You All Are Perfect

[ChaeChae]

Hi Everyone,

Im an 29 year old woman. Whose battles Depression and anxiety for almost 12 years due to an chemical imbalance. Which is my fault because I tried weed a few times and 2 times I had a VERY bad reaction. I am not a we’d smoker to this day. But it’s nothing wrong with it for the individuals who do it. I currently do see a psychiatrist and therapists. I’m readjusting a few things so I don’t go crazy and harm myself in the future.

As I read a lot of your posts with your different challenges. I can’t help but notice how normal and perfect you amazing human beings are.

I wish I had the challenges you all are facing. I’ve been diagnosed with GAD which has depression attached as well. But I know I suffer more with Intrusive Imagery/Thoughts and maybe psychosis. My mind literally makes up stories of its own based of my phobias and fears. Then I can’t decipher reality from my imagination. It makes me feel so sick as a human. So low !

I don’t have desires to harm anyone in this world. But I get so lost in my head after certain events or even memories. I start to wonder - what if these things are true ? What if this did happen and it’s my fault ? How would the world view me ? What if I made a horrible mistake and my mind is recounting? How could I live myself?

You all are so normal and amazing. I am the outcast here.

[Anzanddepreshgirl]

Don't blame yourself over something from the past dear, it only will make you sad and guilty.

At least you are looking for help, I know it sucks to have to wait to get better ( me 4 example, I wish I could solve all my problems in 1 session of therapy, I haaate having to wait one more week. )

why don't you try writing somewhere things that goes through your mind? Writing at least for me help me to keep track of patterns that I have of thoughts, behaviors. It can be helpful to see the frequency of them and if they happen every time some kind of situation happens.

if u are not into writing you can keep an audio record of the days or something, just trying to help.

[ChaeChae in reply to Anzanddepreshgirl]

I appreciate your help. You’re absolutely right. Writing is great when I’m home as well as meditating. I know I won’t experience instant gratification. But when I have to step foot outside of when I just went to relax without doing anything extra. That’s when the challenge poses.

It just as you stated when it’s ALOT that needs to be worked on … it’s hard to wait another week for therapy or tap into the mental, the medicine and everything that truly is bothering you in an attempt to fix it. Once I feel it’s fixed … then another episodes happens later down the line that unravels it’s all. I know most of my challenges are pertaining to the chemical part of it- the neurotransmitters and hormones. I just hate it all.

[Anzanddepreshgirl in reply to ChaeChae]

got it :/ maybe we could be in touch to help each other, I feel like it's so useful to share our experiences, because sometimes a thing that we know and the other never thought about can make a difference.

[ChaeChae in reply to Anzanddepreshgirl]

Yes ! I’m totally down for that.

[ChaeChae in reply to ChaeChae]

I meant to say I would love that. However you’d like to communicate is fine. I got too excited and accidentally hit send before I was done. Lol.