So I was good for the last 2 days and including most of the day today and once I got out from work at 4pm I didn't get home till 6 I began to feel agitation set in. I showered and went directly into my bed and my appetite is gone. My bf adds to the agitation at times too and sometimes not. When I feel like this I just look at him and in my head just picture myself just punching him right in his face because just at the thought 💭 I would feel as though I would feel better. I know it's not right so I then try to think of positive thoughts but I can't because the negativity has a stronger pull. When I don't feel like being bothered or even spoken too I'm called ignorant because I just ignore him and really don't respond it's just because I just want to explode and tell him off on how at times how he makes me feel plus a few other things that would just hurt.
But I don't and I'm not the type of person to bite my tongue 👅 but I've learned from past experiences that being mean and saying awful things are hurtful and doesn't really get you anything. I may feel better at first after I let it out but later on I don't feel proud of myself I feel ugly because once said you can't take it back.
I know that I can be very harsh and pretty much a bitch but that because I keep in a lot of pent up anger and emotions that at times I just explode.
Out communication isn't very good at this point in our relationship we are going on 5 years and trying to repair it but I feel like I'm doing most of the work and not getting much back on his part.