Hopelessness

[speaknothing]

Last night I had a panic attack and during that panic attack I told myself something I’ve never said before. I said “I will never be normal, I will be like this for the rest of my life”. I cried like hell after saying that because I realize how true that statement was. Depression doesn’t go away. We are only taught on how to cope with it better by distracting your mind with therapy, hobbies, medication etc. No matter what you do, no matter how high your medication is it’s still there. Why am I saying this? Because I’ve lost hope. Lost hope in myself, my life. My entire life I’ve felt like I haven’t had a purpose here and I don’t know what to do to make it better. When you tell people how messed up you really are they get scared or don’t know what to say besides the generic response “you are strong!” “See a therapist !” “I don’t know what to say but I’m here” so what do you do when your friends can’t help, when your family doesn’t understand, and when you finally lost yourself.

[ErikViking]

I've had that realization too and it sucks to realize that we'll never be "normal". I get jealous when I see "happy" people! But the truth is, everybody is suffering from something...sometimes it's short term, but sooo many people are in our boat. There is a sort of "comfort" knowing that we're not alone. This site has helped me, I hope it helps you too. And it's good to have a good ol' fashioned cry! Let the emotions out. I wish i could be more "normal"...but I don't think it's ever going to happen. I told a woman acquaintance that I'm entering myself into a mental health facility and the look on her face was priceless. She looked at me as if I had 2 noses. But I don't care...the more people that know about what I'm going through, the more support I get (well, maybe not from her lol).

The things I do to stay on track...the list is long...but it helps. But EVERYBODY has some sort of meltdown at some point. I pray that you obtain some level of peace...even small reductions with anxiety and depression are such massive gifts to me....I pray the same for you,

Erik

[speaknothing]

I don’t have children. I have a dog. I’ve had him for years I’ve had multiple dogs, pets, doesn’t matter it never helped me only added more stress because I knew I had to look out for them when I can’t even look after myself majority of the time

[AZ1970]

I can hear the pain in your post. I feel the same way. All I can say is that depression is one part of our lives. We must find ways to participate in life outside of it, or it will consume us. Even small steps can break down those walls. No one will ever truly understand, because they don't live inside our heads and bodies. But that does not negate their love for us. No one is normal. Everyone has struggles. Don't be so hard on yourself. Sending a hug!

[Lyn842]

What do you do?? You don't give up. For many people they do go thru times when depression goes away. It may come back but it also may go away again. Its those times that we live for and fight back. Do Not lose hope. Life changes. You do not know what lies ahead for you. It could be something wonderful. You mat think you'll feel this way forever but that's not true. I have had chronic depression to the point of being hospitalized several times. I always get better. I have used therapy, meds, cognitive behavioral therapy, ECT, you name it I've had or done it. It may take a lot of work but life is worth it. I don't want my children and grandchildren to remember their Nana as someone who committed suicide. Gotta keep fighting. Get yourself Help! You made a start by reaching out here. Good job, now keep fighting.

[speaknothing in reply to Lyn842]

Not everyone is the same though, I get the whole keeping fighting but for what, a couple of days of happiness for depression to strike whenever it wants to? Depression doesn’t go away. It’s in the back of your head even when you feel the happiest it’s there. Patiently waiting for another trigger so that it can bounce back into your life.

[Lyn842]

I don't agree with you. It can subside for a lot more than a few days. I know from experience. You need coping skills for the days you struggle. Venting here is a good start. The right medication, the right therapist, dbt training with a Dr or therapist. It takes a lot of work and we all get sick & tired of trying. If you don't want to help yourself that is up to you but we are all rooting for you. I'm glad you're here. Keep reading and posting. I wish you the best.

[speaknothing in reply to Lyn842]

I don’t agree with that statement. You could have the highest dosage of meds, the best therapist in the world and you’ll still have depressing days. Who wouldn’t want to help themselves? Majority of people want the pain to stop that’s why people are even on here to either support others or go get support but I understand thanks for the support hope all goes well with you and your family.

[Lyn842]

I agree with you to a point. All I'm trying to say is depression can get better and that's what I'm hoping for you. There are so many things you can do to feel better, not cured, but better. Until you've exhausted all the help out there you honestly don't know that you can feel better. Please don't give up.

[Want2BHappy3]

You mentioned friends and family, what I've learned is rule number 1) don't talk to friends and family about your anxiety turn away from you. Even my own kids who live with me have decided to isolate me and tell me how to behave in public. Friends don't return calls and sometimes text me positive quotes thinking that should fix it? So don't stress your self with that. Have you sought therapy? I've been taking medication that seems to be helping me, Mirtazapine. I've been suffering off and on for about 36 years.