I'mLost and truly depressed

[Enduring-it-all]

I'm so depressed and cannot seem to get out of my mental state. Ive never been so depressed that I reach out to anyone let alone a group. But here I am. I do have a counselor but it's not enough it seems once a week. I have ongoing disabilities for 4 years, I cannot stand long, I have to use a walker to go somewhere which is maybe 1 to 2 times a month and 10 minutes max it seems or it feels my legs more my torso will feel it's going to give out. I believe I have LYME disease, 4 Bands were positive in 2022. Untreated, because I don't meet the criteria for the CDC of 5 Bands. But Lyme sites and forums say I have it I feel so lost!

I have to many referrals to doctors and not getting to any fast, but they are the same type doctors I've seen in the past with no answers.

My mental state is declining, my health is declining.

I get froze with anything on what to do, it's like I'm paralyzed in a crazy thought pattern due to my mind and my body. Scared of trying new things, scared of how I'm feeling, and scared I'll be like this until die. It's like I want the magic pill that resolves everything but there's no such thing, and I get nothing accomplished. I know I need help but I don't have support. I feel like I need someone to pull me out of this hole I'm in but there's no one but me and I am incapable apparently. I try my pep talks with myself but they don't last.

How do I get out of this? LYME disease forums I see tells you so many remedies to try but they are so foreign to me, it's like being in another universe where I don't speak their language. They suggest you need to get a Lyme doctors, try these herbs, tinctures to try, it feels like a rabbit hole. Then I don't know that's even the cause of my mental state but it can be from LYME Disease. I just want a doctor who truly cares one that will help me fight not just throw pills and referrals my way.

Anyhow, this is part of where I'm at in my depression. There's so much more to it. Being home bound just sitting or sleep when I can at night I'm home 95% of every year, no outlets, I can't go for walks or exercise. I lost my youngest son in June 2024 to suicide. I need a place to live, I currently in March 2024 had to move in with my oldest son and wife, they need their house back to themselves, I feel like a burden.

I don't know what I want or need I just need to be ok again but how! I've been fighting this for 4 years and in a new healthcare system since last March, and nothing's getting anywhere

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am glad you have come here for support. There is almost always someone around to chat with.

[RS1974]

I'm sorry you're struggling right now. It's good your here to get help. I know for my mental health when I suffer bad I check myself into a mental hospital. It's difficult to be away from home but you'll feel better.

Hugs 🤗

[Enduring-it-all in reply to RS1974]

How does that happen? Does insurance cover it? A friend of mine they just do a one day hold in the hospital and send her home the next day. I do talk to my counselor tonight so hopefully he can get me mentally in a half way ok place again. I almost think I'm heading that direction if things don't start looking so bleak. On top of all this I just got worse news tonight that a place I applied for doesn't have a downstairs unit available and the studio they have I'm over the income limit. My son needs the room I stay in back for my grandson, so my roof over my heads not permanent either. Too much to take anymore.

[RS1974 in reply to Enduring-it-all]

You could call your insurance and have them recommend one or talk to your psychiatrist to recommend you one. Get your meds straight and you'll feel better. I'm sorry about your bad news.

Hope things get better soon.

[Enduring-it-all in reply to RS1974]

Yes, getting a medication and the correct one will definitely be my agenda, I need my mind to get better.

[RS1974 in reply to Enduring-it-all]

Yes a sane mind makes all the difference. And it may take sometime to get the right meds. Take care 🙂

[worthytobeloved]

OMG, I so feel for you and the awful situation you're in. I hope and pray you'll get the right help soon for your physical and mental health. I'm sure your son would want you to continue staying with him until somewhere suitable is found for you. And I'm so sorry to hear that you lost another son to suicide. You've been through the mill, and I hope and pray things will improve for you in every way. xxx

[Enduring-it-all in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you so much. If my body and mind could get better I know I'd be in a better place. My health is taking me down so fast these last few months. I appreciate all your prayers. I need any type of good thoughts, prayers, sent my way as everyone does that's on here. Also, sending you prayers of healing and wishes for recovery from what is happening in your life.

[WastedDays]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had to say a prayer for you when I read your post. I Hope that reaching out helps you in anyway. Just know you’re not alone and there are people thinking of you.

[Enduring-it-all in reply to WastedDays]

Thank you for saying a prayer for me, I appreciate any thing that may help me heal and carry on towards a better future again. This place I've found myself in has been the worst situation health wise and been devastating to my mental state.I wish you blessings and many prayers that you also may recover from what is plaguing you in your life. Thank you for reaching out to me. It helps to know others do care in this world.

I know I do care about others and wish and pray out every night that God bless and heal those suffering but sometimes it doesn't seem like you feel it from others, you feel so alone when your enduring depression. Again it means a lot right now that you actually sent a prayer for me.

[WastedDays in reply to Enduring-it-all]

You are welcome, thank you for your blessings.

[Cheetahone]

Sad to hear you’re struggling.

The only things I can suggest is to start from scratch. Find a good doctor and make an appointment. The reason for the appointment should be not feeling well. Don’t mention Lyme disease. Just describe your symptoms and let the doctor start with them. That way you’ll get new eyes on the problem which can lead to new ideas about your symptoms.

As for the depression (and/or anxiety) just relax and let all the negative thoughts and feelings go. I know it’s hard to do but Catastrophic thinking is common. And the depressing thoughts only hurt and are not helpful and you may be on an incorrect path.

Wishing you wellness and happiness and peace. Take care. And get a good nights rest and sleep.😴

[Enduring-it-all in reply to Cheetahone]

I feel like this is all I'm doing is starting from scratch anymore. I had along talk with my brother in law earlier., he pointed out some things to try also. He's a vet and did counsel when he was in the army. Your so right about catastrophic, it is exactly how I feel. Yet, I see this happening in myself but cannot understand why the grip is so strong. Even if I'm not thinking negatively something feels like it's just inside my whole body, like doom. I know thoughts arrive from a sensation or feeling first, or that's what I was told and you need to sit with the feeling, but it's all I seem to do is sit with these feelings and no solutions or no long term escape from them other then sleeping at night, then I dream crazy dreams lately, but once my eyes open I'm back in this doom of depression.Everything people say to try they make sense but I can't seem to stop whatever it is that's keeping me locked in my mind, before when I was younger and went through a relationship depression I could get out of it but never got to where I am now.

My clear thought thinking know that this is a unclear place to be, I'm not thinking straight, and I'm ok there's nothing wrong your not dying your not being abused your not being subject to something terrible. But my mind is telling you are not ok. I just want it to stop, just thinking about it's driving me batty. My counselor was supposed to call last night but had an emergency, were supposed to talk tonight now. I'm definitely going to see if I'm having or on the verge of a breakdown or seeing how I go about finding if I have a real bad in balance happening in my brain. I know this is not normal or at least for me. I'm so sorry and sad for anyone who gets like this and endures this in their life. I knew normal or what I accepted as normal for years, this is me thinking I'm going crazy., and it's scary.

Thank you for reaching out, at least when I read post I can start to get clarity for a minute and respond to try and get this out instead of keeping it all inside, it helps even if it's short lived right now.

Sending my best to you in your journey while you navigate your own depression. I wish I could help everyone of us that are struggling with all my heart.

[Cheetahone in reply to Enduring-it-all]

Dear Enduring-it-all,

First, I hope it went well with your counselor tonight. Regarding that, a therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is for depression and anxiety (they often go together (anxiety is like fear)). CBT has been proven to be as effective as medication for depression and anxiety and helps train your brain get out of the vicious cycles of negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Note that thoughts can cause feelings and behaviors, and vice versa. You might think “I’m dying” and feel anxious and/or not eat, or eat too much. I learned this from my own CBT sessions. The idea is to practice CBT so you can be your own therapist.

However, I am not a doctor, and I don’t know about your possible Lyme disease diagnosis. All I can say is each doctor (or any person) is better at some things than others. Keep trying your checking into your physical health to find solutions. Get a comprehensive diagnosis even if you’ve done it before.

Your mental and physical health are related and interact with each other. So, get help with both.

Best hope for you and may peace and happiness find you.

[worthytobeloved in reply to Cheetahone]

Very helpful reply!

[Cheetahone in reply to worthytobeloved]

Hi dear worthytobeloved (and you are worthy to love yourself),

Thanks for the comment. I recently received a correct diagnosis of depression and anxiety (instead of schizophrenia, I wasn’t hearing voices or delusional, etc). And was misdiagnosed, as I had sleep problems. One doctor misdiagnosed and prescribed melatonin, which didn’t help. Another doctor did comprehensive blood tests and discovered low blood sodium and iron levels, to the point of anemia. Iron supplements and drinking fewer fluids resolved the iron and sodium problems.

Also, years of therapy didn’t help and then a new counselor did CBT and the changes and results began immediately and just got better.

Hopefully this helps you as well (sorry if you didn’t expect to be lectured to, but I am so grateful and happy to have found relief that I can’t contain myself lol).

Take care and don’t give up the good fight.