So lonely and depressed

[CharlieChew]

Having a really bad week with depression. With everything that has already been going on with my life I got dumped. It's wasn't supposed to be a serious relationship but I fell for him. And he told me recently that he found someone he would like to start seeing. He just used me for months because he told me he couldn't be in a serious relationship. But it turns out he couldn't be in a serious relationship with me. It broke my heart. I already feel horrible about myself and now this just made me feel worse. I guess I understand though. I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with me either. I'm just so tired of being unhappy. I don't know why I always need someone in my life in order to be happy. I know everyone says you have to love yourself before you can be involved with anyone. But I don't know how to love myself. I hate everything about me. I'm a loser. I'm 41 and have done nothing with my life. I didn't get married or have children because the one longterm relationship I had. He didn't want to get married or have kids. And I agreed. But when that ended after 10 years it was to late for me to have children. I always give up everything for the guy I'm with. I just want them to love me. I don't know how long I can live like this.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry you got hurt... but it sounds like there were mixed signals from the start....this does not mean your not lovable, and that you did anything wrong...just listen to what you just said here: ' It's wasn't supposed to be a serious relationship but I fell for him'... you got into a relationship on casual, mutually agreed terms from the start... meaning... you should not expect any more out of it, or that it would go anywhere... this is something you want to think about, and stop being hard on yourself. Many people get into relationships with an 'easy out' already in place, meaning it's safer to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable so you feel more in control of the situation, and can get out easy... well , you fell for someone and it was not going to work out. So next time... take your time... get to know the person on a more long term basis.... make sure they are emotionally there for you after a while of dating... if they want to keep it causal.... then you make that choice then, but don't take it personally when that's all there is going to be from that relationship... it is what it is.

[Offroadjeep]

Our stories are so much alike. I feel for you. Hang in there and try to have a blessed day

[nightingale1977]

Hugs.... sorry to hear you are hurting... I’m 41 too. I’m twice divorced and I’m single mum. I’m in a very difficult relationship at this moment. I agreed with what @fauxartist said. It seems like there were mixed signal right from the start. BUt please do not let this define you. YOu are who you are and I do not think whether you are someone’s first choice or 2nd, will affect how lovely you are as a person. We all have our quirks. Everybody is different. Not married or not having a kid doesn’t make you are loser. Things like that don’t define you. And you are not a loser. Shake off that thought. Take a walk, buy yourself a coffee and sit and watch the world go by. Everyone you see are going through some storms in their life as well. Tomorrow when the negative thoughts creep into your mind again, do the same thing. I’m keeping you in my prayer. God bless...

[Sprinkle1]

Hi CharlieChew, this is Sprinkle 1. I have written to you before. Believe me 41 is still young. I want you to learn to love yourself, when you love yourself "they" cannot hurt you like this, you get wiser. I have been married 3 times, I blamed myself for 2 breakups. I went to therapy, learnt a whole new way of looking at the world and myself, I learnt to love myself, it is So rewarding. I learnt relationships are hard, to often a lack of communication creates a big problem, and supposed "mind reading". One has to get to know a person really well, and it does not mean it will work into a permanent situation. I like being single and do not want to live with someone. I would like a good male friend to hang about with, but it has not happened! I enjoy my own company, and do not generally get lonely or bored, too much to see, do and learn. Sorry you did not have the children you wanted, but you could adopt, even at your age, or foster a child.

I know you are going thru a hard time, as are so many millions of us on a daily basis, Buddha said "Life is Suffering" all those years ago, and it is, damn.

Come and talk to us, we will try to help you, give you love and support, sending big hugs....Sprinkle 1......xx

[CharlieChew in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thanks for your kind words. I just feel stuck right now. I know I need to do something to change my life. But I'm to the point were l don't care. I'm just exhausted. I don't know what to do.