Fear and guilt

Does your anxiety come and triple with fear? Fear that if you don’t get better you will loose even what little you have. You will loose your family. Anything in life can happen anytime. Nothing is certain and the world we live in is so outrageously sad. Does the fear of loss panic you? Do you cry uncontrollably. I do. I am so afraid of losing my loved ones. I feel that I can’t do enough for them that I am a burden on them. I am so ashamed that I’ve been in this major depression for months. I’m not giving anything back to society just living like a vegetable. Just a useless human being. Crippled and prisoner of her own mind and depression. Does it ever end? How? I’ve been on meds and therapy for months now. I am bipolar II and it is good one day worse the next. Just wanted to share.

[Hidden]

My husband has anxiety and depression and here is what I can tell you from the other side - I know it’s a disease, and I get frustrated, but I never stop loving him. And when he says a simple “thank you for being there” it makes my day. Knowing that he sees me and what I do, even when he’s really sick, helps me a lot. And when he tries to do just one thing in the day - move from the bed to the couch, watch a movie with me on TV, sit in the backyard with me for 10 min - that's just amazing to me. This disease is horrible. Just take it one step at a time.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for sharing.

[gerg]

Anxiety can be very powerful. There is a fear of fear that comes with an anxiety disorder. These fears are irrational, driven by irrational thoughts, and that is why they are hard to see and harder to understand. People without an anxiety disorder feel fear and situational anxiety, but their fear usually has a solution.

I fear if I do...I fear if I don't do...I fear I will regret...I fear I will be sad or happy...and it always is overlapped by the fear of fear. If I buy one, should I have bought two? Is the one too much or too little? It could go several directions. A person without the disorder would just buy two, or none, and just be content with their decision.

I never knew what an anxiety and panic disorder was, I just always knew that something was just not right. My unknown issue made my life a living hell, without an explanation. I lost a lot when I hit bottom, but I gained the knowledge of what was wrong, and that's all that matters now.

Now my life is good and it is on its way to being great. For 6 years I educated myself on what was driving my issues. I have gone to hundreds of group sessions and have taken advantage of every bit or therapy possible. I needed to understand emotions fully to make myself better, medication was not enough. I have had to practice what I've learned and I have had to test myself on the skills.

It is all worth it, I am now a person that I like.

[Hidden in reply to gerg]

Thank you. This is a lot of food for thought. It is good to be heard. You hit it right on the nail. I will keep re-reading it because I find it helpful.

[susanjo613]

I also feel ashamed that I've been depressed for so long. I've tried 2 different meds and my present med makes me feel so tired. I feel like a burden on my family.........I often have crying episodes. My friends and family really don't know how to help and I don't know what to do anymore

[Hidden in reply to susanjo613]

I know how you feel. It is good to share these thoughts on a forum like this because people can relate. You are not alone.

[susanjo613]

Thank you. I am new to this and I just can't believe what you wrote to be so much like how I feel (if that makes any sense)

[Hidden in reply to susanjo613]

Makes perfect sense to me. Read what others also wrote. I find it helpful.

[SAHM73]

I can totally relate. My fear comes at night when I’m snuggling with my youngest. My anxiety is so strong when I’ve had too much caffeine during the day and/or if I had wine at night. I’ve learned this and have stopped the two. I hate that feeling and I hate how powerful and overwhelming my anxiety gets. I’m doing everything I can to control it and have never taken any medication for it because believe it or not, taking medication gives me anxiety.

[Hidden in reply to SAHM73]

I believe you. I completely understand. I get the same fear about loosing my family. It rolls into one uncontrollable ball of anxiety resulting in sadness. At the end I am exhausted. I also gave up wine. That helps a bit. Alcohol is after all a depressant. Hang in there. Try to stop the fear as it accelerates. Easier said than done. Try to tell yourself: everything is ok. Everything is ok. Everything is ok. No need to fear. This has become my mantra. Doesn’t always work but sometimes it helps. You’re not alone. Part of this difficult illness.

[Want2BHappy3]

I don't have necessarily a fear so much of losing anyone I don't think that will happen? I worry about my kids especially one of them who is learning disabled. For when I die. And that I stop making bad decisions.

And that I don't want to be a burden to my kids.

[Hidden in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I understand. You sound like a very caring parent. You won’t be a burden to them. They love you.