Just venting on here to anyone willin... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Just venting on here to anyone willing to listen

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I'm really struggling. I don't know where to live anymore, don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. If Rainbowsforlife and Amoeba happen to be reading this, I apologize I haven't sent personal messages back to you. I can't be a good friend to anyone the way I'm feeling at the moment. I have not taken my psychiatric meds for the 4th day in a row and I will be okay. I've been through the wringer of the mental health system. I'm rejecting all of it, there is no real help. Just endless numbers of psychiatrists and therapists all making money off of me. I'm tired of feeling victimized. This is my crazy way of trying to take some power back. This world is very biased and skewed. Ruthless cold mean people seem to be the ones that get ahead while throwing everyone else under a bus. It just shouldn't be that way. So many people seem to play the game of leave someone before you get left. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one who constantly gets left. And yet I carry on. That's all I can do. One thing I feel like I know about myself is when I get in these dark moods sooner or later I come out of them. Just on my own. Who's to say my brain is broken and I'm such a disturbed mentally ill person??? I happen to think there's more right about me than whatever the hell is supposed to be wrong with me. I can't seem to deal with conventional jobs. That doesn't mean I'm lazy or that I can't or don't want to work hard, but I need to like something about what I'm doing and find some meaning and purpose in it, or I just won't last at it!!! I'm tired of living on disability, I've never really wanted to be on it, there are so many people I bet who feel forced to depend on it and it's not right. And I'm tired of technology and computers. I don't believe any more that it's necessarily making anyone's life that much more easier. It's just creating more hoops people have to jump through to qualify getting any kind of meaningful job. I believe there are a lot of homeless people out there that would make good employees if someone would just give them a decent chance. And I believe some doctors don't know much of anything. They might have learned all kinds of whatever in medical school but they don't know how to treat their patients with any kindness and respect and they suck as people. So that's my thoughts. I wish some old fashioned things would come back again. Like being able to type up your resume and hand out paper copies or mail them instead of this sending things online stuff. My eyes get glazed over reading screens. Tired of older people being disrespected by younger people. Who reads books anymore??? No we are all focused on computer screens and these addictive phones. I don't like feeling like I need this phone all of the time. I know I'm just going on and on on here, just getting all of it out. I think I should get back into drawing and doing artwork like I did when I was younger. Why are music and art considered just things to do for a hobby that you can't make a living at??? Why is there so much importance placed on science and math??? Music and art and writing are what feeds my soul. Without it you might as well be a robot. Well, thank you for reading this beautiful soul. Thank you for listening to me rant on and not get bored with me. Just needed to express my thoughts for awhile. I appreciate people who actually listen, the world has too many talkers and not enough listeners. Have a beautiful day or evening wherever you may be, and never give up hope. We are all transforming now, we need a big shift from the way things have been. 🌹

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Psychotherapy

20 Replies

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Mary-intussuception4 years ago

❤️

xXx

Starrlight4 years ago

❤️

amoeba434 years ago

No need to worry about responding, friend. I'm going to be sending you a private message shortly 💛

Fortune_cookie4 years ago

I'm sorry for the way you're feeling. I'm a psyquiatric patient myself and I know exactly how you feel. I tried so many doctors and I was in the psyquiatric ward more than once, nothing really helped me then I started reading about mental health and it helped me a great deal because I started to understand my condition. I started praying and I felt a lot better. I wish you the best. God bless you.

in reply to Fortune_cookie4 years ago

Thank you and I wish you well too. So many people do not understand what it's like to be on these crazy psyche wards. I have learned more from reading library books about depression and bipolar disorder about how to really help myself than seeing therapists and psychiatrists. A couple of YouTube channels that I think are great where they talk about mental health issues are Polar Warriors channel and Daniel Mackler. You might want to check those out if you haven't heard of them. Also the Mad in America podcast. Thank you for responding!!!🙂

4 years ago

Wow! Do you feel better getting it out? Did you want a response to what you wrote or are you just venting? Nothing wrong with venting, btw😊

in reply to 4 years ago

Oh I don't know. There is the famous saying that opinions are like buttholes, EVERYONE'S got one!!!!! I just had trouble sleeping and did not feel like keeping all my thoughts and feelings to myself. Thank you for responding!!!🙂

in reply to 4 years ago

No problem! We're here to listen. I vented last week about how annoyed I was that not many people were following the rule of required face-masks on the buses, so you're fine.🙂

I know my annoyance is due to covid-19 and not knowing will it will end, knowing that I won't be going home for the holidays because of that and the changing weather. Sleep definitely plays a role as well, so I'm sorry you didn't sleep well.

in reply to 4 years ago

I never sleep well!!! Even if I was taking my medication like I'm supposed to I wouldn't sleep well. My mom would say I come alive at night. I follow the protocol and wear my mask dutifully but it is tiresome to always have to remember the mask. I truly hope and pray a definite vaccine comes out by January, I know the science nerds are working hard on it. Makes me have renewed interest in Biology and wondering exactly everything that goes into developing a vaccine. Maybe that should be the next book subject I should try to learn about. If I can get myself to try to read a book anymore without the words running off the page after 10 minutes!!!😝

in reply to 4 years ago

Not sleeping well is beyond awful, that's for sure! My sleep is fragmented at best, so I understand the hardships.

My pastor and I were talking about covid-19 and how people are going to get more and more restless the longer this is drawn out, so I hope you're right about it being over by January. Where I live in Norway (and Europe as a whole) there is another spike in cases, so it's not fun. The good news is that people are getting more comfortable with the mask rule (including my husband!! -- long story there).

in reply to 4 years ago

I'm in Michigan, USA. Total presidential election insanity going on here!!! Don't mean to be all political and all that but it's really sad that I just think Donald Trump belongs in a mental institution. I have absolutely no idea what Norway is like. Hello from across the pond!!!😊

in reply to 4 years ago

Hello! Norway is beautiful! There are major weather condition delays, though. The days seem to get shorter even after the winter solstice has come and gone and snow doesn't leave town until April/May. I'm not sure what's up with that.

in reply to 4 years ago

October is a nice month here. I appreciate the Fall leaves changing color and the cooler temperatures. But when November comes around and it's gloomy and raining then I have to be careful I don't get too depressed.

in reply to 4 years ago

Same here. I take a daily dose of vitamin d during these months. I also have my therapy lamp.