a new mattress it’s not been bad at all it’s more that something stresses me out through out the day and I just ruminate over then so much I just don’t sleep all night

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

I mainly just stay on my phone to try and distract

[argh52 in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

Staying up all night obsessively ruminating is the worst. I listen to meditation scripts when I go to sleep and it helps some. When it gets real bad I take a little melatonin. Glad the new mattress helps!

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to argh52]

Thank you I’m glad that the tapes help you have you ever tried lavender spray? I more focus on how I’m feeling constantly in every possible way I don’t know how do get over that

[masa2333]

Hello, as a 21 year old myself I can see what do you mean by not wanting to struggle with anxiety for the rest of your life.

I’ve been struggling for the past six months, you could see some of my posts on my profile if interested in details.

I’ve also been on medications ever since I was diagnosed with panic disorder and I think I want my therapist to get me off those. I am scared of long term effects and also scared of having to take meds in order to function normally for the rest of my life.

I also do have good days and bad days...since I started taking meds, I haven’t had one panic attack BUT I’ve been feeling very anxious lately...I also sleep more and eat more than usual.

Think of success. Success is never linear, but more like trying and failing but continuing to try anyway, until you got there. Now implement it to your anxiety problem. You will have problems along the way but eventually everything will be good.

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to masa2333]

Thank you for your reply my friend. I have been prescribed medication a low dose of sertraline but I have never taken it because I was far to afraid of the affects of taking it and I wish I could be strong enough to take it. It would’ve probably sped up this whole process. You see due to my anxiety I’ve been out of work for a year now which causes a lot of down feelings but lost of the time I think that I needed this year to learn how to get over this. But there is a huge fear of this being permanent

[masa2333 in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

I’ve been taking low dose of Xanax at the beginning until Seroxat kicks in ‘cause it usually takes 4-6weeks for SSRI’s to start working. I really don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have those prescribed. I was at the ER everyday, couple times a day because of recurring panic attacks and thought that I was dying. So it’s a really good thing that you had the strenght to come this far without any medication! Congrats! That’s good, you should be proud of yourself. My biggest fear is once I got unprescribed of meds, my panic attacks will return or I’ll die. Scary thoughts

I understand how you feel towards work, it’s been like that for me this year as I graduated from college recently but it was a mental struggle for me to push myself to learn even tho my brain wouldn’t cooperate.

[Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to masa2333]

Thank you very much for your kind words but I’m really no stronger than anyone on here you’re just as strong if not stronger than me and for that you should be just as proud for having the courage to take medication. I just was in a job I wasn’t into anyway and it was a long drive from home and when I was there I would feel awful and to be honest my biggest fear is this stopping me from pursuing my comedy aspirations.

[masa2333 in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

I think we all go through this in our own way and each one of us is strong for having courage to even seek help and speak about problem.

You can look at this like a step in life where life tests you and puts you some rocks on the road so you can learn to deal with it in order to appreciate happiness when it comes. We unfortunately live in the world where happiness is normalised, like it’s a normal state and no one really appreciates it anymore. I had a very tough and sad life but I try and find happiness in every moment. Today was anniversary of my father’s death and although I cried a lot, I also talked to him about me finishing the same college as him, about some of our memories ect. I tried to honour the happy memories and not think about battle with cancer he had.

[masa2333 in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

Good tehnique is to keep a diary and for every bad thought you have, you write it down and also write down 3 things for which you are currently happy in life beneath the bad thought. It teaches you to remember that not everything is as bad as it seems.

[blackcat64013 in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx]

Hi,

I gave up on finding help, at least a non-medical way to conquer insomnia. Nothing seemed to work for this 🐈‍⬛.

What did work was taking a prescription drug, Mirtazapine at night to take advantage of its known side effect, sedation.

I am sorry it wasn't suggested sooner by my doctor.

While it may not be the answer for you, it's worth considering.

Best wishes 🦘

[Mrspjsmom]

I feel like my anxiety and depression have their own unique dance. I move forward. I back slide. Has always been this way. But I know I am strong. I know I can get better. You will probably have some bumps in the road too. Just remember you were feeling better so you can get back there. HUGS and BLESSINGS!