ADHD or just lazy and depressed?

[GhostKitty]

"You just have to get up and do it""Just sitting hasn't done anything good for you"

"You have to do it because it will make you feel better [in the long run]"

"You can't just not do things because you 'don't feel like it'"

It's not that I don't feel like doing things it's that I feel like I can't do things. Like I am physically incapable of doing the things I need to do. Like I have a set amount of energy and I'm using it all up just trying to feel ok and not kill myself.

Only things that give instant gratification feel good. And rewards like food don't work because I can just eat it now rather than eating after making myself feel like sh*t from doing something I'm supposed to do.

I hate my self so freaking much that I don't see myself as worth any effort so how am I supposed to do things that are good for me because they are good for me?

[litethatnevergoesout]

I’m sorry about your pain and struggles. the inability to be able to do something is very real.

when it comes to doing something that makes you feel good it’s important to take care of yourself and be very kind to yourself. it really does matter and makes a difference.

[GlowingDarkly]

I have struggled with the very things you outlined just now my whole life. It’s actually been a subject matter I’ve been actively tackling this past week, doing my own research into the matter as well as a lot of self-reflecting.

I learned of a term called “Learned Helplessness” and ironically I was just messaging lite here about it in our DMs. It is a trauma response, more or less. But the long and the short of it is, is that our brains are wired to avoid things we learn cause pain (physical or mental). Repeated trauma can teach the brain to more instinctually avoid situations that might lead to a repeat experience. Over time with little to no exposure to other positive stimulus, we develop behavior patterns that inform a lot of our own decision making in life. The “radius” of our avoidance can grow and grow to a point where we just cease trying certain things all together because of how it might be linked to a trauma or multiple traumas in our past.

I am by no means a professional in the field an I am already nervous sorta promoting this concept because I don’t want to say, “yup this is definitely it, so here is the cure”. Because the reality is not as simple.

But the bottom line is you are NOT lazy, at least no more lazy than anyone else. You are working hard, even if you do not think it is work - but you are expending a crazy amount of mental psychic energy keeping yourself afloat.

One of the most important things to begin to think about is how you can set yourself some very, VERY small goals that can lead you in a positive direction, because what you need most are WINS, however big or small. Do not overwhelm yourself. We need to take this like a marathon or a walk-a-thon and not an actual race. The goal is to cross that finish line, no matter how long that takes.

[Midori]

Have you seen a Doctor? I think it would be for the best.

Those You should or You Can't or You have to... are reinforcing your inabilities, especially if they come from family or friends.

Try your Doc or a therapist or Counselor.

Cheers, Midori

[GhostKitty in reply to Midori]

I see both. My stupid psychiatrist was 20 minutes late to our last appointment and then tried to push our next appointment to 3 or 4 weeks out and I had to push for 2 weeks. And my therapist doesn't even seem to consider executive dysfunction and how to deal with that rather than just the "lack of motivation". Why do I have a lack of motivation? How do I deal with that instead?